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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 596757" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>OK, first and foremost here, you have got to stop beating yourself up, right now! This is the hardest thing any of us parents have to do, so adding self abuse to your plate is not useful. As the therapists in the codependency program told us over and over again, you do what you do for as long as you do and then you don't. It's hard. It's a process. There is nothing wrong with you, you are a parent! We all take one step forward and one step back, if we didn't, we wouldn't need this board, we would all just do it and be done! We need the support of each other so we can learn how to detach and let go. There is no make wrong, judgment or criticism here, unfortunately, you are doing that to yourself. </p><p></p><p>In the face of the information you received last night about your son, any one of us may have made the same choice, our love for our children far outweighs any logical choices at times. I've done all the same things. I think we all have to some degree. So, if you stop beating yourself up and recognize this as the hard journey it is and allow yourself to simply respond as you do when you do and begin the process of learning a different way to respond, you'll make it a lot easier on yourself.</p><p></p><p>You are not a coward. You are caught in the fog of loving him and enabling him and detaching from him. That's a tough place to be. Be gentle with yourself as you learn a new way. Be kind to yourself. Learn a different way of caring for YOU. Part of the issue is that you've been focused on him for too long you've forgotten how to nurture yourself. Please stop being so hard on yourself.</p><p></p><p>Is Colorado where his dad lives? And, he's going to stay with his dad now? How much longer will he be in your area? Did you get him to the ER this morning?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 596757, member: 13542"] OK, first and foremost here, you have got to stop beating yourself up, right now! This is the hardest thing any of us parents have to do, so adding self abuse to your plate is not useful. As the therapists in the codependency program told us over and over again, you do what you do for as long as you do and then you don't. It's hard. It's a process. There is nothing wrong with you, you are a parent! We all take one step forward and one step back, if we didn't, we wouldn't need this board, we would all just do it and be done! We need the support of each other so we can learn how to detach and let go. There is no make wrong, judgment or criticism here, unfortunately, you are doing that to yourself. In the face of the information you received last night about your son, any one of us may have made the same choice, our love for our children far outweighs any logical choices at times. I've done all the same things. I think we all have to some degree. So, if you stop beating yourself up and recognize this as the hard journey it is and allow yourself to simply respond as you do when you do and begin the process of learning a different way to respond, you'll make it a lot easier on yourself. You are not a coward. You are caught in the fog of loving him and enabling him and detaching from him. That's a tough place to be. Be gentle with yourself as you learn a new way. Be kind to yourself. Learn a different way of caring for YOU. Part of the issue is that you've been focused on him for too long you've forgotten how to nurture yourself. Please stop being so hard on yourself. Is Colorado where his dad lives? And, he's going to stay with his dad now? How much longer will he be in your area? Did you get him to the ER this morning? [/QUOTE]
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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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