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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 596762" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I enjoy RE's posts very much. She has been kind enough to share the info she learned through a year long class, and her experience. THANK YOU!! </p><p></p><p>These children are extremely manipulative, and as has been stated before, they know what buttons to push. It is so painful to think our children are hurting. We are hard wired to put them first - they want to be taken care of - they do not want the responsibilities of being an adult. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion, a true difficult child is not going to change until they have to. I have relatives that are 35 through 50 that are still living at home, unemployed, because the parents let them.</p><p></p><p>BUT, as much as we all know what we have to do, it is still painful! I firmly believe that one day you will reach a point of saying to yourself, NO MORE. Then, and only then, will you be able to say no and mean it.</p><p></p><p>Some people reach this point before others, it took me a long time. Looking back on what my son has put me through I wished I had said no and stuck with it long (years) ago. Guilt always made me give in. Getting over the guilt is huge.</p><p></p><p>My son knew I was not going to let him go hungry, I could finally tolerate homeless, but not hungry. Once I found out I had been giving him money for food, paying for new eye glasses (that he broke in less than 2 weeks when they had a fight and he threw them down and broke them) and I was actually thinking of getting a part time job to help him finish school. HE WASN'T GOING THAT SEMESTER - THEY WERE PARTYING WITH MY MONEY!</p><p></p><p>That was my breaking point - I felt like a fool for falling for his conn again - yours will come - as RE stated - stop beating yourself up - do some things for you.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could tell you that after my son understood I meant NO MORE things were perfect - he has been NC for about 6 months and it gets easier - but they are our children and we love them - part of us will always want to reach out and make it better for them. If we only could - we can't - only they can make it better for themselves. </p><p></p><p>With time, I have come to accept this is how my son may be for the rest of his life - I can't continue with this - I have a right to a life too. My health is improving and most of my days are so much calmer now. I still have days where I need to be reassured I am doing the right thing - that's when I come here for support. I also want to help others as they have helped me.</p><p>(((hugs and blessings for us all)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 596762, member: 13558"] I enjoy RE's posts very much. She has been kind enough to share the info she learned through a year long class, and her experience. THANK YOU!! These children are extremely manipulative, and as has been stated before, they know what buttons to push. It is so painful to think our children are hurting. We are hard wired to put them first - they want to be taken care of - they do not want the responsibilities of being an adult. in my opinion, a true difficult child is not going to change until they have to. I have relatives that are 35 through 50 that are still living at home, unemployed, because the parents let them. BUT, as much as we all know what we have to do, it is still painful! I firmly believe that one day you will reach a point of saying to yourself, NO MORE. Then, and only then, will you be able to say no and mean it. Some people reach this point before others, it took me a long time. Looking back on what my son has put me through I wished I had said no and stuck with it long (years) ago. Guilt always made me give in. Getting over the guilt is huge. My son knew I was not going to let him go hungry, I could finally tolerate homeless, but not hungry. Once I found out I had been giving him money for food, paying for new eye glasses (that he broke in less than 2 weeks when they had a fight and he threw them down and broke them) and I was actually thinking of getting a part time job to help him finish school. HE WASN'T GOING THAT SEMESTER - THEY WERE PARTYING WITH MY MONEY! That was my breaking point - I felt like a fool for falling for his conn again - yours will come - as RE stated - stop beating yourself up - do some things for you. I wish I could tell you that after my son understood I meant NO MORE things were perfect - he has been NC for about 6 months and it gets easier - but they are our children and we love them - part of us will always want to reach out and make it better for them. If we only could - we can't - only they can make it better for themselves. With time, I have come to accept this is how my son may be for the rest of his life - I can't continue with this - I have a right to a life too. My health is improving and most of my days are so much calmer now. I still have days where I need to be reassured I am doing the right thing - that's when I come here for support. I also want to help others as they have helped me. (((hugs and blessings for us all))) [/QUOTE]
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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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