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Son in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 726340" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello Nightflyer and welcome to the forum. So very sorry for your need to be here.</p><p>This is a difficult situation. When our d cs become adults, go off the rails and make egregious choices, the ultimate ones including crimes against their own parents and family. It is all mind blowing, heart wrenching and completely unacceptable. YOU did not cause this, can't control it, or cure it, and can't change it. 33 is an adult. Our d cs grow up and make their own lives and choices. When drugs and addiction are involved, they become <em>unrecognizable</em>. It is a pain like no other, I am so sorry for your aching Mommas heart.</p><p> What is correctly? There are no instruction books within our heads in an instance where a d c is acting out and we are besides ourselves with everything that entails. I have times to look back on and wish I had controlled myself more, spent time reviewing and learned to forgive myself. We are only human and make mistakes. D cs, when younger and under our supervision, ramping it up and causing stressful situations, how is one supposed to act? It is a hard, hard road to travel. A loving child does not use our past parenting mistakes over and again to blame their choices on.</p><p>This is aptly called FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and many of us have been engulfed in it at some point in time or another. D c's use this to manipulate us.</p><p>Please take action to help with your depression. It is very understandable under your circumstances. There is lots of help for parents like us who are facing this.</p><p>Awwwww, the blame game. Been through it many times. I fell into the trap of blaming myself, there were times I felt I could have done.....should have done......but that is retrospect. We all did the best jobs we could with what we had at the time. Our kids grow up and make their own lives. There are people who have been through far worse, and still walked the straight and narrow. Addiction is a disease, but drugs are a choice. Crime is a choice.</p><p>Our d cs blame us for their troubles because it makes it easier for them to continue as is, and to look in the mirror. Don't let your son manipulate you emotionally with blame. He is 100% responsible for his own actions as an adult. Period.</p><p>You did the right thing in not bailing him out. I wouldn't bail my two out. Sometimes, I wish they would go to jail. Three square meals and lots of time to think about life, and choices.</p><p>It is hard to watch our d cs take this road.</p><p>We matter, too.</p><p>You matter, Nightflyer.</p><p>You have the rest of your life to live, and life is short.</p><p>I am glad you found us.</p><p>Welcome to the little club that no one wants to be a member of, but, it is a good place to be for folks like us. No one here is an expert, just parents with similar stories, at different junctures on the journey.</p><p>Please know that you are not alone, and most of all, you deserve peace of heart and mind.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 726340, member: 19522"] Hello Nightflyer and welcome to the forum. So very sorry for your need to be here. This is a difficult situation. When our d cs become adults, go off the rails and make egregious choices, the ultimate ones including crimes against their own parents and family. It is all mind blowing, heart wrenching and completely unacceptable. YOU did not cause this, can't control it, or cure it, and can't change it. 33 is an adult. Our d cs grow up and make their own lives and choices. When drugs and addiction are involved, they become [I]unrecognizable[/I]. It is a pain like no other, I am so sorry for your aching Mommas heart. What is correctly? There are no instruction books within our heads in an instance where a d c is acting out and we are besides ourselves with everything that entails. I have times to look back on and wish I had controlled myself more, spent time reviewing and learned to forgive myself. We are only human and make mistakes. D cs, when younger and under our supervision, ramping it up and causing stressful situations, how is one supposed to act? It is a hard, hard road to travel. A loving child does not use our past parenting mistakes over and again to blame their choices on. This is aptly called FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and many of us have been engulfed in it at some point in time or another. D c's use this to manipulate us. Please take action to help with your depression. It is very understandable under your circumstances. There is lots of help for parents like us who are facing this. Awwwww, the blame game. Been through it many times. I fell into the trap of blaming myself, there were times I felt I could have done.....should have done......but that is retrospect. We all did the best jobs we could with what we had at the time. Our kids grow up and make their own lives. There are people who have been through far worse, and still walked the straight and narrow. Addiction is a disease, but drugs are a choice. Crime is a choice. Our d cs blame us for their troubles because it makes it easier for them to continue as is, and to look in the mirror. Don't let your son manipulate you emotionally with blame. He is 100% responsible for his own actions as an adult. Period. You did the right thing in not bailing him out. I wouldn't bail my two out. Sometimes, I wish they would go to jail. Three square meals and lots of time to think about life, and choices. It is hard to watch our d cs take this road. We matter, too. You matter, Nightflyer. You have the rest of your life to live, and life is short. I am glad you found us. Welcome to the little club that no one wants to be a member of, but, it is a good place to be for folks like us. No one here is an expert, just parents with similar stories, at different junctures on the journey. Please know that you are not alone, and most of all, you deserve peace of heart and mind. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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