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Substance Abuse
Son is out.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 716729" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It could be argued that bringing him home makes it worse. I have come (to try) to see our situation concretely/spatially. I am helping build a house made of bricks. I can by my actions insist that my contribution will fund quality bricks or I can close my eyes to the building materials my son uses to build his life. The styrofoam bricks used among other things to anchor flower arrangements come to mind. </p><p></p><p>Oh yes. Those flower arrangements smell pretty and do delight. But will they hold up a house, a life?</p><p></p><p>We as parents have a job to do for the rest of our lives (and afterward I believe just in a different way.) I try to see my actions and decisions and attitudes with respect to my child as those bricks. I can go the cheaper and easier way, or not. There are so many times I indulge him and in doing so enable him to take short cuts. In the moment it feels like love, fear and pain. But if I permit myself to go with those fake bricks, does this help?</p><p></p><p>Really. Are sryrofoam bricks really an option for you? Part of the agony I believe comes from our battering ourselves that all options are on the table. Even styrofoam bricks. When we know better.</p><p></p><p>That we could save him.</p><p></p><p>Really? With a styrofoam brick?</p><p></p><p>The only one who can add a real brick to the structure of his life is him. If we rush in a pretty and faux brick we contribute to the instability of the house not it's strength and durability.</p><p></p><p>I write this to remind us that so many of the options we feel we might have are non-options given the REAL situations our sons have put themselves. They are the only ones who can see their lives with clarity and begin to make the choice to build a better house.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is. But at this point it is simpler because it is clearer. He is building the house he needs to live in (with any kids he might have) for his whole life. You are supporting him to utilize real and solid bricks so his house is not a ruin. That's it. You will not buy styrofoam bricks for his house. Would you?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 716729, member: 18958"] It could be argued that bringing him home makes it worse. I have come (to try) to see our situation concretely/spatially. I am helping build a house made of bricks. I can by my actions insist that my contribution will fund quality bricks or I can close my eyes to the building materials my son uses to build his life. The styrofoam bricks used among other things to anchor flower arrangements come to mind. Oh yes. Those flower arrangements smell pretty and do delight. But will they hold up a house, a life? We as parents have a job to do for the rest of our lives (and afterward I believe just in a different way.) I try to see my actions and decisions and attitudes with respect to my child as those bricks. I can go the cheaper and easier way, or not. There are so many times I indulge him and in doing so enable him to take short cuts. In the moment it feels like love, fear and pain. But if I permit myself to go with those fake bricks, does this help? Really. Are sryrofoam bricks really an option for you? Part of the agony I believe comes from our battering ourselves that all options are on the table. Even styrofoam bricks. When we know better. That we could save him. Really? With a styrofoam brick? The only one who can add a real brick to the structure of his life is him. If we rush in a pretty and faux brick we contribute to the instability of the house not it's strength and durability. I write this to remind us that so many of the options we feel we might have are non-options given the REAL situations our sons have put themselves. They are the only ones who can see their lives with clarity and begin to make the choice to build a better house. I know how hard this is. But at this point it is simpler because it is clearer. He is building the house he needs to live in (with any kids he might have) for his whole life. You are supporting him to utilize real and solid bricks so his house is not a ruin. That's it. You will not buy styrofoam bricks for his house. Would you? [/QUOTE]
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