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Substance Abuse
Son out of control. Wants to move in with deadbeat dad.
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 723216" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>Welcome and I’m so sorry.</p><p></p><p>This is very difficult and heartbreaking. I hope you find comfort in this site and knowing you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>The behavior is, unfortunately, something from an ugly textbook they must have all memorized. I know how the constant stress, disrespect and sheer panic at the idea that we cannot keep them safe, can make us want to slap the sense into them. And even go there.</p><p></p><p>But it doesn’t work. And I fear for your safety with a growing teen who treated it like a fight, instead of a mother’s desperation. Also certain drugs can turn them violent, so eggshells and not engaging is the right place to be in that moment. But certainly, there should be a firm understanding that he has crossed a line with his words and actions.</p><p></p><p>He is acting unparentable in your home.</p><p></p><p>And he’s blackmailing you with his well being. At his age, the law requires that he attend school, and it is important for his future. Failing school means he fails school.</p><p></p><p>But I know full well the logic of the raging child. Maybe under that is a lot of pain and confusion. Or depression and anxiety as you suspect. I honestly don’t know the answer to how we help them ease it. I am struggling with this myself. And the options are different once they turn 18.</p><p></p><p>At 15, I would do anything I could to stand between my son and drugs, and try to find any hooks to keep him from spiraling.</p><p></p><p>Are the other adults in his life even close on what he needs?</p><p></p><p>Does your ex have any standards for your kids doing drugs, attending school, getting professional help etc? Does his current girlfriend? Does the ex have rights to custody or visitation? Has he insisted on keeping a consistent relationship with the boys?</p><p></p><p>Are you in touch with your 19 year old? Is he using? Is he responsible, is he well?</p><p></p><p>It would be wonderful if the adults could agree on a plan. Maybe condition a move on him seeing a therapist, considering medication, getting involved in something healthy that he might be interested in, his brother stepping up, seeing if his new school can hook him up with a tutor to catch up, the adults help him with his current legal problems.</p><p></p><p>Giving him the best chance at a new start. And maybe getting the adults on the same page could help should you need a backup plan. </p><p></p><p>Right now, he sees you as part of the problem (which you are not), but if he could see you want to work with him to ease his pain and get him on a healthy path, with a chance at new friends etc. Instead of something he wants to run from or who sees him as too hard to handle. I see that as making lemonade.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 723216, member: 19290"] Welcome and I’m so sorry. This is very difficult and heartbreaking. I hope you find comfort in this site and knowing you are not alone. The behavior is, unfortunately, something from an ugly textbook they must have all memorized. I know how the constant stress, disrespect and sheer panic at the idea that we cannot keep them safe, can make us want to slap the sense into them. And even go there. But it doesn’t work. And I fear for your safety with a growing teen who treated it like a fight, instead of a mother’s desperation. Also certain drugs can turn them violent, so eggshells and not engaging is the right place to be in that moment. But certainly, there should be a firm understanding that he has crossed a line with his words and actions. He is acting unparentable in your home. And he’s blackmailing you with his well being. At his age, the law requires that he attend school, and it is important for his future. Failing school means he fails school. But I know full well the logic of the raging child. Maybe under that is a lot of pain and confusion. Or depression and anxiety as you suspect. I honestly don’t know the answer to how we help them ease it. I am struggling with this myself. And the options are different once they turn 18. At 15, I would do anything I could to stand between my son and drugs, and try to find any hooks to keep him from spiraling. Are the other adults in his life even close on what he needs? Does your ex have any standards for your kids doing drugs, attending school, getting professional help etc? Does his current girlfriend? Does the ex have rights to custody or visitation? Has he insisted on keeping a consistent relationship with the boys? Are you in touch with your 19 year old? Is he using? Is he responsible, is he well? It would be wonderful if the adults could agree on a plan. Maybe condition a move on him seeing a therapist, considering medication, getting involved in something healthy that he might be interested in, his brother stepping up, seeing if his new school can hook him up with a tutor to catch up, the adults help him with his current legal problems. Giving him the best chance at a new start. And maybe getting the adults on the same page could help should you need a backup plan. Right now, he sees you as part of the problem (which you are not), but if he could see you want to work with him to ease his pain and get him on a healthy path, with a chance at new friends etc. Instead of something he wants to run from or who sees him as too hard to handle. I see that as making lemonade. [/QUOTE]
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Son out of control. Wants to move in with deadbeat dad.
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