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Son went to jail yesterday
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 635263" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Wow I just read your story and I must say I am so sorry you are living this way. I agree with the other posters that you need to learn about boundaries (it took me years and years to learn this myself) and how to put them in place. One way to help you decide whether to help you difficult child, daughter in law and GK's is: do you and your spouse have enough money in retirement for where you are right now? Financially, when you are dealing with dysfunctional children, at some point, you have to realize that when you are older (or disabled as I am) that those same dysfunctional children cannot be counted on to help you out when you will need it. The $500 you are thinking of helping with should be looked at with an overall picture of how that money is best used for you and your husband. Believe me some day you will be ready to escape the madness and it would be best if you have the means to take care of yourselves first.</p><p></p><p>It is just my opinion but I would say that daughter in law needs to go. You have too much going on with problems with the other difficult child and he is watching and learning how you react with the other difficult child. If you stand up strong and say "if you choose, you lose" to dysfunctional behavior - the peace of mind that comes to you and your husband is well worth it. </p><p></p><p>The most difficult part of understanding our children with these problems is that we did not create it and we cannot fix it. It takes a tremendous amount of personal pain and grieving to get to the place of understanding this before one can take a stand for their own life. There was a time for me, where I kept excusing my daughters behaviors because of her age i.e. she will outgrow it - well she is now 40 and I still keep seeing the same types of behavior. What I am going through right now - I believe is that she knows the "old persona" isn't going to work anymore so I am being charmed into thinking things are different that what I have seen in the past - no more raging - but in the end - she is what she is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 635263, member: 18366"] Wow I just read your story and I must say I am so sorry you are living this way. I agree with the other posters that you need to learn about boundaries (it took me years and years to learn this myself) and how to put them in place. One way to help you decide whether to help you difficult child, daughter in law and GK's is: do you and your spouse have enough money in retirement for where you are right now? Financially, when you are dealing with dysfunctional children, at some point, you have to realize that when you are older (or disabled as I am) that those same dysfunctional children cannot be counted on to help you out when you will need it. The $500 you are thinking of helping with should be looked at with an overall picture of how that money is best used for you and your husband. Believe me some day you will be ready to escape the madness and it would be best if you have the means to take care of yourselves first. It is just my opinion but I would say that daughter in law needs to go. You have too much going on with problems with the other difficult child and he is watching and learning how you react with the other difficult child. If you stand up strong and say "if you choose, you lose" to dysfunctional behavior - the peace of mind that comes to you and your husband is well worth it. The most difficult part of understanding our children with these problems is that we did not create it and we cannot fix it. It takes a tremendous amount of personal pain and grieving to get to the place of understanding this before one can take a stand for their own life. There was a time for me, where I kept excusing my daughters behaviors because of her age i.e. she will outgrow it - well she is now 40 and I still keep seeing the same types of behavior. What I am going through right now - I believe is that she knows the "old persona" isn't going to work anymore so I am being charmed into thinking things are different that what I have seen in the past - no more raging - but in the end - she is what she is. [/QUOTE]
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