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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 434961" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>What a refreshing request. It is nice to hear that you want to change, that you can see where you did things that were wrong and you want to figure out how to change. in my opinion it means you do NOT have ASPD. People with aspd do not feel empathy or much of anything ever. You have feelings but don't know how to handle or identify them. </p><p></p><p>It is entirely possible to not know what to call what you are feeling. in my opinion it is a hallmark of the autistic spectrum - aspergers, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, autism, etc.... It is also possible that you have sensory issues that make things even harder. One doctor we consulted said that almost everyone on the autistic spectrum ahs some significant degree of sensory integration disorder. this means that your brain isn't handling info from your senses in the usual way. It can be helped, and it makes feeling empathy or anything for anyoen else tough. Basically your brain is so overwhelmed by sensory input that it cannot do much of anything else. I have a lot of this. cook a piece of liver in my home, or bring it to a table that I am sitting at and I can do NOTHING but be repulsed and sickened to the point that I often have to rush to the bathroom to vomit. I had a college class on food prep that was a prerequisite for some classes I needed and the prof insisted that we ALL had to eat a piece of bacon wrapped liver. I told her I could not, had a doctor's note because my reaction is so strong to it and she still forced me to eat it. She said that cooked with the recipe the class used it was so good that no one could get sick on it. I barfed and she wouldn't get out of the way as I tried to get to the trash can so I actually barfed all over her skirt and shoes. Ruined them and she tried to force me to pay for them. The entire class of twenty people saw her dancing and dodging to stay between me and anything I could get sick in and all went to her boss to say it was her fault and she ignored a doctor note saying not to force me to eat it. I just have no control over that reaction.</p><p></p><p>I also have a tough time in places like malls where the music is loud and lots of people are jammed together. I cannot sort noises out from each other and it makes me irritable. Yet other sensations are very soothing. the key is learning to manage them. </p><p></p><p>You will need to work to identify your feelings. Not knowing what you are feeling is different by a mile from ASPD though I can see why you would think they were linked. As a young mom I was very reactive. I got mad and just blew up - and it was hard on all of us, esp my kids. I finally found a book that talked about anger in moms. A big part of the help I got from it was learning to identify how my body felt and reacted as I got angry. There are distinct physical changes that happen when you get angry - and by learning to identify them you can handle things before you get so mad you cannot control yourself. Once you have that down you can also figure out how your body reacts wehn you are feeling other things, like happiness and fear and excitement.</p><p></p><p>You have taken a giant first step or two - identified the problems and started asking for help. Keep up iwth AA and a therapist. Work the 12 steps and work to make amends to those you ahve hurt - be sure to include yourself in that list of those you have hurt. make sure that you do some reading on aspergers and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Figure out what others have done to cope iwth these things and what might help you. WIth Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified you may qualify for help from disability depending on your problems and how they make life harder for you. </p><p></p><p>I hopw you are successful in turning your life around.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 434961, member: 1233"] What a refreshing request. It is nice to hear that you want to change, that you can see where you did things that were wrong and you want to figure out how to change. in my opinion it means you do NOT have ASPD. People with aspd do not feel empathy or much of anything ever. You have feelings but don't know how to handle or identify them. It is entirely possible to not know what to call what you are feeling. in my opinion it is a hallmark of the autistic spectrum - aspergers, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, autism, etc.... It is also possible that you have sensory issues that make things even harder. One doctor we consulted said that almost everyone on the autistic spectrum ahs some significant degree of sensory integration disorder. this means that your brain isn't handling info from your senses in the usual way. It can be helped, and it makes feeling empathy or anything for anyoen else tough. Basically your brain is so overwhelmed by sensory input that it cannot do much of anything else. I have a lot of this. cook a piece of liver in my home, or bring it to a table that I am sitting at and I can do NOTHING but be repulsed and sickened to the point that I often have to rush to the bathroom to vomit. I had a college class on food prep that was a prerequisite for some classes I needed and the prof insisted that we ALL had to eat a piece of bacon wrapped liver. I told her I could not, had a doctor's note because my reaction is so strong to it and she still forced me to eat it. She said that cooked with the recipe the class used it was so good that no one could get sick on it. I barfed and she wouldn't get out of the way as I tried to get to the trash can so I actually barfed all over her skirt and shoes. Ruined them and she tried to force me to pay for them. The entire class of twenty people saw her dancing and dodging to stay between me and anything I could get sick in and all went to her boss to say it was her fault and she ignored a doctor note saying not to force me to eat it. I just have no control over that reaction. I also have a tough time in places like malls where the music is loud and lots of people are jammed together. I cannot sort noises out from each other and it makes me irritable. Yet other sensations are very soothing. the key is learning to manage them. You will need to work to identify your feelings. Not knowing what you are feeling is different by a mile from ASPD though I can see why you would think they were linked. As a young mom I was very reactive. I got mad and just blew up - and it was hard on all of us, esp my kids. I finally found a book that talked about anger in moms. A big part of the help I got from it was learning to identify how my body felt and reacted as I got angry. There are distinct physical changes that happen when you get angry - and by learning to identify them you can handle things before you get so mad you cannot control yourself. Once you have that down you can also figure out how your body reacts wehn you are feeling other things, like happiness and fear and excitement. You have taken a giant first step or two - identified the problems and started asking for help. Keep up iwth AA and a therapist. Work the 12 steps and work to make amends to those you ahve hurt - be sure to include yourself in that list of those you have hurt. make sure that you do some reading on aspergers and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Figure out what others have done to cope iwth these things and what might help you. WIth Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified you may qualify for help from disability depending on your problems and how they make life harder for you. I hopw you are successful in turning your life around. [/QUOTE]
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