wakeupcall
Well-Known Member
Well, MWM, you've sure given me a lot to think about and weigh. Thanks for your input, I really, really appreciate it.
Sooooo ungrateful!!
- Thread starter wakeupcall
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
WUC, no problem. I adopted four kids and it's so much harder to figure out what's wrong when you don't have the entire genetics history right at hand. And, of course, we weren't there to know for sure that the birthmother got good prenatal care, didn't drink or take drugs, etc. I think you can get a lot closer to understanding your son though if you go the neuropsychologist route. My son was a big puzzle for most professionals, but the neuropsychologist got him because he was so persistent and slow and careful and focused on finding the answer. Glad to help with input...wish somebody had been around to give me advice!!! Not that I know it all, but I've been there done that 
Marguerite
Active Member
I'm with MWM, this sounds a lot more than ADHD. The eye contact - he might make good eye contact with people hew knows well, but not so good with strangers.
The "not getting it" with Santa - it also fits, with the social immaturity. Doing well academically, except for comprehension issues- that sounds like a possible language issue, even if he's talking normally. It comes down to communication, especially the subtle "between the lines" communication.
We've handled things in a different way. Gifts from Santa were always unwrapped and placed either in or under the stocking. All other gifts could not be opened until after we got back from church on Christmas morning.
A kid nagging to open gifts - the gifts would be removed to get them out of temptation's way. Out of sight, out of mind. Not confiscated, just put elsewhere until it was time to open them.
As for appreciating gifts - we have more to our family ritual. Gifts tend to be opened one at a time (this year we did two at a time, there was a crowd) and before the gift is opened, the receiver has to give the giver a kiss and a hug and say, "thank you". Appreciation of the gift is ingrained into us all from early on; everyone else present would give a kid heaps if they were ungrateful or unpleasant about it. They would find no more gifts handed their way until they mended their manners. It could stop all proceedings until the problem got resolved or they left the room.
We also try to not spend too much money on individual gifts, although there is some variation according to who is giving the gift, what they can afford and how close they are to the person receiving the gift. For example, mother in law last year gave us $1000 to be used to pay for air fares to go to New Zealand. We were very grateful, that is exceptional. This year she gave us two bath towels. OK, they cost $50 each (she accidentally left the price tags on!) but they are lovely towels, we're very happy with them. I know she spent more than that on difficult child 1 & daughter in law, she bought them bathrobes which cost more than $50 each. It's just how it worked out this year.
Your difficult child's bio-father may have all those problems because he has a hereditary and untreated problem of his own. There can be many causes, including pure chance. I certainly agree with getting the evaluation. Also if you can, dig out the old test results. What is really useful is to look at the sub-scores, especially if there are big gaps between the highest and lowest scores. Which ones are high and which ones are low, can be vital.
A lot of what you describe sounds so very familiar. It certainly sounds sufficiently serious to deserve good answers.
Marg
The "not getting it" with Santa - it also fits, with the social immaturity. Doing well academically, except for comprehension issues- that sounds like a possible language issue, even if he's talking normally. It comes down to communication, especially the subtle "between the lines" communication.
We've handled things in a different way. Gifts from Santa were always unwrapped and placed either in or under the stocking. All other gifts could not be opened until after we got back from church on Christmas morning.
A kid nagging to open gifts - the gifts would be removed to get them out of temptation's way. Out of sight, out of mind. Not confiscated, just put elsewhere until it was time to open them.
As for appreciating gifts - we have more to our family ritual. Gifts tend to be opened one at a time (this year we did two at a time, there was a crowd) and before the gift is opened, the receiver has to give the giver a kiss and a hug and say, "thank you". Appreciation of the gift is ingrained into us all from early on; everyone else present would give a kid heaps if they were ungrateful or unpleasant about it. They would find no more gifts handed their way until they mended their manners. It could stop all proceedings until the problem got resolved or they left the room.
We also try to not spend too much money on individual gifts, although there is some variation according to who is giving the gift, what they can afford and how close they are to the person receiving the gift. For example, mother in law last year gave us $1000 to be used to pay for air fares to go to New Zealand. We were very grateful, that is exceptional. This year she gave us two bath towels. OK, they cost $50 each (she accidentally left the price tags on!) but they are lovely towels, we're very happy with them. I know she spent more than that on difficult child 1 & daughter in law, she bought them bathrobes which cost more than $50 each. It's just how it worked out this year.
Your difficult child's bio-father may have all those problems because he has a hereditary and untreated problem of his own. There can be many causes, including pure chance. I certainly agree with getting the evaluation. Also if you can, dig out the old test results. What is really useful is to look at the sub-scores, especially if there are big gaps between the highest and lowest scores. Which ones are high and which ones are low, can be vital.
A lot of what you describe sounds so very familiar. It certainly sounds sufficiently serious to deserve good answers.
Marg
wethreepeeps
New Member
difficult child always has a really hard time with the emotional let down of it being "over" on Christmas morning. All the excitement of new toys and the anticipation of ripping open the presents, the weeks and weeks of Christmas being built up to be this shiny, perfect event, and then suddenly it's all over, all that eager waiting and the tension and he just can't come down gracefully off that "high". Even if he gets everything he wanted, he cries afterwards and says, "is that all?". This year a relative gave him a cute spongebob ornament that was wrapped in the box her Blackberry came in. When he tore the paper away, he screamed with excitement thinking she'd gotten him a cell phone, then he cried for an hour when he saw the ornament. He's still talking about it today. He told his grandmother on the phone that he "almost got a cell phone but it was just a christmas thing" instead.
