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Sorry girl, need to vent. Here we go !! Sleepless night again !!
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 520363" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Hello, </p><p>A few details about the medical exam for driving license. </p><p>He did not lost his license. At least, not yet. </p><p>He had a one year certification and he has to go back with blood analysis within a year. So yeah, he already saw the doctor (two doctors, to be frank. it's how the system works here). </p><p>But I wrote to the administrative service for driving license in order for dad to have a medical exam, in order to see his fitness to drive. Period. </p><p>If the license is suspended, revoked or if he still has his license is <em>only the driving license administration's job</em>, not mine. I contented myself to raise the concern, because yes, I am concerned about his driving after having drunk, even if it's "only a glass with dinner". </p><p>The only problem with his "glass of wine with dinner" if that he already appears like if he had drunk a glass of wine even without drinking. No need to go further and let him drive when he drank. </p><p>He absolutely refuses to realize that, he put the blame on me. </p><p>But the only positive point I can see after some sleep (not such a good sleep :/ ) is that I now can be though about health and safety, and as angry as he can be, he doesn't rage any more. Definitely, these big girl therapeutic panties are a must to deal with such a father (as far as I know, a former difficult child). </p><p></p><p>On the "let it go", I do for matters which have no impacts for health or safety, like "he goes to a professional appointment with a Bob the Sponge t-shirt and Mickey Mouse socks". I see no point to battle. I have other more important matters to fight about. </p><p>With my dad, I'd rather pick my battles. I accept to take extreme measures for what it deals with health and safety. Here, the only thing I could do was sending this letter to the administrative service for driving license, making him have a medical exam. Period. What is the outcome of this visit (he got out with one year certification) is absolutely not my job, and not something I can control. </p><p></p><p>The tiny tiny path I can use to make him something understand about his drunk driving is getting him to a doctor I know. He won't listen to me if I say that it's not okay, because for him, I am not a legitimate person, I am incompetent for that. </p><p>I say then ok, fine. So if a doctor tells him the same, then he will listen. I will use this strategy. Unfortunately, about health and safety, it's the only strategy which works. </p><p>He already bought the idea of going to my therapist for an explanation, as he does not absolutely listen to me otherwise. A tiny path, but I go for it. </p><p>The only problem is that I am not sure whatever therapist will accept to see him or not (I can completely accept he doesn't want to see my dad). So I am trying to find a plan B in that case, in order to drag my father there. Much easier said than done. </p><p></p><p>Before her divorce with my dad, and even after, my mom covered up his mistakes and has always been reluctant for extreme measures, arguing that "it's against my values". She played the tune of "you're disrespectful towards your dad". Her North African Jewish origins, I guess....</p><p>I asked her that since her pedagogy didn't work and that she doesn't want extreme measures, what did she propose then. She didn't know what to answer. </p><p>So I concluded to her that she let me do the job, since she does not want to do the job herself : or she does the job, or she stops criticizing. But she can't do both (she played the same pattern with the law I am fighting against : my reply didn't vary, she had the choice to do the job for me or to stop criticizing. Invariably, she didn't know what to answer).</p><p></p><p>The only progress is that he accepts to deal with some of his responsibilities now that I am tough. It's something I can definitively enjoy it, even if having to put my big girl therapeutic panties is often exhausting and not always rewarding. </p><p>But let see on the long run, instead of the short term view of mom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 520363, member: 14306"] Hello, A few details about the medical exam for driving license. He did not lost his license. At least, not yet. He had a one year certification and he has to go back with blood analysis within a year. So yeah, he already saw the doctor (two doctors, to be frank. it's how the system works here). But I wrote to the administrative service for driving license in order for dad to have a medical exam, in order to see his fitness to drive. Period. If the license is suspended, revoked or if he still has his license is [I]only the driving license administration's job[/I], not mine. I contented myself to raise the concern, because yes, I am concerned about his driving after having drunk, even if it's "only a glass with dinner". The only problem with his "glass of wine with dinner" if that he already appears like if he had drunk a glass of wine even without drinking. No need to go further and let him drive when he drank. He absolutely refuses to realize that, he put the blame on me. But the only positive point I can see after some sleep (not such a good sleep :/ ) is that I now can be though about health and safety, and as angry as he can be, he doesn't rage any more. Definitely, these big girl therapeutic panties are a must to deal with such a father (as far as I know, a former difficult child). On the "let it go", I do for matters which have no impacts for health or safety, like "he goes to a professional appointment with a Bob the Sponge t-shirt and Mickey Mouse socks". I see no point to battle. I have other more important matters to fight about. With my dad, I'd rather pick my battles. I accept to take extreme measures for what it deals with health and safety. Here, the only thing I could do was sending this letter to the administrative service for driving license, making him have a medical exam. Period. What is the outcome of this visit (he got out with one year certification) is absolutely not my job, and not something I can control. The tiny tiny path I can use to make him something understand about his drunk driving is getting him to a doctor I know. He won't listen to me if I say that it's not okay, because for him, I am not a legitimate person, I am incompetent for that. I say then ok, fine. So if a doctor tells him the same, then he will listen. I will use this strategy. Unfortunately, about health and safety, it's the only strategy which works. He already bought the idea of going to my therapist for an explanation, as he does not absolutely listen to me otherwise. A tiny path, but I go for it. The only problem is that I am not sure whatever therapist will accept to see him or not (I can completely accept he doesn't want to see my dad). So I am trying to find a plan B in that case, in order to drag my father there. Much easier said than done. Before her divorce with my dad, and even after, my mom covered up his mistakes and has always been reluctant for extreme measures, arguing that "it's against my values". She played the tune of "you're disrespectful towards your dad". Her North African Jewish origins, I guess.... I asked her that since her pedagogy didn't work and that she doesn't want extreme measures, what did she propose then. She didn't know what to answer. So I concluded to her that she let me do the job, since she does not want to do the job herself : or she does the job, or she stops criticizing. But she can't do both (she played the same pattern with the law I am fighting against : my reply didn't vary, she had the choice to do the job for me or to stop criticizing. Invariably, she didn't know what to answer). The only progress is that he accepts to deal with some of his responsibilities now that I am tough. It's something I can definitively enjoy it, even if having to put my big girl therapeutic panties is often exhausting and not always rewarding. But let see on the long run, instead of the short term view of mom. [/QUOTE]
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Sorry girl, need to vent. Here we go !! Sleepless night again !!
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