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Sorry girl, need to vent. Here we go !! Sleepless night again !!
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 520373" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>I know I parent my dad, and I am perfectly aware of it.</p><p>The only problem is that he has a 7 years old son, as I said before. At this age, my stepbrother doesn't always discern the good example to the bad example. And even if he were able to do so, he doesn't have the mean to say "no" to dad when it deals with drunk driving, like refusing to sit in the car when dad drank. </p><p>His wife speaks, speaks, speaks but it's only wind. </p><p>There wouldn't be my stepbrother (I remind you that he is 7 years old, not 26 years old like me), I wouldn't have taken the decision to send the letter to the administrative service for driving license. </p><p></p><p>Either I parent or not parent my dad, the situation is unhealthy in both of the situations. For the experience I have with him, it is the least evil to parent him. Maybe it would have be different with someone else. I perfectly know that. </p><p>I know it's theoretically not the ideal situation (my mom told me the same), but letting go without doing anything has not given the slightest outcome, the problem even worsens : been there done that. So I won't renew the same mistakes again, I won't "refuse to parent him because it's not acceptable from the society's point of view" and let him endanger someone else, especially his 7 years old son. </p><p>At least, he accepts to go to my therapist (if the therapist agrees). My therapist will probably be more able to explain him, as it is his job. So I do what I can do directly and I give to the persons which is their job to do what I honestly can't do. Unfortunately, it is the only system which works with him. </p><p></p><p>If my therapist doesn't agree, I have to find someone else. But who ? Big question. I know some doctors in the field of driving license, unfortunately, as we always say, "the children's shoemaker always go barefoot". </p><p>But it's the doctor's job to explain to dad that drunk driving is absolutely not okay no matter what. Not my job. So I act accordingly, it will fall on the doctor to explain him. </p><p>I did what I could directly control with his driving license, I also can find a doctor to explain him that drunk driving is not okay, and my job stops there. </p><p></p><p>I agree with you that I can control my actions. Setting firm boundaries to my dad and sticking to them is an action I can control. My first and foremost boundary is health-safety, that it's not okay to endanger anyone else. </p><p>And it's giving him a service. </p><p>Again, I am aware that it's parenting, but not doing so worsens the situation. been there done that. </p><p>So my solution is picking up my battles, sticking to what is absolutely important no matter what and let the rest go. </p><p>Otherwise, I would be insane ++++++++++++++. </p><p></p><p>And yes, he can put goofy clothes if he wants, it's not my problem but his. Outside the field of health and safety, it's not absolutely my problem but his. It's his life, not mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 520373, member: 14306"] I know I parent my dad, and I am perfectly aware of it. The only problem is that he has a 7 years old son, as I said before. At this age, my stepbrother doesn't always discern the good example to the bad example. And even if he were able to do so, he doesn't have the mean to say "no" to dad when it deals with drunk driving, like refusing to sit in the car when dad drank. His wife speaks, speaks, speaks but it's only wind. There wouldn't be my stepbrother (I remind you that he is 7 years old, not 26 years old like me), I wouldn't have taken the decision to send the letter to the administrative service for driving license. Either I parent or not parent my dad, the situation is unhealthy in both of the situations. For the experience I have with him, it is the least evil to parent him. Maybe it would have be different with someone else. I perfectly know that. I know it's theoretically not the ideal situation (my mom told me the same), but letting go without doing anything has not given the slightest outcome, the problem even worsens : been there done that. So I won't renew the same mistakes again, I won't "refuse to parent him because it's not acceptable from the society's point of view" and let him endanger someone else, especially his 7 years old son. At least, he accepts to go to my therapist (if the therapist agrees). My therapist will probably be more able to explain him, as it is his job. So I do what I can do directly and I give to the persons which is their job to do what I honestly can't do. Unfortunately, it is the only system which works with him. If my therapist doesn't agree, I have to find someone else. But who ? Big question. I know some doctors in the field of driving license, unfortunately, as we always say, "the children's shoemaker always go barefoot". But it's the doctor's job to explain to dad that drunk driving is absolutely not okay no matter what. Not my job. So I act accordingly, it will fall on the doctor to explain him. I did what I could directly control with his driving license, I also can find a doctor to explain him that drunk driving is not okay, and my job stops there. I agree with you that I can control my actions. Setting firm boundaries to my dad and sticking to them is an action I can control. My first and foremost boundary is health-safety, that it's not okay to endanger anyone else. And it's giving him a service. Again, I am aware that it's parenting, but not doing so worsens the situation. been there done that. So my solution is picking up my battles, sticking to what is absolutely important no matter what and let the rest go. Otherwise, I would be insane ++++++++++++++. And yes, he can put goofy clothes if he wants, it's not my problem but his. Outside the field of health and safety, it's not absolutely my problem but his. It's his life, not mine. [/QUOTE]
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Sorry girl, need to vent. Here we go !! Sleepless night again !!
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