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Sorry so long but the ending is soooo worth it!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 407026" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>How old is he now? We had tis problem with difficult child 1 from about age 11, until age 15 or so. He kept trying to 'prove' to himself first, so he could then say to us, that he didn't need medications or to avoid caffeine. But eventually he had to accept that we were right. The problem for us - difficult child 1 couldn't see the difference in himself when he didn't do the right thing. Everyone else was crabby, though! He couldn't see that everyone else was crabby with him, because he was out of control.</p><p></p><p>You had a really good result. Now you need to talk to him about why he doesn't want to go to Sunday School or church. We went through this with easy child, and then easy child 2/difficult child 2. To a certain extent now, difficult child 3. Their reasons were generally because they felt excluded, or disapproved of. I remember easy child 2/difficult child 2 bringing her new boyfriend (the ex, now) to church one day. They actually arrived towards the end of church (not a big deal for us - they had only just got back to the village for the day) and I was horrified to hear how some of the other girls, one in particular, were speaking to my daughter. "We all know what you've been doing with him," the girl sniffed loudly. Whether or not she was at that time sleeping with him (and I don't think she was at that point, although I think it was the final straw - "might as well do what we're being accused of anyway") was not relevant and certainly not something that should have been said loudly in public. It was perhaps the last time easy child 2/difficult child 2 ever went to church with us.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 3 was little, he was the only boy in our church congregation kids. We had about 20 girls, and only one boy. difficult child 1 is ten years older. So the girls used to gang up on him. They would have "boy-free zones" and actually barricade various places and only let adults through, or girls. Very mean.</p><p>Mind you - when difficult child 3 finally started school, these same kids who had ostracised him at church and Sunday School became his champions. It was OK for them to be mean to hi, but not for anyone else. They stopped being mean to him at about that time, too. Our church congregation is much more like family than most churches, these kids behaved more like squabbling siblings than casual friends. This is perhaps why it hurt easy child 2/difficult child 2 so much, to be treated like dirt when she introduced her new boyfriend to people. Looking back - I think it was a combination of jealousy, plus easy child 2/difficult child 2 was always more physically demonstrative and extrovert than most, she was coming across as almost manic in her determination to depict happiness that day. I think one mean girl wanted to publicly burst her bubble.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, it worked.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 407026, member: 1991"] How old is he now? We had tis problem with difficult child 1 from about age 11, until age 15 or so. He kept trying to 'prove' to himself first, so he could then say to us, that he didn't need medications or to avoid caffeine. But eventually he had to accept that we were right. The problem for us - difficult child 1 couldn't see the difference in himself when he didn't do the right thing. Everyone else was crabby, though! He couldn't see that everyone else was crabby with him, because he was out of control. You had a really good result. Now you need to talk to him about why he doesn't want to go to Sunday School or church. We went through this with easy child, and then easy child 2/difficult child 2. To a certain extent now, difficult child 3. Their reasons were generally because they felt excluded, or disapproved of. I remember easy child 2/difficult child 2 bringing her new boyfriend (the ex, now) to church one day. They actually arrived towards the end of church (not a big deal for us - they had only just got back to the village for the day) and I was horrified to hear how some of the other girls, one in particular, were speaking to my daughter. "We all know what you've been doing with him," the girl sniffed loudly. Whether or not she was at that time sleeping with him (and I don't think she was at that point, although I think it was the final straw - "might as well do what we're being accused of anyway") was not relevant and certainly not something that should have been said loudly in public. It was perhaps the last time easy child 2/difficult child 2 ever went to church with us. When difficult child 3 was little, he was the only boy in our church congregation kids. We had about 20 girls, and only one boy. difficult child 1 is ten years older. So the girls used to gang up on him. They would have "boy-free zones" and actually barricade various places and only let adults through, or girls. Very mean. Mind you - when difficult child 3 finally started school, these same kids who had ostracised him at church and Sunday School became his champions. It was OK for them to be mean to hi, but not for anyone else. They stopped being mean to him at about that time, too. Our church congregation is much more like family than most churches, these kids behaved more like squabbling siblings than casual friends. This is perhaps why it hurt easy child 2/difficult child 2 so much, to be treated like dirt when she introduced her new boyfriend to people. Looking back - I think it was a combination of jealousy, plus easy child 2/difficult child 2 was always more physically demonstrative and extrovert than most, she was coming across as almost manic in her determination to depict happiness that day. I think one mean girl wanted to publicly burst her bubble. Sadly, it worked. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Sorry so long but the ending is soooo worth it!
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