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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 35243" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I also got hit with a belt when I was growing up. It was on very rare occasions and really, didn't hurt physically, it was just the embarrassment of it all. Did it make me a better person? I don't think so. Did it scar me for life? Not physically, but I would have been happier without it.</p><p>My mother generally only hit with her hand, after extreme provocation and generally not past a certain age (about 10). I remember her threatening grandchildren with a wooden spoon but the threat was enough, she never had to use it. She's the one who taught me to threaten with a bright red fly swat - you rarely have to use it and when you do, the thing is so floppy you can't do any damage. I mainly used it in the car when kids were misbehaving BADLY - the fly swat would reach. But mostly I just had to brandish it and the kids would start behaving. And because this punishment IS so toothless, it's pointless to use it once the child is about 6 (a lot less, in our case - I stopped even threatening the fly swat, when the kids were about 4). </p><p></p><p>A smack should not be designed to hurt, it should be a rapid reminder only. Once this stops working, you don't use it. If you can use something else, you should.</p><p></p><p>Despite all that, I don't think smacking or hitting with a belt is productive. In fact, it looks like smacking is about to be legislated against in Australia. We already have strong laws against anything approaching physical abuse, but this could soon be extended to include ALL forms of smacking.</p><p></p><p>In this situation it boils down to - is this producing a genuine improvement in the boys' behaviour? If it is, is this improvement also connected with teaching the boy that hitting is how you assert your authority and get your point across?</p><p></p><p>His father says he's using hitting only as a last resort, and that he's using other discipline techniques mostly.</p><p></p><p>How is your son when you talk to him about any of this? How is he in school? Can you talk to his teachers and ask their opinions on whether he is making progress? You need an independent eye on this, to see if it is as bad as you fear, or if (against what a lot of us may be feeling) the child is actually benefiting from this treatment.</p><p></p><p>The problems with reporting this to CPS - you're not there, you really aren't a witness. It could be worse than you fear, but it could also be nothing. And because this could turn custodial, CPS could read things into your complaint that aren't necessarily there.</p><p></p><p>I'd so some independent digging on how difficult child is coping, in general. Talk to the doctor. Talk to the teachers. Talk to difficult child & ex-husband. You'll be in the area in June, if you can wait that long to step in.</p><p></p><p>Basically, I think you need more info.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 35243, member: 1991"] I also got hit with a belt when I was growing up. It was on very rare occasions and really, didn't hurt physically, it was just the embarrassment of it all. Did it make me a better person? I don't think so. Did it scar me for life? Not physically, but I would have been happier without it. My mother generally only hit with her hand, after extreme provocation and generally not past a certain age (about 10). I remember her threatening grandchildren with a wooden spoon but the threat was enough, she never had to use it. She's the one who taught me to threaten with a bright red fly swat - you rarely have to use it and when you do, the thing is so floppy you can't do any damage. I mainly used it in the car when kids were misbehaving BADLY - the fly swat would reach. But mostly I just had to brandish it and the kids would start behaving. And because this punishment IS so toothless, it's pointless to use it once the child is about 6 (a lot less, in our case - I stopped even threatening the fly swat, when the kids were about 4). A smack should not be designed to hurt, it should be a rapid reminder only. Once this stops working, you don't use it. If you can use something else, you should. Despite all that, I don't think smacking or hitting with a belt is productive. In fact, it looks like smacking is about to be legislated against in Australia. We already have strong laws against anything approaching physical abuse, but this could soon be extended to include ALL forms of smacking. In this situation it boils down to - is this producing a genuine improvement in the boys' behaviour? If it is, is this improvement also connected with teaching the boy that hitting is how you assert your authority and get your point across? His father says he's using hitting only as a last resort, and that he's using other discipline techniques mostly. How is your son when you talk to him about any of this? How is he in school? Can you talk to his teachers and ask their opinions on whether he is making progress? You need an independent eye on this, to see if it is as bad as you fear, or if (against what a lot of us may be feeling) the child is actually benefiting from this treatment. The problems with reporting this to CPS - you're not there, you really aren't a witness. It could be worse than you fear, but it could also be nothing. And because this could turn custodial, CPS could read things into your complaint that aren't necessarily there. I'd so some independent digging on how difficult child is coping, in general. Talk to the doctor. Talk to the teachers. Talk to difficult child & ex-husband. You'll be in the area in June, if you can wait that long to step in. Basically, I think you need more info. Marg [/QUOTE]
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