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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 145799" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Heather</p><p> </p><p>Thank you for offering the books. I have books on bipolar, but none on borderline. What I know I've researched online. They would be appreciated. I'll look for that one for the DBT. I know she needs that therapy. </p><p> </p><p>I agree this was so very much a Borderline (BPD) episode.</p><p> </p><p>boyfriend showed up on my doorstep this afternoon. Nichole had kept him up all night fighting because "he'd gotten her thrown out". That's what boyfriend got for letting her stay there. *sigh* This afternoon she demanded he find her a place to live. Which is how he ended up on my door step.</p><p> </p><p>We had a long talk, 2 hours worth. This tells me how serious it is getting lately since I know boyfriend is terrified of me. He told me basically what I'm seeing here, but with the drama fights mixed in. So, there is no reason to not believe him. He cares, but she scares him. </p><p> </p><p>You know, it's awful but I told him that I wonderf if the most recent behavior isn't Nichole wanting me to throw her out. You know, force the issue. Maybe not even a conscious effort, but there none the less. He told me he is scared to death to move in together, and God forbid marriage at this point. And I not only agreed, but told him I think it's the worst thing they could do right now. Relationships aren't supposed to be so hard.</p><p> </p><p>We talked about alot. He knows he is at fault in some areas. I guess that's a start. He'd never admit it before. Maybe he's beginning to grow up a little too.</p><p> </p><p>I did tell him if she ever hits him again he needs to call the police. That behavior has to stop. And it becomes a pattern that can escalate. It hurt me to say that about my own child. But it is the truth. I'm worried if this becomes a pattern what is going to happen one day Nichole doesn't feel so protective over the baby (like when Aubrey's older) and turns her rage in that direction. It truely does worry me.</p><p> </p><p>Worst part of it all is Nichole won't take responsibility when she does this.</p><p> </p><p>She showed up after he'd been here quite awhile fuming mad. He tried, right in front of me, to end the fight. Over and over again. And since I was already involved, yes this time I contributed. boyfriend had no clue of why she'd ever gotten mad in the first place and told her so. She kept saying she wasn't mad at him. Finally I asked her <strong>what </strong>she was mad at. She said she didn't know. She's always mad.</p><p> </p><p>It took a long time to bring her out of this rage. It didn't esculate because I was right there. There was no logic to it. None. And much to both our credits, this time both boyfriend and I forced to to take responsibility for her behavior. It wasn't pretty. But she needed to face it.</p><p> </p><p>She is back. So we will see. I am going to type up some rules ect. She will have a deadline to move out. I think finding independence is crutial for her. So we'll work toward that. I haven't had a chance to talk with her alone yet. </p><p> </p><p>I do think she can learn to control it. I think she can improve it. She just has to learn to recognize it and learn to stop. She has improved. I have to keep hoping she will continue.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 145799, member: 84"] Heather Thank you for offering the books. I have books on bipolar, but none on borderline. What I know I've researched online. They would be appreciated. I'll look for that one for the DBT. I know she needs that therapy. I agree this was so very much a Borderline (BPD) episode. boyfriend showed up on my doorstep this afternoon. Nichole had kept him up all night fighting because "he'd gotten her thrown out". That's what boyfriend got for letting her stay there. *sigh* This afternoon she demanded he find her a place to live. Which is how he ended up on my door step. We had a long talk, 2 hours worth. This tells me how serious it is getting lately since I know boyfriend is terrified of me. He told me basically what I'm seeing here, but with the drama fights mixed in. So, there is no reason to not believe him. He cares, but she scares him. You know, it's awful but I told him that I wonderf if the most recent behavior isn't Nichole wanting me to throw her out. You know, force the issue. Maybe not even a conscious effort, but there none the less. He told me he is scared to death to move in together, and God forbid marriage at this point. And I not only agreed, but told him I think it's the worst thing they could do right now. Relationships aren't supposed to be so hard. We talked about alot. He knows he is at fault in some areas. I guess that's a start. He'd never admit it before. Maybe he's beginning to grow up a little too. I did tell him if she ever hits him again he needs to call the police. That behavior has to stop. And it becomes a pattern that can escalate. It hurt me to say that about my own child. But it is the truth. I'm worried if this becomes a pattern what is going to happen one day Nichole doesn't feel so protective over the baby (like when Aubrey's older) and turns her rage in that direction. It truely does worry me. Worst part of it all is Nichole won't take responsibility when she does this. She showed up after he'd been here quite awhile fuming mad. He tried, right in front of me, to end the fight. Over and over again. And since I was already involved, yes this time I contributed. boyfriend had no clue of why she'd ever gotten mad in the first place and told her so. She kept saying she wasn't mad at him. Finally I asked her [B]what [/B]she was mad at. She said she didn't know. She's always mad. It took a long time to bring her out of this rage. It didn't esculate because I was right there. There was no logic to it. None. And much to both our credits, this time both boyfriend and I forced to to take responsibility for her behavior. It wasn't pretty. But she needed to face it. She is back. So we will see. I am going to type up some rules ect. She will have a deadline to move out. I think finding independence is crutial for her. So we'll work toward that. I haven't had a chance to talk with her alone yet. I do think she can learn to control it. I think she can improve it. She just has to learn to recognize it and learn to stop. She has improved. I have to keep hoping she will continue. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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