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Spoiled because of Guilt?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 50278" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>I recall in the early days following my separation and subsequent divorce feeling guilty...and I may have allowed certain behaviors to go unchecked by me out of that guilt. I think that perhaps I allowed my girls to give voice to feelings that would have otherwise been squelched in a 'normal, nuclear family-type' home. Then I snapped out of it and stopped feeling guilty! My God! Their little lives would have been h.e.l.l if I had stayed with their father. Life changes and moves one. My parents and those of my peers never EVER considered how their decisions effected those of their children.</p><p></p><p>Flash forward to when difficult child was officially diagnosed and we realized that she wasn't just having normal temper tantrums (made easy child look like an angel). Then, I would say, is the time that the spoiling began. I don't really like the term spoiled, like bad fruit. I don't consider her spoiled, because I don't think she is. I DO think both of my daughters are 'privileged' and have been very 'fortunate' to be raised where and how and by whom they were raised.</p><p></p><p>I guess they are not spoiled in the sense that we buy them things or allow them to do whatever they want, but they might be considered spoiled in that they have grown up with the attitude that they can freely express what they feel, at times without regard for how it makes others feel - and that I regret at times. easy child, of course, is not as outspoken and she has diplomacy and consideration for others. difficult child, however, spills her guts, especially if SHE is upset or affected and sometimes I can see the appalled look on other's faces! I want to hide and say, "Really, I taught her manners - she isn't mine!"</p><p></p><p>H tells me every chance he gets that they are spoiled. I suppose easy child could be seen as being more spoiled than difficult child. She was always good so she rarely got punished - I'm now learning that she was just a better liar? Haha = seriously, she almost always gets what she wants. Even when I say no to her, I come around. I think I'm harder on difficult child because she's always been so difficult. Now that sounds really bad, doesn't it??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 50278, member: 2211"] I recall in the early days following my separation and subsequent divorce feeling guilty...and I may have allowed certain behaviors to go unchecked by me out of that guilt. I think that perhaps I allowed my girls to give voice to feelings that would have otherwise been squelched in a 'normal, nuclear family-type' home. Then I snapped out of it and stopped feeling guilty! My God! Their little lives would have been h.e.l.l if I had stayed with their father. Life changes and moves one. My parents and those of my peers never EVER considered how their decisions effected those of their children. Flash forward to when difficult child was officially diagnosed and we realized that she wasn't just having normal temper tantrums (made easy child look like an angel). Then, I would say, is the time that the spoiling began. I don't really like the term spoiled, like bad fruit. I don't consider her spoiled, because I don't think she is. I DO think both of my daughters are 'privileged' and have been very 'fortunate' to be raised where and how and by whom they were raised. I guess they are not spoiled in the sense that we buy them things or allow them to do whatever they want, but they might be considered spoiled in that they have grown up with the attitude that they can freely express what they feel, at times without regard for how it makes others feel - and that I regret at times. easy child, of course, is not as outspoken and she has diplomacy and consideration for others. difficult child, however, spills her guts, especially if SHE is upset or affected and sometimes I can see the appalled look on other's faces! I want to hide and say, "Really, I taught her manners - she isn't mine!" H tells me every chance he gets that they are spoiled. I suppose easy child could be seen as being more spoiled than difficult child. She was always good so she rarely got punished - I'm now learning that she was just a better liar? Haha = seriously, she almost always gets what she wants. Even when I say no to her, I come around. I think I'm harder on difficult child because she's always been so difficult. Now that sounds really bad, doesn't it?? [/QUOTE]
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