spoled or something more??

[flash473]

Hello, I am new to the forum. I am a frustrated mom in need of some advice from people who understand. I have a 4 year old son who is very hard to handle. I just had an arguement with him over how his chocolate milk was stirred! I made him some chocolate milk then asked if I could have a drink. He said yes very sweetly then noticed (how I'll never know) that I had stirred it a little with the straw and went into meltdown mode. The milk was no longer drinkable and he screamed for 10 minutes until my husband grabbled him and made him lay down for a nap! We had gone out for some taco bell earlier and when we got home he insisted that I carry him in from the car. My hands were full and I couldn't carry him so he sat in the car and screamed until I came out and carried him in. I probably shouldn't have come back out for him but it is hot and I worried about him sitting out there by himself. These episodes are daily and my presence seem to intensify them. I don't know if he is spoiled or has some type of dissorder. My in laws seem to think I spoil him and his behavior is a result of that. Mabye it is me I just don't know. Advice?

 

[BusynMember]

I don't think he's spoiled. I don't think any of our k ids are spoiled. What do they mean by spoiled anyway? Sounds like something is going on with him. We would have to have more info to give you more helpful information. How was his early development? Any major stress ever happen in his life? Any siblings? Does he live with both biological parents?

Did your son speak on time? Did he cuddle when he was young? Did he and does he make good eye contact with both you and strangers? Can he transition from one activity to another? Is he unusually rigid? Any sensitivities to loud noise, certain textures, certain foods, etc? The more you tell us, the more we can try to help.

by the way, you were a very good parent to get your son out of the hot car. What sort of parent would risk a child's health just to win a point? Don't beat yourself up over that. Something is going on that is beyond your control and you are trying to keep your child safe. I would not pay much attention to the in-laws. Even without knowing more, I can tell you that an evaluation would be helpful. I prefer neuropsychs.

 

[keista]

Welcome to the board!

Doesn't sound spoiled to me. Definitely sounds like something else is going on. MidwestMom's questions are all a good start to get up more info.

These episodes are daily and my presence seem to intensify them.

I'm just guessing that you spend more time with him that anyone else. This makes perfect sense since, by now, he expects you to "get him", but you don't. You haven't figured out quite what makes him tic, and his language and self awareness aren't fully developed, so he can't explain it to you, but that doesn't stop him from getting upset with you when you do things "wrong" (Not that you are, it's just his perspective.)

My in laws seem to think I spoil him and his behavior is a result of that.

Yeah, we all get that a lot. How often are they around? Do they see how these meltdowns are a DAILY struggle? Start growing tough rhino skin, and go with your 'mom gut'

I probably shouldn't have come back out for him but it is hot and I worried about him sitting out there by himself

Absolutely, positively, NOT TRUE. You did the ABSOLUTELY RIGHT thing. Yes, I've left my kids in the car when they were being difficult or obstinate, but NEVER in the summer. Even with doors open, it can get too hot for a child, and if they are in a screaming crying fit, they are dehydrating through their tears and expending energy and getting 'heated up' on their own. As MidwestMom, mentioned, safety is the number 1 priority.

Welcome again.

 

[Ktllc]

I could have written that thread! You are describing the kind of behavior that my son exhibits. It seems so stupid to explain that you just went through a terrible argument/meltdown over stirring chocolate milk... but that is the reality that only those people on the forum can understand.
And the accumulation of "stupid" arguments is just plain exhausting.
I have yet to find an answer. I try to make him as independent as possible (so he can do it HIS way) and let him re-do things if he feels the need (although it looks real ridiculous from my perspective). But it does not prevent every meltdowns.
Glad you found us. Read the other threads, it might help.

 

[Liahona]

I have found with my kids that they will do well when they can. I know there are some kids out there that won't (the very scary diagnosis's). But I think that most kids will. Sometimes sensory or transition issues make it so they can't do well and they melt down. Its not pleasant for them just like its not pleasant for me. These kids constantly keep us questioning our parenting and sometimes its not how well we parent. I would love it to be my parenting because then it would be so much easier to fix. Unfortunately, it comes down to stirring the milk.

 

[keista]

I would love it to be my parenting because then it would be so much easier to fix.

Truer words have never been spoken!

Although we do have to learn new parenting techniques for our difficult children, those new techniques don't *fix* anything, just make life marginally more bearable.

 

[Free Kittens]

Hi Flash

Everyone has great advice for you so I'm just saying welcome to the group.

Free Kittens