Spring time

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Apr 6, 2018.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    My daughters spa has picked up business so the money is finally coming in. We talked about the house in full detail and she is going to stay there and try to make it work. She had an apartment all picked out and was getting ready to move when all of a sudden she had a change in luck. Yesterday we had a long discussion on her lying. I asked her what her future plans were and if she was planning on marrying her 1/2 boyfriend. I did not sense she was manic, I thought she was up front. She told me she thought she was too mean to live with anyone. I did not say anything but I know that as truth. I told her I was glad her 1/2 boyfriend has never punched her and then she took offense to that. She said that hurt her feelings and I told her that she can push someone to that point easily and I was just pointing out a good point of his. From now on I will keep my mouth shut about 1/2 ass boyfriend because it does not matter what I say about him, it is the wrong thing. My daughter came over after work today with a bunch of flowers and I fixed her a large bowl of organic cabbage. I know life is short and unpredictable. My husband went to a funeral this evening, the man was our age. It just reminds us that life is truly short and feeling deeply happy is so important and so good for our health.
    This past winter I had been sick much more than usual and I am positive it is because of my daughter, even with detaching she still gets under my skin. She has asked me to work at her spa with her but I will not because of her disrespect when she turns manic. I have community things going on and a busy schedule but I feel wore out and out of sorts. I had major dental surgery, my daughter took the day off to take me to the Dr. I was in surgery for almost 4 hours. On the way home we stopped to get my medications and then buy some soft food that I could eat. We got to my house and she said she was tired and started to doze off. I made a wonderful organic vegetable soup, woke her up and she ate it and then she went home to finish her nap, my husband comes home from work all worried about my surgery, eats a bowl of the soup and tells me that his worry over my surgery wore him completely out so he goes and takes a nap, here I am stuck with cleaning the kitchen all alone and I am the one that just had the surgery.

    So much going on in my life right now and I have acid reflux, sciatica, gums hurt and my son's 37th birthday is around the corner. Most of the time I am very healthy and happy and I will get back to that content happy place in my soul. I am still looking and dreaming of living in a highrise. I would love to see a beautiful view everyday, watch the storms come in and watch God's movie. I feel some major changes coming on and I am ready for them. Blessings and prayers that our hurt hearts will be lifted.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You deserve that highrise. Go for it, maybe not so close to your daughter.

    I am glad you don't have to worry about her finances now. You truly need to destress so you can get healthy. I have a few tips that may or may not help a bit.

    1. Say a prayer of gratitude every day. I read that having a gratitude journal helps ones mental health. Try it??!

    2. Meditate! I use guided meditations from YouTube and sometimes I even fall asleep during them but I always feel better afterward. Calmer. Meditation calms your mind. I like spiritual meditations.

    3. Stop, for your sake, being angry at daughter's boyfriend. He isn't all that bad...could be worse. He can deal with her and doesn't strike her. You said he has empathy. He isn't a criminal or drug abuser. Let him go. He is not worth your health. He may not be who you think your daughter should be with, but he isn't going to harm her. And the wrong man WOULD hit her. He seems harmless. That's important.

    4. Take nature walks every day. Notice the birds, the smell of grass, the breeze, the sky. Being music if you like.

    5. If you don't feel up to it and if the kitchen is dirty....wait to clean it up until you feel up to doing it, even if it's the next day. There is no rush. Get rest first if you need it. The house doesn't have to be done NOW...when you are not feeling your best. There is plenty of time!

    If you can turn back to your husband, date him, have fun together. My husband and I have been doing this. It's fun!

    Light and lots of love and good health! Your health first!
     
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    Last edited: Apr 6, 2018
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    This stress takes such a toll on our health. A wise decision not to work with her. Be good to yourself.
     
  4. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    SWOT, All the healthy stuff you mentioned I am doing or have done, thanks for reminding me. I don't hate my daughters 1/2 ass boyfriend, I just think they are horribly matched. She has kicked him out over 4 times and yet they are still together off and on. He has became very busy at his work so they don't have that much time to fight anymore, thank the good Lord.

    Littleboylost, I think of you often and your situation. I pray that things are going well with your son in rehab. I pray that his mature brain will kick in and he can straighten out. I sure hope the cop and her daughter will stay away. I pray that you and your husband and son will be united in love and family.

    Update. My daughter has been ok, she seems a bit more grounded, she had some fancy spa machines donated to her so her business is picking up and she is making her bills..She is the type of person that has to stay busy all the time or else she gets into trouble.
    I've been very tired this past winter. Winter is always hard on me, I look forward to the bright sunlight.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    NewStart, I hear you. However your daughter is very hard to get along with. There isn't man on earth who could put up with that treatment and not leave or, if he had a propensity toward violence, hit her. She needs to be healthy to attract the kind of man you wish for her. At least this one never hurts her. It could be worse.

    I am not a big fan of my oldest girl's SO of about 16 years. Nobody in the family likes him, although we try to hide it. My daughter is smart, creative, sweet and beautiful and he is antisocial, hides from us in the basement, and picks sometimes scary fights with my daughter. He quits jobs. Currently he is not employed. Ugh. I keep hoping they break up but she hasnt done it yet. And it's complicated now...they share a dear child and he is a pretty good father. All I can do is tell my daughter we are all here for her and my granddaughter if she needs a break or a place to stay. And then we step back. When I visit my daughter and granddaughter, I almost never see SO and that is fine with me. I am always very nice to him though. I try to do no damage. I like peace. And I want my girls to have peace. I won't stir the pot.

    It isn't always easy being Mom ;)
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2018