Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Standing strong in the aftermath.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 722515" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It is like looking at a war torn countryside right after the battlefield has been cleared of everything, isn't it? I remember those first days after Wiz left our home, when my kids would go to school. I had no idea what to do with myself, or our home. I am so glad you are able to look at those photos now. Let those photos bring back memories of special moments. Use them to refresh your memory of how it truly was rather than remembering how your son is claiming it is.</p><p></p><p>After I got over the very worst of the pain of having to move my child out, of having to give him up, I was able to pull some of the photos back out. I used those, and my memories, as my armor. I needed that armor when he was having a bad day and needed to attack me to feel better about something. I don't know why, but when he felt threatened, attacking Mom made him feel better. I used those photos of how close we were, and how much we loved each other, to keep those attacks from hurting as badly. </p><p></p><p>Your son is going to ramp up his requests and attacks because you have just shaken his world to the core. He didn't think you would really kick him out. He got a whole group of addiction experts to tell you, over and over, why you should keep him at home and support him!! He said he would go to school and rehab and get help. It is ABRACADABRA!!!! It is magic and it works, but it suddenly didn't work. So he left for a couple of days. Then he came back to see if he could come home for a night. Wow, he could stay a night. You still care. You offered naloxone, so you must want him to live. But then you told him he had to leave??? You are confusing him so badly right now. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't know what the rules are any more. You have shaken up his world. This means that each and every time you say no to him, he is going to get more mean. He is going to look for the new magic word. Clearly promising school and rehab no longer work, or they don't work all the time. In his mind he just has to find the new magic word. He won't think he has to do something, change his actions. He thinks he just has to find something to tell you. Prepare yourself for a huge increase in the drama of his world. He will have crisis after emergency after drama. There will be a few breakdowns in there probably. </p><p></p><p>You will likely want to either strangle him or move to somewhere he cannot find you before it is over. The more you help with his problems, the more he will come to you with them. The more you leave him to figure them out himself, the angrier he will be and the uglier his verbal attacks will be. Hang up when he is ugly or abusive or disrespectful on the phone. SWOT is right to hang up if her son is not respectful to her. Your son clearly is not overdosing if he has the breath to say nasty things to you, so you can hang up without worrying. If he calls back, tell him that you won't answer his number for one hour (or whatever length of time is reasonable to you) after whenever you hang up on him. You will hang up whenever he is ugly or abusive to you. You define whatever is ugly or abusive, he does not. Isn't that the lovely thing about talking to people on the phone? You don't have to talk to them if you don't want to. I just love that about phones. </p><p></p><p>It is getting colder now. I know you are worried about that. Do you know where he is staying? I had the impression it was somewhere with a curfew like a shelter? Will he use that to try to get back into the house? Before you allow that, consider giving him a sleeping bag. He will be angry about the gift. He may even treat it like the Narcan at first. Then he just might call and ask for it. It would let your mother's heart know he had something to help him keep warm without bringing him back into the house. With a sleeping bag, missing the shelter curfew wouldn't be an issue. In fact, you might just get the sleeping bag and offer it to him the next time he misses the curfew at the shelter rather than letting him sleep in the house. I would let him sleep outside rather than in the house or garage. It will make him angry, of course. That isn't the point. The point is to make him feel the consequences of missing the curfew of the shelter. He is in the shelter because he refused to go to rehab. If he thinks he can come home if the shelter is full or he misses curfew, he will miss curfew a lot. A sleeping bag gives you an option that isn't a nice warm bed at home. It gives him a logical consequence for missing his curfew. You could give him some hot coffee and warm socks and a hat if you want,. Letting him sleep at home is a reward. he shouldn't get a reward for missing curfew, in my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 722515, member: 1233"] It is like looking at a war torn countryside right after the battlefield has been cleared of everything, isn't it? I remember those first days after Wiz left our home, when my kids would go to school. I had no idea what to do with myself, or our home. I am so glad you are able to look at those photos now. Let those photos bring back memories of special moments. Use them to refresh your memory of how it truly was rather than remembering how your son is claiming it is. After I got over the very worst of the pain of having to move my child out, of having to give him up, I was able to pull some of the photos back out. I used those, and my memories, as my armor. I needed that armor when he was having a bad day and needed to attack me to feel better about something. I don't know why, but when he felt threatened, attacking Mom made him feel better. I used those photos of how close we were, and how much we loved each other, to keep those attacks from hurting as badly. Your son is going to ramp up his requests and attacks because you have just shaken his world to the core. He didn't think you would really kick him out. He got a whole group of addiction experts to tell you, over and over, why you should keep him at home and support him!! He said he would go to school and rehab and get help. It is ABRACADABRA!!!! It is magic and it works, but it suddenly didn't work. So he left for a couple of days. Then he came back to see if he could come home for a night. Wow, he could stay a night. You still care. You offered naloxone, so you must want him to live. But then you told him he had to leave??? You are confusing him so badly right now. He doesn't know what the rules are any more. You have shaken up his world. This means that each and every time you say no to him, he is going to get more mean. He is going to look for the new magic word. Clearly promising school and rehab no longer work, or they don't work all the time. In his mind he just has to find the new magic word. He won't think he has to do something, change his actions. He thinks he just has to find something to tell you. Prepare yourself for a huge increase in the drama of his world. He will have crisis after emergency after drama. There will be a few breakdowns in there probably. You will likely want to either strangle him or move to somewhere he cannot find you before it is over. The more you help with his problems, the more he will come to you with them. The more you leave him to figure them out himself, the angrier he will be and the uglier his verbal attacks will be. Hang up when he is ugly or abusive or disrespectful on the phone. SWOT is right to hang up if her son is not respectful to her. Your son clearly is not overdosing if he has the breath to say nasty things to you, so you can hang up without worrying. If he calls back, tell him that you won't answer his number for one hour (or whatever length of time is reasonable to you) after whenever you hang up on him. You will hang up whenever he is ugly or abusive to you. You define whatever is ugly or abusive, he does not. Isn't that the lovely thing about talking to people on the phone? You don't have to talk to them if you don't want to. I just love that about phones. It is getting colder now. I know you are worried about that. Do you know where he is staying? I had the impression it was somewhere with a curfew like a shelter? Will he use that to try to get back into the house? Before you allow that, consider giving him a sleeping bag. He will be angry about the gift. He may even treat it like the Narcan at first. Then he just might call and ask for it. It would let your mother's heart know he had something to help him keep warm without bringing him back into the house. With a sleeping bag, missing the shelter curfew wouldn't be an issue. In fact, you might just get the sleeping bag and offer it to him the next time he misses the curfew at the shelter rather than letting him sleep in the house. I would let him sleep outside rather than in the house or garage. It will make him angry, of course. That isn't the point. The point is to make him feel the consequences of missing the curfew of the shelter. He is in the shelter because he refused to go to rehab. If he thinks he can come home if the shelter is full or he misses curfew, he will miss curfew a lot. A sleeping bag gives you an option that isn't a nice warm bed at home. It gives him a logical consequence for missing his curfew. You could give him some hot coffee and warm socks and a hat if you want,. Letting him sleep at home is a reward. he shouldn't get a reward for missing curfew, in my opinion. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Standing strong in the aftermath.
Top