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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 359344" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I'm thinking along the same lines as thaat- all the way around. I'm sure I am depressed right now but I also know that this wasn't the cause- it is the result. Like I told the sd and PO today- even though I am not perfect and I acknowledge that- I KNOW I didn't do anything to difficult child that justifies him not being able to make it thru 2 days of school without skipping out. But then- I knew I wasn't imperfect enough or had done enough to justify him pulling a knife on me last year, too. But that is the def attny's ONLY defense. Unfortunately, that defense will more than likely lead difficult child to an abuser's hands. That is what I am trying to accept and emotionally handle now. Still, covering this up for difficult child didn't seem to be the answer. I keep coming back to them having to have full control- ok then they have got it- but then why don't they have to take responsibility for those decisions and the outcome the same as a parent would if they made a stupid decision and put the kid in the hands of someone who WILL cover for difficult child but WILL also allow molestation to occur because the person doesn't even view it as molestation? No matter what difficult child has done- he doesn't deserve that. And just because I think he needs consequences doesn't mean I'm trying to throw him away. I swear- my therapy said black and white thinking was a horrible thing but it appears to me that the people in the system are the worst B & W thinkers I have ever seen. And they lie. So for anyone out there wth a kid getting caught up in the system- I am not kidding- beware- there are people in there that do lie.</p><p>PO called back this afternoon after I picked difficult child up- I spoke with him then put difficult child on the phone- I heard difficult child tell PO that he it was all just depressing. OK- well I'm not saying difficult child might not be depressed too. But if I went over there and said the problem is that difficult child and I are depressed they would laugh in my face. I don't think difficult child has accused me of actual abuse because cps has never been involved- dss has but it was a different dept than cps. And that dss involvement was just to see if there was any family issue that might be contributing to the problem- you know- someeething we would want to know if it was the case or if we refused to care than the kid could be removed. So I'm not sure- I previously asked difficult child if he was so miserable at home that he couldn't stand it and he said no- he wants to live here- he just wants it on his terms. His terms are that he does what he wants and I cover for him. I won't do that- my bro will but it will be at a price that difficult child does not uunderstand at this point and would be abusive. The people in the courts apparently have a lot of doubt about that- but I am telling the truth. I don't doubt though that difficult child has played into some opportunity to blame me- I feel sure that he has. It's no wonder. The extended family blamed me for everything in front of difficult child years ago and the past 4 years, difficult child has heard people in court blame me. Again- it's not that I think I'm perfect or that I don't blame myself for things or are unwilling to change anything- I'm just saying I don't think I'm so imperfect that it has justified all he's doing and that teaching him to blame me instead of take responsibility is contributing to the problem.</p><p></p><p>I definitely agree that the people in the system will continue down a path of least resistance- funding wise- before acknowledging and addressin a problem that costs them something. I have seen that time and time again.</p><p></p><p> Regarding the label on me- I think my bro's lawyer from the custody case or my bro himself had written letters that ended up in difficult child's file that discredited me. I think the GAL also probably has her assessment- which would just be a recount of what these people said- in difficult child;'s file. On top of that- there was friction betweene the probation officer and I and I know for a fact she wrote a lett er to be put in difficult child's file- because she submitted a letter instead of appearing in court. I could tell by a comment by the previous judge that the PO had tried to burn me- she had to cover her rear somehow because she knew difficult child had esacalated and been in a phjosp about 5 times and pulled a knife on me before and she had done NOTHING and wouldn't even return a call to the psychiatric hospital. So as stupid as it appears to those in the know- if an unknowing person picked up a file and saw a derogatory letter from a family member, a GAL, and a PO- the conclusion would be made. But yes, I think difficult child is smart enough to see an opportunity thru this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 359344, member: 3699"] I'm thinking along the same lines as thaat- all the way around. I'm sure I am depressed right now but I also know that this wasn't the cause- it is the result. Like I told the sd and PO today- even though I am not perfect and I acknowledge that- I KNOW I didn't do anything to difficult child that justifies him not being able to make it thru 2 days of school without skipping out. But then- I knew I wasn't imperfect enough or had done enough to justify him pulling a knife on me last year, too. But that is the def attny's ONLY defense. Unfortunately, that defense will more than likely lead difficult child to an abuser's hands. That is what I am trying to accept and emotionally handle now. Still, covering this up for difficult child didn't seem to be the answer. I keep coming back to them having to have full control- ok then they have got it- but then why don't they have to take responsibility for those decisions and the outcome the same as a parent would if they made a stupid decision and put the kid in the hands of someone who WILL cover for difficult child but WILL also allow molestation to occur because the person doesn't even view it as molestation? No matter what difficult child has done- he doesn't deserve that. And just because I think he needs consequences doesn't mean I'm trying to throw him away. I swear- my therapy said black and white thinking was a horrible thing but it appears to me that the people in the system are the worst B & W thinkers I have ever seen. And they lie. So for anyone out there wth a kid getting caught up in the system- I am not kidding- beware- there are people in there that do lie. PO called back this afternoon after I picked difficult child up- I spoke with him then put difficult child on the phone- I heard difficult child tell PO that he it was all just depressing. OK- well I'm not saying difficult child might not be depressed too. But if I went over there and said the problem is that difficult child and I are depressed they would laugh in my face. I don't think difficult child has accused me of actual abuse because cps has never been involved- dss has but it was a different dept than cps. And that dss involvement was just to see if there was any family issue that might be contributing to the problem- you know- someeething we would want to know if it was the case or if we refused to care than the kid could be removed. So I'm not sure- I previously asked difficult child if he was so miserable at home that he couldn't stand it and he said no- he wants to live here- he just wants it on his terms. His terms are that he does what he wants and I cover for him. I won't do that- my bro will but it will be at a price that difficult child does not uunderstand at this point and would be abusive. The people in the courts apparently have a lot of doubt about that- but I am telling the truth. I don't doubt though that difficult child has played into some opportunity to blame me- I feel sure that he has. It's no wonder. The extended family blamed me for everything in front of difficult child years ago and the past 4 years, difficult child has heard people in court blame me. Again- it's not that I think I'm perfect or that I don't blame myself for things or are unwilling to change anything- I'm just saying I don't think I'm so imperfect that it has justified all he's doing and that teaching him to blame me instead of take responsibility is contributing to the problem. I definitely agree that the people in the system will continue down a path of least resistance- funding wise- before acknowledging and addressin a problem that costs them something. I have seen that time and time again. Regarding the label on me- I think my bro's lawyer from the custody case or my bro himself had written letters that ended up in difficult child's file that discredited me. I think the GAL also probably has her assessment- which would just be a recount of what these people said- in difficult child;'s file. On top of that- there was friction betweene the probation officer and I and I know for a fact she wrote a lett er to be put in difficult child's file- because she submitted a letter instead of appearing in court. I could tell by a comment by the previous judge that the PO had tried to burn me- she had to cover her rear somehow because she knew difficult child had esacalated and been in a phjosp about 5 times and pulled a knife on me before and she had done NOTHING and wouldn't even return a call to the psychiatric hospital. So as stupid as it appears to those in the know- if an unknowing person picked up a file and saw a derogatory letter from a family member, a GAL, and a PO- the conclusion would be made. But yes, I think difficult child is smart enough to see an opportunity thru this. [/QUOTE]
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