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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 684637" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>I agree suicide is a real danger. We lost a dear friend's son this past summer, and he kept how seriously depressed he was quite secret. My son is much like that, he doesn't threaten or have histrionics..he is not like that. When I flat out asked him about suicide, he admitted that it was something he has considered, and would probably do it, except he knows that it would really devastate us. He didn't say that to manipulate me. I had to pull it out.</p><p></p><p>He is for sure depressed and struggles with anxiety. I know that the drug use has contributed. In fact, he says that the drugs have probably changed his brain chemistry, and he knows that the pot use is a way of self medication. His pot use has not been as much, we haven't really seen the signs he is using, but his depression is what we are most concerned about. </p><p></p><p>Again, I know addicts will say anything. I grew up around two alcoholic grandparents, and my father in law. I worry he does have an addictive personality, but I am not ready to write him off completely. Some days I do that, I project a gloomy future and lament the potential lost, and it only makes me depressed.</p><p></p><p>In fact it was someone on here who told me not to give up so soon, not to write the end of the story......my sons are both young.</p><p></p><p>Right now we are taking it slow. We think both boys are moving out in the fall, and that may be a good thing. We will all get a little break. They are not moving in together. Younger son is moving in with other boys from Computer Science, so I'm not that worried about him. He is good with his money, and doesn't really party or do drugs. He is a normal kid, but pretty level headed.</p><p></p><p>Older son is another concern. He is terrible with money, but this will be good for him to see he can take care of himself. He told me the other day, that he feels bad about himself when I fix things or do things for him. He wants to take care of himself.</p><p></p><p>I need to let him. My biggest fear is that his roomates may be druggies.....his university friends would be a better option.....</p><p></p><p>I don't know what financial support we will give them. I would like to keep helping them somewhat with tuition, but husband is saying they need a full year on their own financially. To really appreciate it. I agree. I just so want them to make it.</p><p></p><p>I will back off....it's killing me, but I will do it.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for being here....I do come here all the time...you all are my lifeline in this whole "LOVING detachment" which I am not seeing as not caring, but as not fixing anymore......that is a big mind shift for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 684637, member: 19887"] I agree suicide is a real danger. We lost a dear friend's son this past summer, and he kept how seriously depressed he was quite secret. My son is much like that, he doesn't threaten or have histrionics..he is not like that. When I flat out asked him about suicide, he admitted that it was something he has considered, and would probably do it, except he knows that it would really devastate us. He didn't say that to manipulate me. I had to pull it out. He is for sure depressed and struggles with anxiety. I know that the drug use has contributed. In fact, he says that the drugs have probably changed his brain chemistry, and he knows that the pot use is a way of self medication. His pot use has not been as much, we haven't really seen the signs he is using, but his depression is what we are most concerned about. Again, I know addicts will say anything. I grew up around two alcoholic grandparents, and my father in law. I worry he does have an addictive personality, but I am not ready to write him off completely. Some days I do that, I project a gloomy future and lament the potential lost, and it only makes me depressed. In fact it was someone on here who told me not to give up so soon, not to write the end of the story......my sons are both young. Right now we are taking it slow. We think both boys are moving out in the fall, and that may be a good thing. We will all get a little break. They are not moving in together. Younger son is moving in with other boys from Computer Science, so I'm not that worried about him. He is good with his money, and doesn't really party or do drugs. He is a normal kid, but pretty level headed. Older son is another concern. He is terrible with money, but this will be good for him to see he can take care of himself. He told me the other day, that he feels bad about himself when I fix things or do things for him. He wants to take care of himself. I need to let him. My biggest fear is that his roomates may be druggies.....his university friends would be a better option..... I don't know what financial support we will give them. I would like to keep helping them somewhat with tuition, but husband is saying they need a full year on their own financially. To really appreciate it. I agree. I just so want them to make it. I will back off....it's killing me, but I will do it. Thanks for being here....I do come here all the time...you all are my lifeline in this whole "LOVING detachment" which I am not seeing as not caring, but as not fixing anymore......that is a big mind shift for me. [/QUOTE]
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