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<blockquote data-quote="WearyMom18" data-source="post: 653828" data-attributes="member: 18856"><p>Great evening, got to play with my absolute angel of a niece (she's 20 months old and an absolute pure joy) and had a great dinner and drinks with my sister. It was a fun evening - haven't done that in quite a while!</p><p></p><p>As I drove home, a song came on the radio that my Difficult Child always sang and for just a moment, the pain almost choked me. I felt a lump in my throat and I hurt for the pathetic existance my daughter is living and the loss of opportunity and time. She has missed one court date which will result in an arrest warrant and I'm sure jail time. Next week, is her second court date that I'm sure she won't attend, which will result in yet another arrest warrant and for the first time I'm not hurt that I can't help her, I'm hurting because it's sad - just plain sad. I guess some of that hurt is also because I miss her - I wouldn't mind the opportunity to hug her and tell her I love her.</p><p></p><p>I know that one day I will get to again - at least that is my hope. It's hard to do the tough love thing knowing that it makes it hard for your child even though, in the long run, it's what's best for her. </p><p></p><p>I think that feeling sadness is part of being a parent of a Difficult Child, part of living tough love, detachment and disengaging from co-dependency and its OK to feel sad. It's a sad situation and I mourn the choices my daughter is making for herself. I also know that I can't save her and by helping her with money or transportation I am actually hurting her - and that is also sad.</p><p></p><p>Don't we all wish we could save our children? The same children that are now adults but were once those sweet babies we gave birth to? I know I do - I wish it was possible for me to save her but it just isn't and I've accepted that fact. I'm glad I have accepted it because before I understood that, boy was it a desperate, painful feeling of suffering and sadness.</p><p></p><p>I can now feel sad when it comes along but it no longer lingers because I am worthy of peace and a happy life. I want to be healthy and happy and stable when and if the time ever comes that my daughter turns the corner and gets back on the highway of healthy life. I want to be there to enjoy her and love her. If that time never comes I will be disappointed and wish it had been different but I will accept it because it's the reality. I am facing this difficulty in my life head-on - working through the emotions and temptations with my eyes wide open. No more burying my head in the sand to avoid really admitting and accepting what is happening with my life and my child and what my role is in the mess of it.</p><p></p><p>I imagine I will always feel a bit of sadness or maybe even a lot of sadness at times so long as my daughter makes these choices and I'm okay with that - it's only the natural emotion to feel when you miss your Difficult Child. I'm okay, more okay than I have been in the past 4 years because I know where I stand and how to deal with what could have been a crippling circumstance for me emotionally if I were to allow it.</p><p></p><p>I love my Difficult Child and always will. I will always be her mother and by nature I will always hope for her happiness and health and want only the best for her. I will be here when and if she finds a way to love herself too. </p><p></p><p>Until then, I'm okay.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyMom18, post: 653828, member: 18856"] Great evening, got to play with my absolute angel of a niece (she's 20 months old and an absolute pure joy) and had a great dinner and drinks with my sister. It was a fun evening - haven't done that in quite a while! As I drove home, a song came on the radio that my Difficult Child always sang and for just a moment, the pain almost choked me. I felt a lump in my throat and I hurt for the pathetic existance my daughter is living and the loss of opportunity and time. She has missed one court date which will result in an arrest warrant and I'm sure jail time. Next week, is her second court date that I'm sure she won't attend, which will result in yet another arrest warrant and for the first time I'm not hurt that I can't help her, I'm hurting because it's sad - just plain sad. I guess some of that hurt is also because I miss her - I wouldn't mind the opportunity to hug her and tell her I love her. I know that one day I will get to again - at least that is my hope. It's hard to do the tough love thing knowing that it makes it hard for your child even though, in the long run, it's what's best for her. I think that feeling sadness is part of being a parent of a Difficult Child, part of living tough love, detachment and disengaging from co-dependency and its OK to feel sad. It's a sad situation and I mourn the choices my daughter is making for herself. I also know that I can't save her and by helping her with money or transportation I am actually hurting her - and that is also sad. Don't we all wish we could save our children? The same children that are now adults but were once those sweet babies we gave birth to? I know I do - I wish it was possible for me to save her but it just isn't and I've accepted that fact. I'm glad I have accepted it because before I understood that, boy was it a desperate, painful feeling of suffering and sadness. I can now feel sad when it comes along but it no longer lingers because I am worthy of peace and a happy life. I want to be healthy and happy and stable when and if the time ever comes that my daughter turns the corner and gets back on the highway of healthy life. I want to be there to enjoy her and love her. If that time never comes I will be disappointed and wish it had been different but I will accept it because it's the reality. I am facing this difficulty in my life head-on - working through the emotions and temptations with my eyes wide open. No more burying my head in the sand to avoid really admitting and accepting what is happening with my life and my child and what my role is in the mess of it. I imagine I will always feel a bit of sadness or maybe even a lot of sadness at times so long as my daughter makes these choices and I'm okay with that - it's only the natural emotion to feel when you miss your Difficult Child. I'm okay, more okay than I have been in the past 4 years because I know where I stand and how to deal with what could have been a crippling circumstance for me emotionally if I were to allow it. I love my Difficult Child and always will. I will always be her mother and by nature I will always hope for her happiness and health and want only the best for her. I will be here when and if she finds a way to love herself too. Until then, I'm okay. [/QUOTE]
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