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General Parenting
Step dad at my wits end.
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 387565" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Welcome... I am glad you found us, though sorry you had to!</p><p> </p><p>From the point of view of a stepmom of two kids who have been to hades and back... And husband has full custody now because of all this... How long have you been married? What are the custody arrangements? How long were Mom and Dad split before you arrived on the scene? Living arrangements? Does she have any diagnoses?</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, at first, when the kinds' bio mom had residential/shared parenting, I kinda stood back. I did what needed to be done, of course. When things started escalating, I had no choice but to step in. I see it this way: husband has to do the discipline - unless he is unavailable, and then I have to stand in similar to a babysitter or other relative watching the kids. I've made mistakes and gone too far with that. I am human (and so are you). But Susie's got a good point.</p><p> </p><p>As for the violence - no one, and I mean NO ONE - should have to worry about violence in their home. been there done that, still working through my own PTSD on that. For the time being, as long as she continues this behavior (and it may be till she is out of the house), she should NOT be left alone with the baby. The sibling rivalry plus her resentment could be dangerous if not deadly.</p><p> </p><p>How does your wife feel about this? She should not have to be abused, physically, verbally, or emotionally either. The counseling is a good move, though it could take far more time than you would expect. If your wife agrees with calling the police, then she probably understands how serious this is. Stepdau may need to be evaluated.</p><p> </p><p>Don't expect the other parent (Dad) to back you up at all. First off, you are the enemy. Of <em>course</em> he would blame you - you have "taken" his role as Dad, even though you and I (and the board) all know that's not it. Don't try. I got tired of hearing this, but you know what? It's so true. Think of yourself as the "bonus Dad". </p><p> </p><p>What works for me (and it doesn't always) may not work for you. But the physical danger is a biggie for me.</p><p> </p><p>Again, welcome. I'm not the best authority on this, of course, but know you're definitely not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 387565, member: 6705"] Welcome... I am glad you found us, though sorry you had to! From the point of view of a stepmom of two kids who have been to hades and back... And husband has full custody now because of all this... How long have you been married? What are the custody arrangements? How long were Mom and Dad split before you arrived on the scene? Living arrangements? Does she have any diagnoses? Honestly, at first, when the kinds' bio mom had residential/shared parenting, I kinda stood back. I did what needed to be done, of course. When things started escalating, I had no choice but to step in. I see it this way: husband has to do the discipline - unless he is unavailable, and then I have to stand in similar to a babysitter or other relative watching the kids. I've made mistakes and gone too far with that. I am human (and so are you). But Susie's got a good point. As for the violence - no one, and I mean NO ONE - should have to worry about violence in their home. been there done that, still working through my own PTSD on that. For the time being, as long as she continues this behavior (and it may be till she is out of the house), she should NOT be left alone with the baby. The sibling rivalry plus her resentment could be dangerous if not deadly. How does your wife feel about this? She should not have to be abused, physically, verbally, or emotionally either. The counseling is a good move, though it could take far more time than you would expect. If your wife agrees with calling the police, then she probably understands how serious this is. Stepdau may need to be evaluated. Don't expect the other parent (Dad) to back you up at all. First off, you are the enemy. Of [I]course[/I] he would blame you - you have "taken" his role as Dad, even though you and I (and the board) all know that's not it. Don't try. I got tired of hearing this, but you know what? It's so true. Think of yourself as the "bonus Dad". What works for me (and it doesn't always) may not work for you. But the physical danger is a biggie for me. Again, welcome. I'm not the best authority on this, of course, but know you're definitely not alone. [/QUOTE]
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