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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 393016" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Part of it is "like mother like daughter" but a big par of it has to be, what does she hear in her own home about you, husband and your kids? Kids in their teens tend to be ridiculously loyal to any parent they feel was wronged in a divorce; they take sides even when they shouldn't and some parents actually encourage this. It makes them feel better if a child of theirs, apparently independently, makes their preferences clear. It's an ego boost and often it can seem to be purely the child expressing their own independent opinion. But kids are smart they know what sells. It is so easy to reinforce this sort of behaviour unknowingly; do it knowingly and it's even easier.</p><p></p><p>She really does sound like a madam with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement. There could even be an element of "you owe me, for breaking up my stable home". I agree with a firm line being needed with her. But in your dealings keep reminding yourself that the only information she has about you and your family, is form a very skewed point of view from her mother. I would suggest husband take the line with her, that what she hears at home is not the whole picture, and she should find out the rest of the situation and make up her own mind, and not simply be her mother's mouthpiece. Any problems between husband and her mother are between the two of them, she should stay out of it utterly. It's nothing to do with stepGFG, nothing to do with easy child, they should stay off each other's cases. Out of each other's lives, if stepGFG can't behave.</p><p></p><p>I remember a good friend of mine taking sides in her parents' divorce. She also recruited us (we were all about 13 or 15 at the time) to be publicly mean to her mother and new stepfather. It was her stepfather who sorted it out for me - he came over to me (I'd been calling rude remarks) and said, "What is your problem with me? I hardly know you. I've never done anything to you, to make you so mean to me. Is it because you're friends with X? I know she is angry with her mother, and now with me, because her parents broke up. But that is between us, the adults in the picture. It has nothing to do with X and even less to do with you. So why not give me a chance, eh? Or at least make up your own mind about me, and let X sort out her own issues."</p><p></p><p>He was very polite to me, considering I had been so rude to him. About that time (for various mostly unrelated reasons) I lost contact with X anyway. I remember when I told her I would no longer be part of being mean to him, she just shrugged and indicated she was OK with my defection. I was beginning to realise she had a lot of unresolved issues which her parents (custodial father as well as her mother) should have sorted out for her. I hope they did.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 393016, member: 1991"] Part of it is "like mother like daughter" but a big par of it has to be, what does she hear in her own home about you, husband and your kids? Kids in their teens tend to be ridiculously loyal to any parent they feel was wronged in a divorce; they take sides even when they shouldn't and some parents actually encourage this. It makes them feel better if a child of theirs, apparently independently, makes their preferences clear. It's an ego boost and often it can seem to be purely the child expressing their own independent opinion. But kids are smart they know what sells. It is so easy to reinforce this sort of behaviour unknowingly; do it knowingly and it's even easier. She really does sound like a madam with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement. There could even be an element of "you owe me, for breaking up my stable home". I agree with a firm line being needed with her. But in your dealings keep reminding yourself that the only information she has about you and your family, is form a very skewed point of view from her mother. I would suggest husband take the line with her, that what she hears at home is not the whole picture, and she should find out the rest of the situation and make up her own mind, and not simply be her mother's mouthpiece. Any problems between husband and her mother are between the two of them, she should stay out of it utterly. It's nothing to do with stepGFG, nothing to do with easy child, they should stay off each other's cases. Out of each other's lives, if stepGFG can't behave. I remember a good friend of mine taking sides in her parents' divorce. She also recruited us (we were all about 13 or 15 at the time) to be publicly mean to her mother and new stepfather. It was her stepfather who sorted it out for me - he came over to me (I'd been calling rude remarks) and said, "What is your problem with me? I hardly know you. I've never done anything to you, to make you so mean to me. Is it because you're friends with X? I know she is angry with her mother, and now with me, because her parents broke up. But that is between us, the adults in the picture. It has nothing to do with X and even less to do with you. So why not give me a chance, eh? Or at least make up your own mind about me, and let X sort out her own issues." He was very polite to me, considering I had been so rude to him. About that time (for various mostly unrelated reasons) I lost contact with X anyway. I remember when I told her I would no longer be part of being mean to him, she just shrugged and indicated she was OK with my defection. I was beginning to realise she had a lot of unresolved issues which her parents (custodial father as well as her mother) should have sorted out for her. I hope they did. Marg [/QUOTE]
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