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Substance Abuse
Step Mom of substance addicted teen, needs advice
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<blockquote data-quote="secondhandrose" data-source="post: 451765" data-attributes="member: 12568"><p>Thank you! (don't worry, those are fictitious names for the kids) I agree with everything I've seen on this thread and I was poking around some more last night on other threads and just so greatful to have found this forum! And guess what! After getting Kiesta's reply before bed last night, I slept better than I have in weeks! And then to log on and see two more with more encouragement?! I love this place! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p></p><p>My husband is for the most part on the same page, I think that it will take some time for him to except all that we will need to do because Jarrod has always just come here for like a reatreat from his crazy life at home. It is a hard idea for Dad to lay down tough rules at this point because he has always been good time dad up until now. He knows instinctvly what needs to be done but it will take some serious will power for him to really put into action some tough rules. Jarrod has warned us before that he won't allow us to try and all of the sudden be authoritive. He likes to brag about his utter distain for any sort of authority, so I think all heck is about to break lose over here when he comes back. I also believe that he wants a reason to push us away. He is the type that loves drama, loves to be the kid in his group of friends that has the biggest most traumatic story to tell. He'd love no more for us to validate his stories of having a Dad that's never there, and a wicked step Mom, and he has said some crazy things about his own Mom. He loves this drama, so when we lay down rules I don't have any doubt that it will be casue for him to push away and go wallow in self pitty. I know that sounds terrible but this is his personality, plain and simple. He likes to play the angry victim. On a side note about the kitties: I thought about sending the cats to my sisters house while he is here, I really really am concered for thier little selves. I don't doubt that he may do something to them,when we lay down rules just to hurt us. </p><p></p><p>His Mom and us have opened the line of communication. Her and I did that about 3 years ago, and she usually talks with me. I know she has been doing everything she knows for Jarrod with his probation, court hearings, rehab, all of that. We have discussed the importance of providing a united front, but now I know that unfortunately that united fron has been way tooooo soft. Everyone is so scared he will run. But I am not going to buy that load of garbage anymore. Y'all are right, what do we have to loose anyway? And hopefully someday he will straighten up and remember that we did not enable him by being too dang soft. We have got a lot of work to do. Emm does know what's going on and is aware of all of the stuff he is going through. I only hope that she really knows just how uncool it is, because he has got her confused about that too. I have tried very hard to let her know that Jarrods life is not fun despite how he glamorizes it(which will not be tolerated at all anymore), and that she will end up in Juvy too if she wants to follow his advice. And absolutely no more drug talk! that is something I can't believe I allowed. I did tell him not to glorify it to my daughter, but he loves to tell his stories. NO MORE. You are right on. </p><p></p><p>So here's another question for everyone...since we only get Jarrod for a week next trip, and we will have little communication between now and then, do you think that we should send him a heartfelt but tough email outlining what he is to expect when he comes back? Or do we wait and have him come here, sit him down and risk having him go nuts and ruin Christmas? I mean I honestly don't know. I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops if he gets out of hand. </p><p></p><p>So here's another bombshell that is heavy on my heart. I have had serious fertility issues for years. My husband and I have been spending all sorts of money and my body has been through three surgeries to correct my infertility. We have been dreaming of having a baby together and are in debt up to our eyeballs from everything I've had to go through to try and achieve a pregnancy. So far after three years of trying we have been unable to concieve. After being told by every local Doctor that my only option was to have a hysterectomy and forget about a baby, I finally found a doctor three years ago who gave us hope and did detailed surgeries to correct what other Doctors said couldn't be saved. We jumped through all of the hoops and were given hope I never thought I'd have. Then we found out about Jarrods problems last year I knew then that it would be a bad time to try to bring a baby in. Which broke my heart into a million peices. I already know that I am prone to preterm labor as well as I had it terribly with my daughter, and this nonsense with Jarrod would definaltely not be good for preterm labor. I am 33 now and time is tickin'. But why would I try to bring another baby into this mess? I have been broken hearted over this all month long and holding resentment towards Jarrod for it. I know that's not fair and I feel extremely guilty about it. EXTREMELY. I can't help it. After all I've been through to have a baby, emotionally finacially and phisically. I am ******, and that's the plain and sad truth. I get sad when I see anyone pregnant. I try to be rational and thank God for the one baby I did miraculously carry(Emm) and be greatful for Jarrod. </p><p></p><p>So guess what? I am two weeks late, and will have to have a blood test to determine if I am actually pregnant. I am angry that I feel so sad about finally possibly being pregnant. Sometimes I just don't understand life. I know God has a plan for this family and I am a person of faith. But that doesn't mean that I am not terrified, confused, and angry. This precious thought of a baby is now a scary one. I have feelings of resentment towards Jarrod about this, and I know that is so wrong, I know. So extremely wrong, I am ashamed to say that, but I can't seem to help being angry at his selfishness and what it has cost our family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="secondhandrose, post: 451765, member: 12568"] Thank you! (don't worry, those are fictitious names for the kids) I agree with everything I've seen on this thread and I was poking around some more last night on other threads and just so greatful to have found this forum! And guess what! After getting Kiesta's reply before bed last night, I slept better than I have in weeks! And then to log on and see two more with more encouragement?! I love this place! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! My husband is for the most part on the same page, I think that it will take some time for him to except all that we will need to do because Jarrod has always just come here for like a reatreat from his crazy life at home. It is a hard idea for Dad to lay down tough rules at this point because he has always been good time dad up until now. He knows instinctvly what needs to be done but it will take some serious will power for him to really put into action some tough rules. Jarrod has warned us before that he won't allow us to try and all of the sudden be authoritive. He likes to brag about his utter distain for any sort of authority, so I think all heck is about to break lose over here when he comes back. I also believe that he wants a reason to push us away. He is the type that loves drama, loves to be the kid in his group of friends that has the biggest most traumatic story to tell. He'd love no more for us to validate his stories of having a Dad that's never there, and a wicked step Mom, and he has said some crazy things about his own Mom. He loves this drama, so when we lay down rules I don't have any doubt that it will be casue for him to push away and go wallow in self pitty. I know that sounds terrible but this is his personality, plain and simple. He likes to play the angry victim. On a side note about the kitties: I thought about sending the cats to my sisters house while he is here, I really really am concered for thier little selves. I don't doubt that he may do something to them,when we lay down rules just to hurt us. His Mom and us have opened the line of communication. Her and I did that about 3 years ago, and she usually talks with me. I know she has been doing everything she knows for Jarrod with his probation, court hearings, rehab, all of that. We have discussed the importance of providing a united front, but now I know that unfortunately that united fron has been way tooooo soft. Everyone is so scared he will run. But I am not going to buy that load of garbage anymore. Y'all are right, what do we have to loose anyway? And hopefully someday he will straighten up and remember that we did not enable him by being too dang soft. We have got a lot of work to do. Emm does know what's going on and is aware of all of the stuff he is going through. I only hope that she really knows just how uncool it is, because he has got her confused about that too. I have tried very hard to let her know that Jarrods life is not fun despite how he glamorizes it(which will not be tolerated at all anymore), and that she will end up in Juvy too if she wants to follow his advice. And absolutely no more drug talk! that is something I can't believe I allowed. I did tell him not to glorify it to my daughter, but he loves to tell his stories. NO MORE. You are right on. So here's another question for everyone...since we only get Jarrod for a week next trip, and we will have little communication between now and then, do you think that we should send him a heartfelt but tough email outlining what he is to expect when he comes back? Or do we wait and have him come here, sit him down and risk having him go nuts and ruin Christmas? I mean I honestly don't know. I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops if he gets out of hand. So here's another bombshell that is heavy on my heart. I have had serious fertility issues for years. My husband and I have been spending all sorts of money and my body has been through three surgeries to correct my infertility. We have been dreaming of having a baby together and are in debt up to our eyeballs from everything I've had to go through to try and achieve a pregnancy. So far after three years of trying we have been unable to concieve. After being told by every local Doctor that my only option was to have a hysterectomy and forget about a baby, I finally found a doctor three years ago who gave us hope and did detailed surgeries to correct what other Doctors said couldn't be saved. We jumped through all of the hoops and were given hope I never thought I'd have. Then we found out about Jarrods problems last year I knew then that it would be a bad time to try to bring a baby in. Which broke my heart into a million peices. I already know that I am prone to preterm labor as well as I had it terribly with my daughter, and this nonsense with Jarrod would definaltely not be good for preterm labor. I am 33 now and time is tickin'. But why would I try to bring another baby into this mess? I have been broken hearted over this all month long and holding resentment towards Jarrod for it. I know that's not fair and I feel extremely guilty about it. EXTREMELY. I can't help it. After all I've been through to have a baby, emotionally finacially and phisically. I am ******, and that's the plain and sad truth. I get sad when I see anyone pregnant. I try to be rational and thank God for the one baby I did miraculously carry(Emm) and be greatful for Jarrod. So guess what? I am two weeks late, and will have to have a blood test to determine if I am actually pregnant. I am angry that I feel so sad about finally possibly being pregnant. Sometimes I just don't understand life. I know God has a plan for this family and I am a person of faith. But that doesn't mean that I am not terrified, confused, and angry. This precious thought of a baby is now a scary one. I have feelings of resentment towards Jarrod about this, and I know that is so wrong, I know. So extremely wrong, I am ashamed to say that, but I can't seem to help being angry at his selfishness and what it has cost our family. [/QUOTE]
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