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<blockquote data-quote="dlgallant" data-source="post: 45625" data-attributes="member: 3721"><p>I usually try to defer everything to my husband. It creates an unfairness between the kids, but reduces battles between the step-difficult child's. My husband and I are usually on the same page with setting rules, just miles apart on enforcing them. </p><p></p><p>Often I'm put in a position of trying defend my daughter and myself from being stepped on by my step-sons. For instance once while my daughter and I were getting dinner on the table (the boys never have to help) we came in with the drinks to find the boys plates piled high with every ounce of food on the table. When I told them they had to put some back for the rest of us I received big grins as they told me their dad would let them have it. To that he responded "if my boys want it, they can have it." I tried reasoning to no avail. Later he said he was sorry and made a "mis-step" in parenting. The next weekend the same thing happened again. From then on I fill their plates at the stove and hand them to them.</p><p></p><p>I knew how badly behaved the boys were when I married their father, but I thought I could just stay out of their way as I did when we were dating. This atmosphere hasn't been good for my daughter but, my husband is wonderful to her when his boys aren't around and she is (or was before she ran away) very bonded to him. With her father being so problematic her former counselor thought the love she received from husband out weighed the neg affect his permissive parenting had on her. </p><p></p><p>I just want to have some calm.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dlgallant, post: 45625, member: 3721"] I usually try to defer everything to my husband. It creates an unfairness between the kids, but reduces battles between the step-difficult child's. My husband and I are usually on the same page with setting rules, just miles apart on enforcing them. Often I'm put in a position of trying defend my daughter and myself from being stepped on by my step-sons. For instance once while my daughter and I were getting dinner on the table (the boys never have to help) we came in with the drinks to find the boys plates piled high with every ounce of food on the table. When I told them they had to put some back for the rest of us I received big grins as they told me their dad would let them have it. To that he responded "if my boys want it, they can have it." I tried reasoning to no avail. Later he said he was sorry and made a "mis-step" in parenting. The next weekend the same thing happened again. From then on I fill their plates at the stove and hand them to them. I knew how badly behaved the boys were when I married their father, but I thought I could just stay out of their way as I did when we were dating. This atmosphere hasn't been good for my daughter but, my husband is wonderful to her when his boys aren't around and she is (or was before she ran away) very bonded to him. With her father being so problematic her former counselor thought the love she received from husband out weighed the neg affect his permissive parenting had on her. I just want to have some calm. [/QUOTE]
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