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Step parenting difficult child's
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 45812" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Step parenting a easy child can be difficult. Step parenting a difficult child can be next to impossible. It can be done. BUT you and husband have to be on the same page as far as rules and dicipline goes.</p><p></p><p>I've been on both sides of the fence. Stepkid 3 times over, and also a step parent to husband's daughter by his ex.</p><p></p><p>Fortunately I had my own experiences as a stepkid to draw from on what NOT to do vs what seemed to work for my step parents.</p><p></p><p>I told husband before we got married that stepgfg would follow our house rules or wouldn't be allowed to visit. Once our kids came along step difficult child was set to follow the same standards and rules as her sibs. This meant coming for a visit wasn't a mini vacation. She was rejoining this part of her family for that period of time. It was important to us (me especially) that stepgfg feel like an active member of our family, not just a guest who visited periodically. This meant when she visited she had chores, rules, and such as she'd have at her mothers.</p><p></p><p>This worked. Except at first with dicipline. husband was prone to guilt and going soft on stepgfg. He'd do the Yes after I said No thing, he'd toss out a punishment that had just been given. It wasn't long before stepgfg, 4-6 at the time, caught on and began using it to her advantage. I mean afterall she is a difficult child. lol Then it began affecting our kids behavior.</p><p></p><p>That's when I put my foot down. husband knew I love stepgfg as my own but I told him either he got his act together and parented all of our kids, or stepgfg would have to stop visiting til he could. (by this time stepgfg had turned into a demon child) Unfortunately I had to make good on my threat before he got the idea.</p><p></p><p>Once we got on the same page, husband looking at our family as a whole instead of it's parts, things ran more smoothly. And even stepgfg was happier as were our kids. Of course it didn't put a stop to the gfgness, but it sure did take down the stress level and make it easier to manage.</p><p></p><p>I don't know at what ages the kids were when your family blended, mine was difficult enough with stepgfg being preschool age when we married. But with husband being wishy washy with rules and dicipline and not backing you up he's only making the situation worse.</p><p></p><p>Would he be willing to sit down with you and discuss this? My husband didn't even realize how bad he was at this sort of thing til I pointed it out to him. Do you think he'd be willing to work with you to come up with a plan you both could manage so you can have a united front with the kids and more control of your home environment?</p><p></p><p>It's tough I know. :frown:</p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 45812, member: 84"] Step parenting a easy child can be difficult. Step parenting a difficult child can be next to impossible. It can be done. BUT you and husband have to be on the same page as far as rules and dicipline goes. I've been on both sides of the fence. Stepkid 3 times over, and also a step parent to husband's daughter by his ex. Fortunately I had my own experiences as a stepkid to draw from on what NOT to do vs what seemed to work for my step parents. I told husband before we got married that stepgfg would follow our house rules or wouldn't be allowed to visit. Once our kids came along step difficult child was set to follow the same standards and rules as her sibs. This meant coming for a visit wasn't a mini vacation. She was rejoining this part of her family for that period of time. It was important to us (me especially) that stepgfg feel like an active member of our family, not just a guest who visited periodically. This meant when she visited she had chores, rules, and such as she'd have at her mothers. This worked. Except at first with dicipline. husband was prone to guilt and going soft on stepgfg. He'd do the Yes after I said No thing, he'd toss out a punishment that had just been given. It wasn't long before stepgfg, 4-6 at the time, caught on and began using it to her advantage. I mean afterall she is a difficult child. lol Then it began affecting our kids behavior. That's when I put my foot down. husband knew I love stepgfg as my own but I told him either he got his act together and parented all of our kids, or stepgfg would have to stop visiting til he could. (by this time stepgfg had turned into a demon child) Unfortunately I had to make good on my threat before he got the idea. Once we got on the same page, husband looking at our family as a whole instead of it's parts, things ran more smoothly. And even stepgfg was happier as were our kids. Of course it didn't put a stop to the gfgness, but it sure did take down the stress level and make it easier to manage. I don't know at what ages the kids were when your family blended, mine was difficult enough with stepgfg being preschool age when we married. But with husband being wishy washy with rules and dicipline and not backing you up he's only making the situation worse. Would he be willing to sit down with you and discuss this? My husband didn't even realize how bad he was at this sort of thing til I pointed it out to him. Do you think he'd be willing to work with you to come up with a plan you both could manage so you can have a united front with the kids and more control of your home environment? It's tough I know. [img]:frown:[/img] (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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