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<blockquote data-quote="AmericanGirl" data-source="post: 545517"><p>Thank you all for your many wonderful replies. Know that I am taking them to heart and using many of your ideas.</p><p></p><p>You are right...single parent may be a blessing or a curse...just depends.</p><p></p><p>First...a funny. difficult child called tonight. Very nice. Done what he needed to do. Asks for $10 to get food. Reasonable so I say I'll transfer cash as soon as I hang up. I do. Then I open Facebook. He actually posted, "Tired of getting threatened by my family." I transferred the $10 right back. Sent him text saying "Your transfer is reversed. I don't give money to people who insult me."</p><p></p><p>I have a wonderful guy friend who happens to be in al-anon. We talked a long time tonight. He knows me very well and understands how I think. He also knows difficult child. He gave me a ton of great advice. We have a revised plan of action which I can live with -- however -- darn it, he asked me for several promises regarding my behavior. I promised to turn my cell off every night and not to look at it until I have completed my morning routine. He also thinks I need to set myself a regular bedtime.</p><p></p><p>Here's what my plan is - I'm sharing it because I think some of his ideas were stellar and maybe it might help someone here.</p><p></p><p>1. I'll pay his rent as long as he is allowed to stay in sober house. Long story as to why but basically, he's an immature, 19 year old and may need more time to grow up. If he is there, then he will make progress whether he likes it or not. If he leaves, he's gonna fail. But...not telling him I'm willing to pay rent.</p><p></p><p>2. Pending manager's approval, going to have manager ask difficult child for rent every week. When difficult child says he doesn't have it, then manager can say he will call me. Public embarrassment of having the other guys know "his mommy" is paying again. </p><p></p><p>3. Manager will get extra funds for difficult child's gas, incidentals, etc. Takes me out of the loop. difficult child has to ask him. Manager mentioned the other day he does this for some residents.</p><p></p><p>4. Telling difficult child is you don't have a job by August 10th, then I'm coming to get the car. Don't care what job, where, etc. Not mentioning it again. If he doesn't, then I'll ask manager to get his keys (assuming he gets off restrictions between now and then and is allowed to keep them) and I'll get a friend to go with me. No notice...just drive in, grab the car and go. </p><p></p><p>Anyhow, hope there is something which helps one of you.</p><p></p><p>Side note - about the lavender baths...a friend just went through training to become a certified aromatherapist. She's taught me a lot and even made me customized bath salts and oil blends in tiny vials which I can rub on my temples. Much cheaper to do that than buy commercial stuff. Awesome effects too!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AmericanGirl, post: 545517"] Thank you all for your many wonderful replies. Know that I am taking them to heart and using many of your ideas. You are right...single parent may be a blessing or a curse...just depends. First...a funny. difficult child called tonight. Very nice. Done what he needed to do. Asks for $10 to get food. Reasonable so I say I'll transfer cash as soon as I hang up. I do. Then I open Facebook. He actually posted, "Tired of getting threatened by my family." I transferred the $10 right back. Sent him text saying "Your transfer is reversed. I don't give money to people who insult me." I have a wonderful guy friend who happens to be in al-anon. We talked a long time tonight. He knows me very well and understands how I think. He also knows difficult child. He gave me a ton of great advice. We have a revised plan of action which I can live with -- however -- darn it, he asked me for several promises regarding my behavior. I promised to turn my cell off every night and not to look at it until I have completed my morning routine. He also thinks I need to set myself a regular bedtime. Here's what my plan is - I'm sharing it because I think some of his ideas were stellar and maybe it might help someone here. 1. I'll pay his rent as long as he is allowed to stay in sober house. Long story as to why but basically, he's an immature, 19 year old and may need more time to grow up. If he is there, then he will make progress whether he likes it or not. If he leaves, he's gonna fail. But...not telling him I'm willing to pay rent. 2. Pending manager's approval, going to have manager ask difficult child for rent every week. When difficult child says he doesn't have it, then manager can say he will call me. Public embarrassment of having the other guys know "his mommy" is paying again. 3. Manager will get extra funds for difficult child's gas, incidentals, etc. Takes me out of the loop. difficult child has to ask him. Manager mentioned the other day he does this for some residents. 4. Telling difficult child is you don't have a job by August 10th, then I'm coming to get the car. Don't care what job, where, etc. Not mentioning it again. If he doesn't, then I'll ask manager to get his keys (assuming he gets off restrictions between now and then and is allowed to keep them) and I'll get a friend to go with me. No notice...just drive in, grab the car and go. Anyhow, hope there is something which helps one of you. Side note - about the lavender baths...a friend just went through training to become a certified aromatherapist. She's taught me a lot and even made me customized bath salts and oil blends in tiny vials which I can rub on my temples. Much cheaper to do that than buy commercial stuff. Awesome effects too! [/QUOTE]
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