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Struggling with decisions
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 707593" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Look. It is her life to live not yours. We can only live our own life, which is what you are doing and what she is doing. I believe this is a set up too. The court knows it. The DA knows it. They are not operating in terms of her interest but in the public good. They have assessed that she is not a threat to anybody but herself and the people she hangs with, and they are pretty much living the same rotten lifestyle I would guess.</p><p></p><p>This is for her to work out.</p><p></p><p>You have already addressed the issue of her living with you but I want to restate this: if she lives with you she will continue to hold you responsible. This will hurt her. Her only chance is to recognize that the consequences of her own choices, attitudes, accrue to her. And what happens to her is due to something she does or does not do. The only way she has a chance of learning this is away from you.</p><p>If you take her in you will hurt her not help her.</p><p></p><p>I do not know the terms of probation. If she is on probation is she confined to your County? If she gets the opportunity for college or job training (such as Job Corps, which is wonderful) can she be given the opportunity to leave the County, with the possibility of being supervised in another area?</p><p></p><p>It is very hard for us parents to understand and to accept that our role is much diminished with our children are adults. It is hard for them too. They understand very well that our control is diminished. But they do not get easily that our responsibility, too is curtailed.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter must learn the causal connection between her deeds and consequences, which has not a thing to do with you. Having her in your home only clouds the issue, and will make it harder not easier to do what she must. Please try to understand this. You will hurt your daughter if you take her in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 707593, member: 18958"] Look. It is her life to live not yours. We can only live our own life, which is what you are doing and what she is doing. I believe this is a set up too. The court knows it. The DA knows it. They are not operating in terms of her interest but in the public good. They have assessed that she is not a threat to anybody but herself and the people she hangs with, and they are pretty much living the same rotten lifestyle I would guess. This is for her to work out. You have already addressed the issue of her living with you but I want to restate this: if she lives with you she will continue to hold you responsible. This will hurt her. Her only chance is to recognize that the consequences of her own choices, attitudes, accrue to her. And what happens to her is due to something she does or does not do. The only way she has a chance of learning this is away from you. If you take her in you will hurt her not help her. I do not know the terms of probation. If she is on probation is she confined to your County? If she gets the opportunity for college or job training (such as Job Corps, which is wonderful) can she be given the opportunity to leave the County, with the possibility of being supervised in another area? It is very hard for us parents to understand and to accept that our role is much diminished with our children are adults. It is hard for them too. They understand very well that our control is diminished. But they do not get easily that our responsibility, too is curtailed. Your daughter must learn the causal connection between her deeds and consequences, which has not a thing to do with you. Having her in your home only clouds the issue, and will make it harder not easier to do what she must. Please try to understand this. You will hurt your daughter if you take her in. [/QUOTE]
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