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General Parenting
Stuck in the middle again - vent
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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 118731" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>You're stuck between a rock & a hard place. And having said that, your difficult child will have to learn to deal with anger of any kind, from anyone. Even an adult male. Especially an adult male. </p><p></p><p>I'd rather see her "learn" to handle issues of anger with an adult male caregiver who cares about your difficult child rather than a stranger or some other man that just loses for some reason or another.</p><p></p><p>kt had been abused in bio home - can't/won't go into details, however, it's taken her almost 7 years to accept my husband as "papa" "daddy". kt almost dictated the type of relationship she was going to have with husband; that had to stop. For husband's sake & mostly for kt's.</p><p></p><p>We have spent years in therapy teaching kt that she is a survivor; that she can & will have to deal with anger from males in her life; from daddy to brother to teachers to boyfriends. And that the men who love her, while they may express their anger - are not going to hurt her again. That includes words. </p><p></p><p>husband now yells at kt when he is frustrated - kt yells right back (wrongfully in most cases, but she is going to stand up for herself). Neither is afraid to express their feelings.</p><p></p><p>What I'm rambling about to say is that your difficult child is going to have to learn to deal with anger, with frustration, etc, especially from men. The men in this world won't know or aren't going to stop to take into consideration your GsFGs abuses in the past. In most cases, the abuse is a non issue.</p><p></p><p>I'd start teaching your difficult child about being a survivor. How strong she is & to appropriately express her feelings. If she has feelings of anger in regard to abuse she must express those feelings in a safe loving environment. She must also learn to express those feelings of anger at the right people. Your nor your SO hurt your difficult child. Hand her a pillow that is for those feelings & let her yell or beat the heck out of it.</p><p></p><p>Just some thoughts for you - this is an extremely hard situation for you, your difficult child & your SO to be in. Your daughter needs to feel loved & protected by you. Your SO is apparently a big part of your life. I don't think you have to choose between the 2 of them unless SO is abusive in any way.</p><p></p><p>Good luck & keep us updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 118731, member: 393"] You're stuck between a rock & a hard place. And having said that, your difficult child will have to learn to deal with anger of any kind, from anyone. Even an adult male. Especially an adult male. I'd rather see her "learn" to handle issues of anger with an adult male caregiver who cares about your difficult child rather than a stranger or some other man that just loses for some reason or another. kt had been abused in bio home - can't/won't go into details, however, it's taken her almost 7 years to accept my husband as "papa" "daddy". kt almost dictated the type of relationship she was going to have with husband; that had to stop. For husband's sake & mostly for kt's. We have spent years in therapy teaching kt that she is a survivor; that she can & will have to deal with anger from males in her life; from daddy to brother to teachers to boyfriends. And that the men who love her, while they may express their anger - are not going to hurt her again. That includes words. husband now yells at kt when he is frustrated - kt yells right back (wrongfully in most cases, but she is going to stand up for herself). Neither is afraid to express their feelings. What I'm rambling about to say is that your difficult child is going to have to learn to deal with anger, with frustration, etc, especially from men. The men in this world won't know or aren't going to stop to take into consideration your GsFGs abuses in the past. In most cases, the abuse is a non issue. I'd start teaching your difficult child about being a survivor. How strong she is & to appropriately express her feelings. If she has feelings of anger in regard to abuse she must express those feelings in a safe loving environment. She must also learn to express those feelings of anger at the right people. Your nor your SO hurt your difficult child. Hand her a pillow that is for those feelings & let her yell or beat the heck out of it. Just some thoughts for you - this is an extremely hard situation for you, your difficult child & your SO to be in. Your daughter needs to feel loved & protected by you. Your SO is apparently a big part of your life. I don't think you have to choose between the 2 of them unless SO is abusive in any way. Good luck & keep us updated. [/QUOTE]
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