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Stuck in the middle again - vent
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 118859" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dara, </p><p></p><p>I am once divorced and share a house with DF. My son was harmed also. I did everything to shelter him from the world, and when I met DF - and he was floored by the behavior of difficult child - and tried to correct him, I would always jump in and defend my son. I would continue to do this for years until it was brought to my attention in therapy that while I am Mom and I felt that when my son was kidnapped by bio dad and harmed - I couldn't be there to protect him and the fact that difficult child would say things when very angry like "You didn't protect me you weren't there." it made me dig my heels in all the more - and vow to not let ANYONE 'mistreat' him. This included teachers, ministers, doctors - you name it. He was DAMAGED couldn't anyone SEE that? </p><p></p><p>The sad thing is the more I did what I did - the less and less life lessons he got. The less life lessons he got - the worse his behavior became until I finally had it one day and said "WHat is WRONG with this kid and the doctor said - YOU. " Hard pill to swallow - but he was right. I kept on doing what felt right - instead of what was right. </p><p></p><p>We're past the point in our lives (me and my son) where we had the talk about how I did the best I could to protect him and that there are people in the world that are sick - and even though it was my x that did these horrible things - I had to let him go live - and possibly be hurt again. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. (My vise was Chocolate Almond and Tequila) and somehow we got through it. </p><p></p><p>I will never forget what was done - but I had to find a way to forgive. I couldn't more forward in life till I did. And to this day I couldn't tell you for certain what I would do if I was confronted by my x - but I'm working on it. </p><p></p><p>Sadly - the world has to get to know your kid so it can teach her valuable lessons and help shape her life - and it has to do that with minimal protection from you. This includes your husband. I don't think he would say things to hurt her - but she has got to understand that you and him are the PARENTS and you are UNITED. And a word to the wise - when you DO make this adjustment in your house - plan on about 6 months of total uprising from your daughter - she's not going to like it -and resist the urge to engage her in a word battle like "YOu love him more than me, you care about him more, I don't count, you never take my side, You hate me, I hate you both." It's just anger leaving the body of a child who is no longer getting her way. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>MANY MANY BIG HUGS - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 118859, member: 4964"] Dara, I am once divorced and share a house with DF. My son was harmed also. I did everything to shelter him from the world, and when I met DF - and he was floored by the behavior of difficult child - and tried to correct him, I would always jump in and defend my son. I would continue to do this for years until it was brought to my attention in therapy that while I am Mom and I felt that when my son was kidnapped by bio dad and harmed - I couldn't be there to protect him and the fact that difficult child would say things when very angry like "You didn't protect me you weren't there." it made me dig my heels in all the more - and vow to not let ANYONE 'mistreat' him. This included teachers, ministers, doctors - you name it. He was DAMAGED couldn't anyone SEE that? The sad thing is the more I did what I did - the less and less life lessons he got. The less life lessons he got - the worse his behavior became until I finally had it one day and said "WHat is WRONG with this kid and the doctor said - YOU. " Hard pill to swallow - but he was right. I kept on doing what felt right - instead of what was right. We're past the point in our lives (me and my son) where we had the talk about how I did the best I could to protect him and that there are people in the world that are sick - and even though it was my x that did these horrible things - I had to let him go live - and possibly be hurt again. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. (My vise was Chocolate Almond and Tequila) and somehow we got through it. I will never forget what was done - but I had to find a way to forgive. I couldn't more forward in life till I did. And to this day I couldn't tell you for certain what I would do if I was confronted by my x - but I'm working on it. Sadly - the world has to get to know your kid so it can teach her valuable lessons and help shape her life - and it has to do that with minimal protection from you. This includes your husband. I don't think he would say things to hurt her - but she has got to understand that you and him are the PARENTS and you are UNITED. And a word to the wise - when you DO make this adjustment in your house - plan on about 6 months of total uprising from your daughter - she's not going to like it -and resist the urge to engage her in a word battle like "YOu love him more than me, you care about him more, I don't count, you never take my side, You hate me, I hate you both." It's just anger leaving the body of a child who is no longer getting her way. MANY MANY BIG HUGS - Star [/QUOTE]
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