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Support or Advice, I just need help. PLEASE!!
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<blockquote data-quote="PinkBanana" data-source="post: 618812" data-attributes="member: 17633"><p>Unfortunately the verdict is out on whether there was drug or alcohol use during her pregnancy. I have always suspected this. My husband does not think that there was. They were teenagers when she became pregnant, her parents kicked her out and my husbands parents took her in. They had not previously been in a relationship. Her mother has told me that she was an extremely difficult child/teenager as well. She had been placed in a couple of rehabs by her parents, so use during pregnancy is highly likely. </p><p></p><p>My husband's and her relationship was very chaotic. They attempted to be together until she finally left when my son was 3. My husband worked long hours to support them, she was always more concerned with herself than with her child. Apparently by age 3 months, she lost interest in really being a mom. If my husband and/or family members were not around, my son had to fin for himself. The two of them fought constantly and had a very unhealthy relationship. </p><p></p><p>There weren't any men in and out of her life, as far as we know. My husband has had our son since the day he was born. His uncle is and was a very significant part of his life, but no chance of abuse from him. My son has made sexual abuse allegations against his aunt, he says he was 7 or 8, which would have made her about 12 or 13 at the time. I do not want to be one of those parents who does not believe their children when the say somebody has hurt them. It is very difficult to know what is real when it comes out of my sons mouth. We have been investigated 3 times by the child protection agency based on false accusations my son has made against us. This incident has been attempted at addressing several times by myself and his therapist, but he refuses to talk about it and will not give any details of what might have happened.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your support. We have been contemplating out of home care. It's such a difficult decision to make. I want to help him, I want him to get better. I could not imagine what it feels like to be him, or to understand what goes on inside his head, his feelings, emotions. All of these years of negative behavior from him has led to so much negative attention, it seems like its the only kind he seeks. I know he must want good things for himself, but just doesn't know how to go about it. He seems to know right from wrong when it applies to other people, just not himself, or maybe he does and he just doesn't care. He identifies inappropriate behavior in other people and seems to understand common courtesy, however he refuses to identify any of this with himself or think that he should treat people with decent common courtesy. He has a twisted way of thinking about things. For example he blames me for not having many friends, because I want to know who his friends are, where he is going to be, what they will be doing. If he is going to stay the night at a friends house I want to speak to parents. If he is wanting to hang out at a girls house, I again want to speak to parents to ensure there will be adult supervision as well as to make sure the girls parents are aware he will be there. In his eyes, this is unacceptable behavior on my part. </p><p></p><p>When I find rotten food and food wrappers or dirty dishes hidden in his room, he accuses me of planting these items in his room. When he breaks things of his own, he thinks his father and I are obligated to replace it, because it is never his fault that he broke it. When I witness him behaving inappropriately, he still argues that it wasn't him, he did nothing wrong, my eyes are playing tricks on me. If I praise him for doing something right or doing a good job on something, he somehow turns that into a fight. Before we know it what was good has been lost. I can barely ask him what he wants on a sandwich without him being completely rude and hateful to me. </p><p></p><p>Anyways, I love him and that is why this decision is so difficult. I want us all to be safe, healthy and together, I just cannot seem to make this happen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PinkBanana, post: 618812, member: 17633"] Unfortunately the verdict is out on whether there was drug or alcohol use during her pregnancy. I have always suspected this. My husband does not think that there was. They were teenagers when she became pregnant, her parents kicked her out and my husbands parents took her in. They had not previously been in a relationship. Her mother has told me that she was an extremely difficult child/teenager as well. She had been placed in a couple of rehabs by her parents, so use during pregnancy is highly likely. My husband's and her relationship was very chaotic. They attempted to be together until she finally left when my son was 3. My husband worked long hours to support them, she was always more concerned with herself than with her child. Apparently by age 3 months, she lost interest in really being a mom. If my husband and/or family members were not around, my son had to fin for himself. The two of them fought constantly and had a very unhealthy relationship. There weren't any men in and out of her life, as far as we know. My husband has had our son since the day he was born. His uncle is and was a very significant part of his life, but no chance of abuse from him. My son has made sexual abuse allegations against his aunt, he says he was 7 or 8, which would have made her about 12 or 13 at the time. I do not want to be one of those parents who does not believe their children when the say somebody has hurt them. It is very difficult to know what is real when it comes out of my sons mouth. We have been investigated 3 times by the child protection agency based on false accusations my son has made against us. This incident has been attempted at addressing several times by myself and his therapist, but he refuses to talk about it and will not give any details of what might have happened. Thank you for your support. We have been contemplating out of home care. It's such a difficult decision to make. I want to help him, I want him to get better. I could not imagine what it feels like to be him, or to understand what goes on inside his head, his feelings, emotions. All of these years of negative behavior from him has led to so much negative attention, it seems like its the only kind he seeks. I know he must want good things for himself, but just doesn't know how to go about it. He seems to know right from wrong when it applies to other people, just not himself, or maybe he does and he just doesn't care. He identifies inappropriate behavior in other people and seems to understand common courtesy, however he refuses to identify any of this with himself or think that he should treat people with decent common courtesy. He has a twisted way of thinking about things. For example he blames me for not having many friends, because I want to know who his friends are, where he is going to be, what they will be doing. If he is going to stay the night at a friends house I want to speak to parents. If he is wanting to hang out at a girls house, I again want to speak to parents to ensure there will be adult supervision as well as to make sure the girls parents are aware he will be there. In his eyes, this is unacceptable behavior on my part. When I find rotten food and food wrappers or dirty dishes hidden in his room, he accuses me of planting these items in his room. When he breaks things of his own, he thinks his father and I are obligated to replace it, because it is never his fault that he broke it. When I witness him behaving inappropriately, he still argues that it wasn't him, he did nothing wrong, my eyes are playing tricks on me. If I praise him for doing something right or doing a good job on something, he somehow turns that into a fight. Before we know it what was good has been lost. I can barely ask him what he wants on a sandwich without him being completely rude and hateful to me. Anyways, I love him and that is why this decision is so difficult. I want us all to be safe, healthy and together, I just cannot seem to make this happen. [/QUOTE]
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