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Support or Advice, I just need help. PLEASE!!
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<blockquote data-quote="PinkBanana" data-source="post: 618900" data-attributes="member: 17633"><p>Nancy,</p><p></p><p>I know what you mean, I feel as though you have surely walked in my shoes. I am sincerely sorry you have had to live through this. I really did think we were alone in having a child who behaved these ways. Until joining this forum, I have never met anybody who has experienced what I have. I have not found a doctor or therapist who has experience dealing with my sons unique behaviors.</p><p></p><p>I too have to keep things under lock & key. I will be taking your advice on the peanut butter, bread, apples & bananas. Both my bedroom and my younger sons rooms have locks. If we are not home we lock our doors. However, my older son has figured out how to break into our bedrooms. We live in apartments so we cannot install deadlocks, instead we have to set up traps to at least know that he has broken into our rooms, so we can then figure out why. He thinks it is acceptable to break into our rooms as long as there is something he wants that is in there.</p><p></p><p>My son has attempted to eat frozen food from our deep freezer. It now must be locked up too.</p><p></p><p>This time when we "overhauled" his bedroom, we did many of the things you had done. We made him help rip up the carpet. We then had to remove all of the adhesive, his carpet was squares laid down atop the concrete floor around his waterbed. The entire basement is polished concrete floor (his room is in the basement). We are allowed to put carpet down as long as we remove it when we leave. Anyways his bedroom is back to a concrete floor. We got rid of his dresser for several reasons. 1) From all of his urinating on the carpet, it had started to warp his dresser. 2) Even if I put his clothes away, he would pull them all out and throw them all over the floor. If its not being used for clothes why have it. 3) He used his drawers to hide things which did not belong to him or belong in his bedroom. There was egg shells, ranch dressing bottles, chip bags, pudding cups, seasonings, movies, my CDs, his brother hand held games, etc, etc, etc. We let him keep his night stand containing 2 drawers for socks and underwear. We put a small hanging cubby thing in his closet. One cubby fits a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. We got rid of toys and other types of things a long time ago, rather we no longer allowed these things to be in his bedroom. So he has what he is required to have, but not much extra.</p><p></p><p>I like your visitation idea! Each day he would have to earn privileges based on good behavior. This could potentially reinforce positive things. Rather than simply taking things away for inappropriate behavior and requiring him to earn things back slowly. He would essentially start each day with a clean slate. I can see him not being too happy about this in the beginning, however in time I think it might help. It surely could not hurt.</p><p></p><p>I think our current hesitation with out of home placement and the 24/7 treatment that I know he needs, is that I do not think our insurance will cover any of it again. The next step is to sign over our parental rights to social services. That is a difficult thing to do in and of its self. Then I worry, what if they just put him in foster care, that is not the type of treatment he needs. Simply placing him in another families home is not the answer. I want him to get help, to get better, to have a chance at a future. I also worry that he will hate us or resent us. I do not want him to feel as though we are abandoning him too.</p><p></p><p>I meet with our care coordinator from the wrap around services at our local NE Human Social Service center on Monday to discuss our options. She has been amazing and has worked with us for about 3 years now. She meets with my son several times a month. This gives him a break from us and us a break from him. They go bowling, put in time at the food pantry, at Christmas and Thanksgiving he helps her deliver turkeys to families in need. She is in the process of setting up a mentor for him to encourage positive behavior and thoughts of his future. She also attends school IEP meetings with me to make sure the proper things are being addressed and put into place for him at school. Having a care coordinator is something I highly suggest for any parent in our situation. Her services are completely free.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for sharing your story with me. I have now written yet another novel on this forum post, but doing this has eased my heart!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PinkBanana, post: 618900, member: 17633"] Nancy, I know what you mean, I feel as though you have surely walked in my shoes. I am sincerely sorry you have had to live through this. I really did think we were alone in having a child who behaved these ways. Until joining this forum, I have never met anybody who has experienced what I have. I have not found a doctor or therapist who has experience dealing with my sons unique behaviors. I too have to keep things under lock & key. I will be taking your advice on the peanut butter, bread, apples & bananas. Both my bedroom and my younger sons rooms have locks. If we are not home we lock our doors. However, my older son has figured out how to break into our bedrooms. We live in apartments so we cannot install deadlocks, instead we have to set up traps to at least know that he has broken into our rooms, so we can then figure out why. He thinks it is acceptable to break into our rooms as long as there is something he wants that is in there. My son has attempted to eat frozen food from our deep freezer. It now must be locked up too. This time when we "overhauled" his bedroom, we did many of the things you had done. We made him help rip up the carpet. We then had to remove all of the adhesive, his carpet was squares laid down atop the concrete floor around his waterbed. The entire basement is polished concrete floor (his room is in the basement). We are allowed to put carpet down as long as we remove it when we leave. Anyways his bedroom is back to a concrete floor. We got rid of his dresser for several reasons. 1) From all of his urinating on the carpet, it had started to warp his dresser. 2) Even if I put his clothes away, he would pull them all out and throw them all over the floor. If its not being used for clothes why have it. 3) He used his drawers to hide things which did not belong to him or belong in his bedroom. There was egg shells, ranch dressing bottles, chip bags, pudding cups, seasonings, movies, my CDs, his brother hand held games, etc, etc, etc. We let him keep his night stand containing 2 drawers for socks and underwear. We put a small hanging cubby thing in his closet. One cubby fits a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. We got rid of toys and other types of things a long time ago, rather we no longer allowed these things to be in his bedroom. So he has what he is required to have, but not much extra. I like your visitation idea! Each day he would have to earn privileges based on good behavior. This could potentially reinforce positive things. Rather than simply taking things away for inappropriate behavior and requiring him to earn things back slowly. He would essentially start each day with a clean slate. I can see him not being too happy about this in the beginning, however in time I think it might help. It surely could not hurt. I think our current hesitation with out of home placement and the 24/7 treatment that I know he needs, is that I do not think our insurance will cover any of it again. The next step is to sign over our parental rights to social services. That is a difficult thing to do in and of its self. Then I worry, what if they just put him in foster care, that is not the type of treatment he needs. Simply placing him in another families home is not the answer. I want him to get help, to get better, to have a chance at a future. I also worry that he will hate us or resent us. I do not want him to feel as though we are abandoning him too. I meet with our care coordinator from the wrap around services at our local NE Human Social Service center on Monday to discuss our options. She has been amazing and has worked with us for about 3 years now. She meets with my son several times a month. This gives him a break from us and us a break from him. They go bowling, put in time at the food pantry, at Christmas and Thanksgiving he helps her deliver turkeys to families in need. She is in the process of setting up a mentor for him to encourage positive behavior and thoughts of his future. She also attends school IEP meetings with me to make sure the proper things are being addressed and put into place for him at school. Having a care coordinator is something I highly suggest for any parent in our situation. Her services are completely free. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I have now written yet another novel on this forum post, but doing this has eased my heart! [/QUOTE]
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