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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630428" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Pas, what a phone call to get. I HATE those phone calls and there is no way on the earth to be prepared for them. </p><p></p><p>Remember, feelings are just fine, but feelings aren't facts (famous Al-Anon slogan) and you don't need to act on our feelings. Most of us did that for a very long time and now we are working to learn how NOT to do that.</p><p></p><p>You feel it for sure. But you don't respond from that feeling. You buy some time and create some space and get some distance and then you think about what you want to do, not feel what you want to do.</p><p></p><p>So....like you said, did he lose his job or something? What is their deal? </p><p></p><p>People that age can't live with people our age. It just doesn't work. And especially if they are difficult children. </p><p></p><p>One thing I think I have learned here on this site is that my home needs to be my sanctuary. I can't have out of control active addicts in my home any more. been there done that, I don't like it. At all.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like he and the new girlfriend are not a good combo. And it is likely that they'll split up now that this is happening. Hopefully.</p><p></p><p>I would hang tight. I wouldn't do anything. </p><p></p><p>If he calls back, write down some possible responses and have them by the phone, like:</p><p></p><p>"Gosh, that sounds tough."</p><p></p><p>"I'm sorry you are in this situation."</p><p></p><p>"What are you planning to do?"</p><p></p><p>"I am sure you can figure this out."</p><p></p><p>"I wish you all the best, and hope things work out like you want them to."</p><p></p><p>"Yes, sounds like you are going to have some tough decisions to make."</p><p></p><p>"I love you."</p><p></p><p>You clearly stated above that you can't have 4 difficult children in your home. Well, Pas, I can't have even one. So you sure can't have 4, without going completely nuts.</p><p></p><p>Hang tight. Let time take its time. Work on YOU today, on your peace and serenity and new ways of thinking. Get to a meeting, read this site, read some Al-Anon literature. Meditate, take a nap, get some flowers, eat some ice cream.</p><p></p><p>Take care of YOU. Be kind to YOU. You deserve good things today. Make them happen for yourself. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting and keep us updated. We are here for you, no matter what you decide to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630428, member: 17542"] Oh Pas, what a phone call to get. I HATE those phone calls and there is no way on the earth to be prepared for them. Remember, feelings are just fine, but feelings aren't facts (famous Al-Anon slogan) and you don't need to act on our feelings. Most of us did that for a very long time and now we are working to learn how NOT to do that. You feel it for sure. But you don't respond from that feeling. You buy some time and create some space and get some distance and then you think about what you want to do, not feel what you want to do. So....like you said, did he lose his job or something? What is their deal? People that age can't live with people our age. It just doesn't work. And especially if they are difficult children. One thing I think I have learned here on this site is that my home needs to be my sanctuary. I can't have out of control active addicts in my home any more. been there done that, I don't like it. At all. It sounds like he and the new girlfriend are not a good combo. And it is likely that they'll split up now that this is happening. Hopefully. I would hang tight. I wouldn't do anything. If he calls back, write down some possible responses and have them by the phone, like: "Gosh, that sounds tough." "I'm sorry you are in this situation." "What are you planning to do?" "I am sure you can figure this out." "I wish you all the best, and hope things work out like you want them to." "Yes, sounds like you are going to have some tough decisions to make." "I love you." You clearly stated above that you can't have 4 difficult children in your home. Well, Pas, I can't have even one. So you sure can't have 4, without going completely nuts. Hang tight. Let time take its time. Work on YOU today, on your peace and serenity and new ways of thinking. Get to a meeting, read this site, read some Al-Anon literature. Meditate, take a nap, get some flowers, eat some ice cream. Take care of YOU. Be kind to YOU. You deserve good things today. Make them happen for yourself. Keep posting and keep us updated. We are here for you, no matter what you decide to do. [/QUOTE]
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