Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Nov 3, 2009.
I've been so self-absorbed lately that I haven't even asked. Sorry. DDD
Not a problem, D3. You've been quitting smoking. That would occupy my mind, too.
Rob is depressed.
He got the okay from the neuro to go back to work but he still has double vision so the ophthalmologist can't release him. His employer doesn't want to risk having him on a roof (thank goodness) but that also means that his income is severely limited. Last week he got 2 days "shop work". He's going to try to get unemployment for the 3 days' work he didn't get. We'll see if it gets approved.
His memory, both long term and short term, is dreadful.
To complicate matters, Heather was *released* from her job at Target because she "isn't Target material." What the heck does that mean??? I have a sneaking suspicion that they found out she was pregnant and used that as an excuse to let her go. Impossible to prove, unfortunately.
She has since gotten a 20 hour a week job but they are poor, poor, poor again.
I figured my best bet to cheer them up was food. I've already paid for them to participate in the Angel Ministries program for six months that Lisa (I think) posted about in Watercooler. In addition, on Saturday I spent several hours cooking various dishes and packaged them up in freezer containers so they could eat them when they wanted. Meat loaf (my recipe), twice baked potatoes, baked spaghetti, white chicken chili. Rob was so excited to get my meat loaf that it brought a tear to my eye.
After all of those years of not appreciating anything, it's just wonderful that he appreciates everything now. If anyone needs proof that letting their difficult child hit bottom might help, Rob is a perfect example.
It's very difficult to not write a check that I can ill afford to help them out. I did pay for him to go back to the eye doctor this week for more testing. We'll see how that turns out.
I saw pics of my new grandbaby-to-be. He/she is still too young to be able to determine the sex but OMG I saw the head and hands and OMG it blew my mind (remember, I've not carried a baby myself). Hopefully, I'll be able to go with Heather to a doctor appointment in November. We'll see. She is so tiny that she's just starting to have a tiny *pooch* of a tummy. I gave her some tops that she can use as maternity tops and she seemed to like them. She is a sweetheart.
If you can hold out a good thought for these young people, I'd sure appreciate it. They are trying to do the right thing. That means everything.
Oh wow Suz, I didn't know they were expecting. I'm sorry that Rob's recovery is going so slowly and what a worry now that Heather was let go. Target has some strange requirements for their employees. I know both my easy child and difficult child filled out an application which consisted of many questions that they had no idea how to answer and obviously neither of them met their requirements.
It must feel so good to finally be appreciated. I think makig food is one of the nicest things anyone can do for someone.
Love the name MimiSuz.
Thanks, Nancy. Here's the post where I mentioned being a Mimi. http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28175
I'm glad to hear that even your easy child wasn't considered "Target Material." sheesh- if your easy child doesn't qualify, what on earth IS Target Material??? This will make Heather feel better, that's for sure.
About the double vision........ Could Rob ask the neuro if he knows someone who does the computerized test that checks the optic nerves for damage? If neuro does....or even the opthalomologist......it would be a good idea to get it checked out.
We were told for years it was impossible for Travis to have double vision. Until we had that test done and it showed he has an awful lot of damage to his optic nerves. Travis has had double vision since he was six. Some how he's managed to adjust to it. But I dunno how.....if it were me I know I'd have a hard time.
I'm sorry the kids are having such a rough time of things. Remind Heather that she can get WIC as well. Their income levels are pretty high (higher than most people believe) and will keep them in supply of milk (expensive now) eggs, cheese, peanut butter, cereal and juice.......and once the baby comes they'll foot the bill for formula cereal and juice for the baby too.
WIC is one of very few plans that I endorse completely. It has saved so many Moms and babies from nutritional shortcomings. Great idea.
Sorry about Rob. It is such a long unpredictable recovery road. There are
Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) support groups in many communities where families share resources and
concerns. Also there are attorneys who specialize in disability applications
on a contingency basis. easy child/difficult child had a neuropsychologist exam that indicated that due to his short and long term memory etc. he would not be likely to hold a responsible position. Although the government guidelines are universal the decision making varies. Also, Rob would be eligible for Voc/Rehab services going thru the Traumatic Brain Injury organizations who accompany applicants when they apply.
I'll keep my fingers crossed that things get better. Hugs. DDD
Congrats, Suz! Er, I mean Mimi
Target material? Wow, that's amazing. You should see some of the people who qualify as Target material here where I live! Do they think they're Disneyland or something? (They have a rep for being VERY particular about their hires).
I am glad to hear that Rob is at least better in some respects. The part you wrote about him appreciating your gift brought a tear to my eyes too. I know you have been through H and back with him. You're an excellent Mom. I'm just glad he got a 2nd or 3rd chance to appreciate you. The baby? I feel you are having a little granddaughter. Just a guess mind you - but I think it's a girl. Either way it will be loved very much.
I think for doing the right thing both Rob and Heather will be taken care of. It's just tough right now, but it's going to make them appreciate everything even more. I will continue to keep everyone in the best of thoughts and prayers.
Thanks so much for the ideas and support. It means a lot. I hope "she was the best bobblehead in the world" goes on my tombstone because I am perfecting the art. sigh.
Lisa, thanks for your suggestions. As it happens, my ex was in charge of developing the IT program for PA WIC and the State workers called him "Mr. WIC" so he's done a good job keeping Rob and Heather fully informed about what's available. Ex's new wife is very knowledgable about adult programs (she has a difficult child niece) so she's been helpful there, too.
If his recovery continues to be slow, I'll look into some of what you suggested, D3. It's a maelstrom, that's for sure.
GCV and Star...thanks for your good wishes. There can never be enough of those, that's for sure.
Just wanted to send hugs. I am so sorry things are so rough, but as you said, you can see the good, and that Rob is able to finally be grateful. That is huge.
My boss just got a job as a manager for Target, and they are unbelievably rigid. My guess is that "not being Target material" really means "layoff". So sorry. It must be really hard on her & Rob.
If you are in an "at will" state, not being "material" or not being a "good fit" is more than they have to tell you,
However, that likely doesn't constitute a "for cause" firing. Have her get with unemployment as soon as she can. She might be eligible for the difference between what she was making before and what she is making now (or a portion thereof)
Steely, thanks for the definition of "Target Material." I expect you are right. Heather will appreciate hearing it from a source not related to her! I appreciate your hugs.
GN- what a great idea about unemployment! PA is an "at will" state. I don't know if it's possible but I'll certainly suggest it to Heather.
Suz, I don't know what your state's laws are on unemployment, but in both IL and WI many years ago, I was able to draw unemployment on the difference between current wage and previous wage.
Both are 'at will' states. In one case I "wasn't a good fit". In the other case I got hit with a RIF (reduction in force, e.g. layoff) and didn't have the seniority to hang onto my job.
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