Swearing help....

Discussion in 'Early Childhood Archives' started by Andrea Danielle, Jun 29, 2006.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    My difficult child doesn't know the swear words YET, but she can go on and on for up to an hour about how much she wants to kill me, how dumb I am and basically saying horrible things that tear a parents heart out. We tried a lot of the suggestions on here as well and I aggree with the ignoring them and a lot of what TRL says. We don't have cable anymore as well and I think that helps also.

    I started ignoring her when she goes into her fits, I ask her to please leave the room because she is upsetting me and her sister and if she wont then we leave the room.
    If we are in public I remove her from the scene and let her breakdown in the car. I have had to let her thrash the car while her sister and I sat on the bumper and waited...
    My husband works out of town most of the time so I have had to figure these things out through trial and error.

    After her explosion and screaming fit we have a little metal bank that she blows all of her bad feelings into and we talk about it and she feels really bad usually. By her blowing out the "angries, frustrations and sadness" she hopes that she will have more room for happy feelings. I let her pick the purple bank that she uses and she loves it.

    After doing this a few times, now sometimes when I see her starting to build up some of her anger and frustration I can curb it before it starts and I say " hey can we go try and blow out some of these feeling you are having?" Then we usually have to lay together for awhile and decompress I have little workbooks for her to work on new her bed. As well as a "Mrs. Feelings" Box next to her bed with a bunch of relaxing little things to work on and look at. Crayons, books, photos, cars, dolls special things only in the box.
    It doesn't always work but it has helped, especiallt when I am by myself.
    I think your son is 4 so they are close in age my daughter is 5.

    The babysitter thing is a whole other nightmare hang in there!!!
    good luck
     
  2. MissVic

    MissVic New Member

    Wow, Andrea! What a saga!
    I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at the "bagina" story! My Owen LOVES teenage girls so I could completely imagine this being one of MY stories!

    We have a huge problem with potty mouth at our house right now too and this thread has been immmensely helpful! I think the neutral reaction will definitely work, as Owen LOVES a reaction, negative or not.

    I think we're going to start using charts also, as he is very motivated by treats.

    This board is a godsend!

    Vicki
     
  3. Andrea Danielle

    Andrea Danielle New Member

    Thanks everyone. This is a saga! Trying to keep him from learning new bad words, I can't shelter him from it (especially with horrible nannies in the picture) but every time he learns a new one it is agony. It is so hard to hear my little boy say these words. I am starting to put marbles in a jar for not saying bad words. I will let you know how it goes.
    He is also constantly saying that we are not the boss of him, that no one is his boss. I have tried to explain that we are his boss while he is living with us and until he is an adult but he screams his head off when he dispute that he is the boss. He says he wants to live on the street!
    I have been doing a lot of this lately, to relax... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cheers.gif
     
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I would have been livid!!! What did the agency have to say when you called to report this to them?

    I think we'll archive this thread since the problem seems to be so prevalent.
     
  5. Andrea Danielle

    Andrea Danielle New Member

    Hi, an update on the swearing... I had heard a lot of good advice here and have been experimenting. Then our social worker suggested just completely ignoring it especially right now because he is going through so much anxiety with his new school and mean words are just pouring out of his mouth at me and my husband. She was saying to not even acknowledge it at all and to just really focus on what he is doing well. I was shocked at the thought of doing this because it seems to strange but I tried it last night and wow, it actually worked. Here is the scene, we were making cookies, and he was on one of his rampages, it starts off the same, he begins with calling me mild things like, idiot, stupid, bum. Normally I would get angry with him, send him to his room, take away a priveledge and then it all escalates from there. So, this time, I let him just go and I pretended that I wasn't even hearing it. He got more and more adamant about it, it got louder and the words became worse and worse. He was desperate to make me mad. I really calmly said, "you are doing a good job stirring up the cookie dough". It was really funny actually to see how frustrated he got but eventually he turned his focus back to the cookies and we moved on. It started up again at bedtime and I heard every bad word that he had but I was able to keep myself calm and he moved on. We had a loving story in the end and he said that he loves me, even when he calls me :censored2:, and idiot and says he hates me, he actually really loves me. I am going to keep trying this approach, so are my husband and easy child. We had a good laugh when I told them both about the evening I had with difficult child and how angry he was when he didn't get a reaction. At least I am feeling calm about everything and I feel like I have disarmed him - for now.

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/war_mom.gif
     
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    The only thing that ever worked with my difficult child was not to make a big deal of it. If he had any inkling that he was getting to me by his mouthy behavior back then he would just keep on doing it and often raise the level to drive home the point that *he* was in control of how *I* responded to him. It was funny watching him because when he couldn't get our attention he make sure to do it louder and more noticable, sometimes even deliberatly standing right in front of me to block me from getting away.

    Good for you for taking the wind right out of his sails. This is usually the first step to making progress with a stubborn difficult child. If this works and the behavior trails off and/or discontinues, be on the alert because they will often test it again and it's easy to fall back into old habits.
     
  7. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Andrea, is the ignoring tactic still working?
     
  8. Andrea Danielle

    Andrea Danielle New Member

    Thanks for thinking of me SRL. It works in that I don't drive myself nuts with trying to find a consequence for every name he calls me. I am able to stay calm so that is good. It isn't stopping the words though. At school of course he isn't allowed to say these things, so I am worried it might be confusing him that we are ignoring his bad words at home. Anyway, we haven't abandoned this approach yet. There are some benefits to it. I just hope he gets through this transitional time soon before we lose our minds.
     
  9. MissVic

    MissVic New Member

    Wow, that's awesome that you've found something that works!
    Let us know if it continues to work!

    V