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Sweet Betsy....
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 351197" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Julie - </p><p> </p><p>Dum Spiro Spero. Is one of my favorite Latin phrases in the world. I loved that you used it in your letter to us. <em><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'">While I breathe, I hope.</span></em> No one can ever take that from a Mother. No matter how far back in the recesses of your mind you place your feelings about Betsy, or myself Dude? I think in order to feel human after what our kids put us through? We keep hope alive there. Hidden; but alive, and that just has to be okay for us to keep going every day. It's like the empty chair in my house. People think it's an odd thing until they find out who I leave that odd, empty chair for. No names need be mentioned. Without him? I'd have no hope at all. </p><p> </p><p>I'd like to tell you I'm sorry for Betsy. She's been in my thoughts and her son too. I have a feeling that this path of self-destruction she's on has been a result of her choices and decisions that led to her not raising him AND using all of that as an excuse to feel sorry for herself and go drugging and drinking. As much as I love her what she's done to herself is so sad, what she's done to her son gets more sad by the day. She is a georgeous girl with a brilliant mind and if I had one thing to tell her - I guess it would be that no matter HOW long she has spent running wild and using herself as a whipping post? It's never to late to stop, turn around and get herself together, and quit making excuses for her behavior. </p><p> </p><p>She needs to find out who she is, what she wants....and really realize how very, very valuable she is in this world. Not just in your world or her son's life - but to all of us. This business of hanging around with men that would treat her in any other way that with love, kindness, respect and like a princess? Just absurd! She is worth so much more than what she sees in any mirror. I hope she figures out the worth of Betsy - it's certainly a lot more valuable than what she's been selling her self short for. Running in a defecit hasn't been doing her any favors. Time for her to take control, find her purpose, and get back to that determined young lady we used to know. She's still there. I believe she'll find her she just needs to know it takes time - I was told about 1 year of therapy for every year of abuse. Seems like a long time but once you get out of the abuse cycle and stop allowing people to hurt you, and you stop hurting yourself? You realize you want good things around you and avoid bad things - and that starts your new way of life from that day on - so your years catch up pretty quick. When i did the math originally? I figured I'd be about 65 before I was ever normal. (then again - I <em>could</em> be right) </p><p> </p><p>In the mean time Mom - take heart and take it <strong><u>one </u></strong>baby step at a time. DO NOT expect that this place, this spin-dry is the solution. It's not. BETSY is the solution. This place? It's a tool in a long list of tools to fix her. So if you go along thinking - holding your breath beliving "OH THIS IS IT it HAS TO BE IT..IT HAS TO BE IT OR SHE WILL DIE." then you are selling YOURself short. And setting HER up for failure as well. Just tell yourself this is one stop - and it will have ONE lesson for her. The rest is up to her...and allow yourself the ability to think - this may take several more placements. It's okay. It's alright to hope, it's dangerous to set yourself up. Be realistic - have faith, and if she is successful at this treatment center? Wonderful. If she falls? KNOW it happens, and she'll probably need to fall some before she walks alone without supports. Just like when she was a baby. Not much different. You didn't know much about walking babies when you first became a parent remember? So you're both kinda even again. Give it time - Give it over to where it needs to be. You can't do more than that. </p><p> </p><p> I have lived 25 years watching an addicts up and downs and spent the first 13 of it - living next to it daily. It will destroy you if you can't make peace and find understanding so I HIGHLY recommend any of the *anon's. Narc-anon was the one I got the most insight from. I went even when he didn't and really got inside the head of a clean/recovering heroin, crack/coke abusers thoughts when he had moments of clarity. Really wild perspective on why, how...etc. Not what you might think and the what you DO think sort of falls to the way side and allows you to let go of a lot of guilt if you have it. </p><p> </p><p>Hang in there - Stay strong. My love to Sweet Betsy and your grandson. Prayers for your family. </p><p>Hugs & Love</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 351197, member: 4964"] Julie - Dum Spiro Spero. Is one of my favorite Latin phrases in the world. I loved that you used it in your letter to us. [I][FONT=Book Antiqua]While I breathe, I hope.[/FONT][/I] No one can ever take that from a Mother. No matter how far back in the recesses of your mind you place your feelings about Betsy, or myself Dude? I think in order to feel human after what our kids put us through? We keep hope alive there. Hidden; but alive, and that just has to be okay for us to keep going every day. It's like the empty chair in my house. People think it's an odd thing until they find out who I leave that odd, empty chair for. No names need be mentioned. Without him? I'd have no hope at all. I'd like to tell you I'm sorry for Betsy. She's been in my thoughts and her son too. I have a feeling that this path of self-destruction she's on has been a result of her choices and decisions that led to her not raising him AND using all of that as an excuse to feel sorry for herself and go drugging and drinking. As much as I love her what she's done to herself is so sad, what she's done to her son gets more sad by the day. She is a georgeous girl with a brilliant mind and if I had one thing to tell her - I guess it would be that no matter HOW long she has spent running wild and using herself as a whipping post? It's never to late to stop, turn around and get herself together, and quit making excuses for her behavior. She needs to find out who she is, what she wants....and really realize how very, very valuable she is in this world. Not just in your world or her son's life - but to all of us. This business of hanging around with men that would treat her in any other way that with love, kindness, respect and like a princess? Just absurd! She is worth so much more than what she sees in any mirror. I hope she figures out the worth of Betsy - it's certainly a lot more valuable than what she's been selling her self short for. Running in a defecit hasn't been doing her any favors. Time for her to take control, find her purpose, and get back to that determined young lady we used to know. She's still there. I believe she'll find her she just needs to know it takes time - I was told about 1 year of therapy for every year of abuse. Seems like a long time but once you get out of the abuse cycle and stop allowing people to hurt you, and you stop hurting yourself? You realize you want good things around you and avoid bad things - and that starts your new way of life from that day on - so your years catch up pretty quick. When i did the math originally? I figured I'd be about 65 before I was ever normal. (then again - I [I]could[/I] be right) In the mean time Mom - take heart and take it [B][U]one [/U][/B]baby step at a time. DO NOT expect that this place, this spin-dry is the solution. It's not. BETSY is the solution. This place? It's a tool in a long list of tools to fix her. So if you go along thinking - holding your breath beliving "OH THIS IS IT it HAS TO BE IT..IT HAS TO BE IT OR SHE WILL DIE." then you are selling YOURself short. And setting HER up for failure as well. Just tell yourself this is one stop - and it will have ONE lesson for her. The rest is up to her...and allow yourself the ability to think - this may take several more placements. It's okay. It's alright to hope, it's dangerous to set yourself up. Be realistic - have faith, and if she is successful at this treatment center? Wonderful. If she falls? KNOW it happens, and she'll probably need to fall some before she walks alone without supports. Just like when she was a baby. Not much different. You didn't know much about walking babies when you first became a parent remember? So you're both kinda even again. Give it time - Give it over to where it needs to be. You can't do more than that. I have lived 25 years watching an addicts up and downs and spent the first 13 of it - living next to it daily. It will destroy you if you can't make peace and find understanding so I HIGHLY recommend any of the *anon's. Narc-anon was the one I got the most insight from. I went even when he didn't and really got inside the head of a clean/recovering heroin, crack/coke abusers thoughts when he had moments of clarity. Really wild perspective on why, how...etc. Not what you might think and the what you DO think sort of falls to the way side and allows you to let go of a lot of guilt if you have it. Hang in there - Stay strong. My love to Sweet Betsy and your grandson. Prayers for your family. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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