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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 233275" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Kitteh, </p><p> </p><p>For so many years - it was just ME and Dude against - THE WORLD. We had lived through literal hell and lived to talk about it. Not really lived - maybe survived it. Due to all the outside forces we became what is known as enmeshed. I was his everything he was mine. NOTHING came between us. </p><p> </p><p>When someone even suggested to me that I was his friend and not his Mother I became enraged. I was doing the best I could. So was he poor little fella. What I know today is that if there were a doo over? I'd have broken that cycle earlier. Didn't know it - so didn't do it then, but did do it eventually. It was hard, it stunk, I hurt - he hurt. I felt most times like I was abandoning him and letting him sink - most times I felt like I as an adult had some coping skills, was moving forward and had left him behind. </p><p> </p><p>It was one of the best things I ever did for both of us. I had to learn how to be his Mom. Didn't mean we couldn't share things - but it just meant that each of us had to figure out where we "BELONGED" in our relationship. I had to become the head of my house, and he had to become the child that took orders. I didn't want to be THAT kind of Mom either - I wanted to be the COOL Mom - I mean I couldnt offer him things like the other kids - so I let a LOT of things slide. HUGE mistake. </p><p> </p><p>I think what you are beginning to do with Tink is real hard, and it hurts. The longer you do it the better off you'll both be. When you feel like an Ogre - post here. I'll write something whitty to cheer you. Like Grab yer torch and pitchfork. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 233275, member: 4964"] Kitteh, For so many years - it was just ME and Dude against - THE WORLD. We had lived through literal hell and lived to talk about it. Not really lived - maybe survived it. Due to all the outside forces we became what is known as enmeshed. I was his everything he was mine. NOTHING came between us. When someone even suggested to me that I was his friend and not his Mother I became enraged. I was doing the best I could. So was he poor little fella. What I know today is that if there were a doo over? I'd have broken that cycle earlier. Didn't know it - so didn't do it then, but did do it eventually. It was hard, it stunk, I hurt - he hurt. I felt most times like I was abandoning him and letting him sink - most times I felt like I as an adult had some coping skills, was moving forward and had left him behind. It was one of the best things I ever did for both of us. I had to learn how to be his Mom. Didn't mean we couldn't share things - but it just meant that each of us had to figure out where we "BELONGED" in our relationship. I had to become the head of my house, and he had to become the child that took orders. I didn't want to be THAT kind of Mom either - I wanted to be the COOL Mom - I mean I couldnt offer him things like the other kids - so I let a LOT of things slide. HUGE mistake. I think what you are beginning to do with Tink is real hard, and it hurts. The longer you do it the better off you'll both be. When you feel like an Ogre - post here. I'll write something whitty to cheer you. Like Grab yer torch and pitchfork. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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