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<blockquote data-quote="miles2go" data-source="post: 406906" data-attributes="member: 6374"><p>I have a 15 y.o. daughter too. I think there are two distinct situations here -- one is that she is depressed and needs therapy. Read "Primal Teen"? Teen brains are so messed up that the only normal thing for them is to have depression, bipolar and ADD whenever the spirit moves them. So you have to get her into therapy.</p><p>Regarding the choice what and how to tell her what you know and how you found it out.</p><p>If you can't "keep this bottled up" then you have fewer choice here. If on the other hand you could keep this bottled up and if you could get her into therapy without telling her what you know then I can see waiting to tell her -- moods change and she may be less vulnerable later and therapist hopefully helps her work some things through. Once you find a therapist you trust you can as the therapist for advice how to bridge it, I don't know. I think this is no time for moral absolutes; dealing with teens like with loved children with serious mental condition has been the only helpful paradigm I found, so it is all about managing their condition (depression in this case) for the time being without incurring major damage.</p><p>If you do tell her, will you tell your wife? Especially if your daughter doesn't want you to?</p><p>Now, whether you tell her or not, I don't think you need to feel at all guilty for invading her privacy. Your primary responsibility is to insure her safety and her brain cannot be trusted with it; not due to some moral failing but because it is whacked out on all kinds of hormones etc and because the prefrontal cortex cannot carry out executive function too well -- that's why they are in someone's custody til age 18. Some years ago my then-adolescent sister-in-law lived with us and I'd discover messages on a cell phone (after she borrowed it from me for a few months) from creeps that she found over the internet and on public transportation, setting up place and time to meet. More than one teen got in big trouble just under such circumstances. I installed WebWatcher on our computer and told my daughter about it.</p><p>Your daughter's depression, and her not-ready-for first experience as part of it, that's a problem that she needs to work through, with therapist.</p><p>On her becoming sexually active,-- other than "here are the condoms and here are the pills and don't do anything you don't really want to do" I am not sure what I can offer to my daughter (she hasn't gone there yet, but I hear a lot about her girlfriends having a pregnancy scare etc).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="miles2go, post: 406906, member: 6374"] I have a 15 y.o. daughter too. I think there are two distinct situations here -- one is that she is depressed and needs therapy. Read "Primal Teen"? Teen brains are so messed up that the only normal thing for them is to have depression, bipolar and ADD whenever the spirit moves them. So you have to get her into therapy. Regarding the choice what and how to tell her what you know and how you found it out. If you can't "keep this bottled up" then you have fewer choice here. If on the other hand you could keep this bottled up and if you could get her into therapy without telling her what you know then I can see waiting to tell her -- moods change and she may be less vulnerable later and therapist hopefully helps her work some things through. Once you find a therapist you trust you can as the therapist for advice how to bridge it, I don't know. I think this is no time for moral absolutes; dealing with teens like with loved children with serious mental condition has been the only helpful paradigm I found, so it is all about managing their condition (depression in this case) for the time being without incurring major damage. If you do tell her, will you tell your wife? Especially if your daughter doesn't want you to? Now, whether you tell her or not, I don't think you need to feel at all guilty for invading her privacy. Your primary responsibility is to insure her safety and her brain cannot be trusted with it; not due to some moral failing but because it is whacked out on all kinds of hormones etc and because the prefrontal cortex cannot carry out executive function too well -- that's why they are in someone's custody til age 18. Some years ago my then-adolescent sister-in-law lived with us and I'd discover messages on a cell phone (after she borrowed it from me for a few months) from creeps that she found over the internet and on public transportation, setting up place and time to meet. More than one teen got in big trouble just under such circumstances. I installed WebWatcher on our computer and told my daughter about it. Your daughter's depression, and her not-ready-for first experience as part of it, that's a problem that she needs to work through, with therapist. On her becoming sexually active,-- other than "here are the condoms and here are the pills and don't do anything you don't really want to do" I am not sure what I can offer to my daughter (she hasn't gone there yet, but I hear a lot about her girlfriends having a pregnancy scare etc). [/QUOTE]
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