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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 406907" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Could she have been lying to make herself seem more worldly-wise? Go carefully. But seriously - assume she has lost her virginity. Don't see it as a disaster, see it as normal because, sadly, it is these days more and more. Normal, that is, for girls to lose their virginity under-age.</p><p></p><p>What we did - you can't stand guard at their bedroom door all your life. We tried. husband & I took turns virtually lying on the floor outside her bedroom door so she'd have to step over us to go out. Crazy.</p><p></p><p>So instead, we gave her The Talk. We said if you want the adult pleasures, you have to take on the adult responsibilities. First one - health checks. Pap smear, then go on the Pill. If not being on the Pill is all that is stopping her from having sex, then she may as well go on it to be safer from teen pregnancy.</p><p>Pap smear is important. Then - using condoms. I took my kids shopping for condoms. I loudly discussed the merits of ribbed vs unribbed, told them that ribbed condoms don't make a darn bit of difference to the girl but can reduce the feeling for the guy and so guys don't really like them; if you want better kicks during sex, there are other gadgets you can use. I talked about flavoured condoms (yes, we can buy them in our supermarkets, they're next to the Vegemite). Told the kids to stay away from the banana-flavoured ones, they're horrible.</p><p>I reckon that totally put the kids off, gave us another 18 months of celibacy from them. At least.</p><p></p><p>Only one was virgin when he married - difficult child 1. Both girls had lost their virginity under age. easy child was 15. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was 17. </p><p></p><p>Follow-up - because we insisted on pap smears, easy child 2/difficult child 2 has had pre-cancerous patches on her cervix caught and removed. She wouldn't have got them if she hadn't had unprotected sex, but life is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Sexual responsibility is not just physical health, it is mental health. it is not being bullied into sex just because the guy is pressuring you. it is recognising that once you have sex, you are tied to one another in a different way and you need to treat one another with respect and gentility. There are good reasons for sex not happening too young - because relationships when you're young are tempestuous enough; sex complicates things. Also, if you have sex too readily, you sidestep the "getting to know you" process that every GOOD relationship needs.</p><p></p><p>But sex alone is not the big deal. Sexual responsibility, however, is a big deal. And she has no privacy rights when it comes to FB or anything else, while she's under age and under your roof. You could always say that someone told you, and that you are assuming it is true and taking her to the doctor. Let her talk to the doctor confidentially (I think legally she is entitled) but get the doctor on side, the kid needs to be on contraception and needs regular health checks.</p><p></p><p>other than that - you have to live with it. Sorry. it is hard, but your daughter is a sexual creature. You can't put that genie back in the bottle.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 406907, member: 1991"] Could she have been lying to make herself seem more worldly-wise? Go carefully. But seriously - assume she has lost her virginity. Don't see it as a disaster, see it as normal because, sadly, it is these days more and more. Normal, that is, for girls to lose their virginity under-age. What we did - you can't stand guard at their bedroom door all your life. We tried. husband & I took turns virtually lying on the floor outside her bedroom door so she'd have to step over us to go out. Crazy. So instead, we gave her The Talk. We said if you want the adult pleasures, you have to take on the adult responsibilities. First one - health checks. Pap smear, then go on the Pill. If not being on the Pill is all that is stopping her from having sex, then she may as well go on it to be safer from teen pregnancy. Pap smear is important. Then - using condoms. I took my kids shopping for condoms. I loudly discussed the merits of ribbed vs unribbed, told them that ribbed condoms don't make a darn bit of difference to the girl but can reduce the feeling for the guy and so guys don't really like them; if you want better kicks during sex, there are other gadgets you can use. I talked about flavoured condoms (yes, we can buy them in our supermarkets, they're next to the Vegemite). Told the kids to stay away from the banana-flavoured ones, they're horrible. I reckon that totally put the kids off, gave us another 18 months of celibacy from them. At least. Only one was virgin when he married - difficult child 1. Both girls had lost their virginity under age. easy child was 15. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was 17. Follow-up - because we insisted on pap smears, easy child 2/difficult child 2 has had pre-cancerous patches on her cervix caught and removed. She wouldn't have got them if she hadn't had unprotected sex, but life is what it is. Sexual responsibility is not just physical health, it is mental health. it is not being bullied into sex just because the guy is pressuring you. it is recognising that once you have sex, you are tied to one another in a different way and you need to treat one another with respect and gentility. There are good reasons for sex not happening too young - because relationships when you're young are tempestuous enough; sex complicates things. Also, if you have sex too readily, you sidestep the "getting to know you" process that every GOOD relationship needs. But sex alone is not the big deal. Sexual responsibility, however, is a big deal. And she has no privacy rights when it comes to FB or anything else, while she's under age and under your roof. You could always say that someone told you, and that you are assuming it is true and taking her to the doctor. Let her talk to the doctor confidentially (I think legally she is entitled) but get the doctor on side, the kid needs to be on contraception and needs regular health checks. other than that - you have to live with it. Sorry. it is hard, but your daughter is a sexual creature. You can't put that genie back in the bottle. Marg [/QUOTE]
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