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General Parenting
Teens' Defiance Wrecking Our Home
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 719519" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>I'll gently suggest - and I am a stepmom myself so I understand that it is difficult to always know where we stand/how much authority we have/etc.....that a change in YOUR mindset from "the kids won't do it, how can I make them" to "the kids WILL do it, this is unacceptable, and if they refuse our response is x, y, or z," will allow you to take control of the situation.</p><p></p><p>If you allow these boys to be in charge of their own behavior then nothing will change. Your husband, and you, have to be in charge of ALL the children's behavior.</p><p></p><p>Since you are the bio mom to one toddler and one soon to be newborn you have additional concerns beyond just these two. You need to be sure YOUR children are protected. Not to say you do not consider the older boys to be your children, but there is a difference.</p><p></p><p>I hope your husband is just as concerned as you are, and understands that his older boys need help. More than that, I hope he agrees with you that they cannot continue disrespecting you, displaying physical aggression, and running away. If they continue acting out, again speaking for civilian life only as I do not know about military health care (or whether that even matters), you can send them to military or boarding school, you can have them declared minors in need of supervision and hand them over to the courts, you can send them back to their bio mom - whatever needs to be done to either get them help so they improve, or failing that, remove their negative influence from your other babies.</p><p></p><p>So sorry you are going through this. It's awful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 719519, member: 13303"] I'll gently suggest - and I am a stepmom myself so I understand that it is difficult to always know where we stand/how much authority we have/etc.....that a change in YOUR mindset from "the kids won't do it, how can I make them" to "the kids WILL do it, this is unacceptable, and if they refuse our response is x, y, or z," will allow you to take control of the situation. If you allow these boys to be in charge of their own behavior then nothing will change. Your husband, and you, have to be in charge of ALL the children's behavior. Since you are the bio mom to one toddler and one soon to be newborn you have additional concerns beyond just these two. You need to be sure YOUR children are protected. Not to say you do not consider the older boys to be your children, but there is a difference. I hope your husband is just as concerned as you are, and understands that his older boys need help. More than that, I hope he agrees with you that they cannot continue disrespecting you, displaying physical aggression, and running away. If they continue acting out, again speaking for civilian life only as I do not know about military health care (or whether that even matters), you can send them to military or boarding school, you can have them declared minors in need of supervision and hand them over to the courts, you can send them back to their bio mom - whatever needs to be done to either get them help so they improve, or failing that, remove their negative influence from your other babies. So sorry you are going through this. It's awful. [/QUOTE]
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