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Temporary or Permanent shorter tantrums?
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 427617" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Confused - and a repeated dose of hugs! What you are facing is challenging. A couple of thoughts occurred to me straight away - first, that forcing medicine on your child is probably a really bad idea. It is quite abusive and will really enrage him. You have to find a way that he will accept to take it... but for him to do that your whole relationship has to be improved. And that is the Really Difficult Work of course... "The Explosive Child" will help, I am sure. As with my son, "no" is a really difficult concept. So I try not to say it as such but to enlist his co-operation by other means. Children are all so different. What is really true for my son - and I cannot know if this is also true in your case, but it might be worth a consistent try - is that he is VERY emotionally sensitive, very desirous of giving and receiving affection and this is some kind of key in getting him to behave better. He is really responsive to how I am with him - ie if I am cross, impatient, rejecting in my manner or tone, his behaviour can become "impossible". If I engage with him gently, patiently, with affection and humour, he can be a little angel, really a delight to know. Yet there are times of course, even with this "magic method", where what he wants and I want diverge. At that point, talking and explaining seems to work MUCH better than trying to command him. I also have to try to train myself to pick the battles carefully. Some things have to be insisted on and respected - others not. For example, this morning. We live in a village and he goes to the village school - it is a journey of about a minute between school and home. So we have some flexibility re timing in the morning. This morning he wanted to "read" (he doesn't read yet) a cartoon book he had got from the library. He was really insistent he wanted to finish it and although it meant he was still undressed, reading on the sofa (having had his breakfast while reading) at 8.40 when he had to be at school by 9, I allowed him to do it. He finished, we got dressed quickly and we dashed down to school in time. No sweat! I think - and I suspect your son is probably the same - that he feels respected and "heard" when he is allowed to have things his way some of the time, when they are reasonable requests, and becomes more co-operative in return.</p><p>The other thought that occurred to me was that I honestly would doubt that this behaviour is going to "go away". People do say these things but... having a tantrum for 45 minutes at age 5 is not standard and I would think does suggest some deeper causal problem. You may have talked about this already but is your son going to get evaluated? I am on some waiting list for an evaluation by a neuro-pscyhologist and I think this is important, to get a clearer picture. What do you think is going on with your son?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 427617, member: 11227"] Hi Confused - and a repeated dose of hugs! What you are facing is challenging. A couple of thoughts occurred to me straight away - first, that forcing medicine on your child is probably a really bad idea. It is quite abusive and will really enrage him. You have to find a way that he will accept to take it... but for him to do that your whole relationship has to be improved. And that is the Really Difficult Work of course... "The Explosive Child" will help, I am sure. As with my son, "no" is a really difficult concept. So I try not to say it as such but to enlist his co-operation by other means. Children are all so different. What is really true for my son - and I cannot know if this is also true in your case, but it might be worth a consistent try - is that he is VERY emotionally sensitive, very desirous of giving and receiving affection and this is some kind of key in getting him to behave better. He is really responsive to how I am with him - ie if I am cross, impatient, rejecting in my manner or tone, his behaviour can become "impossible". If I engage with him gently, patiently, with affection and humour, he can be a little angel, really a delight to know. Yet there are times of course, even with this "magic method", where what he wants and I want diverge. At that point, talking and explaining seems to work MUCH better than trying to command him. I also have to try to train myself to pick the battles carefully. Some things have to be insisted on and respected - others not. For example, this morning. We live in a village and he goes to the village school - it is a journey of about a minute between school and home. So we have some flexibility re timing in the morning. This morning he wanted to "read" (he doesn't read yet) a cartoon book he had got from the library. He was really insistent he wanted to finish it and although it meant he was still undressed, reading on the sofa (having had his breakfast while reading) at 8.40 when he had to be at school by 9, I allowed him to do it. He finished, we got dressed quickly and we dashed down to school in time. No sweat! I think - and I suspect your son is probably the same - that he feels respected and "heard" when he is allowed to have things his way some of the time, when they are reasonable requests, and becomes more co-operative in return. The other thought that occurred to me was that I honestly would doubt that this behaviour is going to "go away". People do say these things but... having a tantrum for 45 minutes at age 5 is not standard and I would think does suggest some deeper causal problem. You may have talked about this already but is your son going to get evaluated? I am on some waiting list for an evaluation by a neuro-pscyhologist and I think this is important, to get a clearer picture. What do you think is going on with your son? [/QUOTE]
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