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Parent Emeritus
Texting CD Child Before Bed (And The Distress Of It)
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 753399" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Hi Chickpea,</p><p>I can see how checking in with your child at the end of the day is comforting. You have experienced so much fear fear surrounding her that this feels soothing .</p><p></p><p>The conversations that cause you distress are a sign that your needs , for peace, for comfort, for equanimity, are not being met with the current behaviors on your part. </p><p></p><p>One change you could implement is to not have conversations when your daughter is impaired. She cannot hear you when she is not sober, and you will be upset by what she says at the same time. So it doesn't serve either one of you .</p><p></p><p>I hear a sense of F.O.G. (fear, obligation, and guilt) in what you describe .That does not serve you or your daughter. Rather than feeling sorry for her, seek to empower her. You do that by detaching with love, and by realizing , for you, that her current situation is the sum total of the decisions she has made up until now .She has every power to change them when she is ready. </p><p></p><p>I think, for me, I like to feel needed. I like to feel like I am the number one person in someone's life and that I am helping them unlike any other. So I need to ask myself how I can fill those needs within myself and for myself by myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 753399, member: 24254"] Hi Chickpea, I can see how checking in with your child at the end of the day is comforting. You have experienced so much fear fear surrounding her that this feels soothing . The conversations that cause you distress are a sign that your needs , for peace, for comfort, for equanimity, are not being met with the current behaviors on your part. One change you could implement is to not have conversations when your daughter is impaired. She cannot hear you when she is not sober, and you will be upset by what she says at the same time. So it doesn't serve either one of you . I hear a sense of F.O.G. (fear, obligation, and guilt) in what you describe .That does not serve you or your daughter. Rather than feeling sorry for her, seek to empower her. You do that by detaching with love, and by realizing , for you, that her current situation is the sum total of the decisions she has made up until now .She has every power to change them when she is ready. I think, for me, I like to feel needed. I like to feel like I am the number one person in someone's life and that I am helping them unlike any other. So I need to ask myself how I can fill those needs within myself and for myself by myself. [/QUOTE]
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Texting CD Child Before Bed (And The Distress Of It)
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