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Texting CD Child Before Bed (And The Distress Of It)
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753405" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I woke up early this morning, went out to make my coffee, looked up at the clock, and it was 2:30am. I do understand how nighttime brings vulnerability.</p><p></p><p>I think it makes sense to figure out your motivations, like you say. How can you make a determination if these late night contacts meet your needs, unless you know what that need is. Are you "mothering" her (if so, is that for you or for her? if it's for you, is it to assuage guilt or to keep a connection); are you trying to reassure yourself that she's okay? Or are you trying to keep yourself okay? Is this making you feel weaker? Is it weakening to her, that is, making her into a baby?</p><p></p><p>Also, I try to recognize what it is I aspire to, as opposed to what I fall into because I'm vulnerable, afraid and weak. I have to think about what I want for my son, and what I want for myself.</p><p></p><p>Because I am frequently terrified, I will often act from this place, as opposed to strength. And when I am reactive due to fear, it tends to reinforce the fear.</p><p></p><p>I am facing something quite difficult and scary with my son. I feel it is a choice point for me. Do I fall into the vat of terror and sink, risking losing myself to grief, or do I seek to act from the strengths in my life, my capacities to give to others and to contribute, defining myself based upon what I hope to be. Not by what I fear will engulf me and subsume everything I have wanted for myself and my child and for my life.</p><p></p><p>I think these choices of ours are just that critical. We are not able to keep our children safe. But we can make choices that lead to a better chance that we survive and perhaps thrive. And we can strive to make choices that pull to our strengths and our children's strengths.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753405, member: 18958"] I woke up early this morning, went out to make my coffee, looked up at the clock, and it was 2:30am. I do understand how nighttime brings vulnerability. I think it makes sense to figure out your motivations, like you say. How can you make a determination if these late night contacts meet your needs, unless you know what that need is. Are you "mothering" her (if so, is that for you or for her? if it's for you, is it to assuage guilt or to keep a connection); are you trying to reassure yourself that she's okay? Or are you trying to keep yourself okay? Is this making you feel weaker? Is it weakening to her, that is, making her into a baby? Also, I try to recognize what it is I aspire to, as opposed to what I fall into because I'm vulnerable, afraid and weak. I have to think about what I want for my son, and what I want for myself. Because I am frequently terrified, I will often act from this place, as opposed to strength. And when I am reactive due to fear, it tends to reinforce the fear. I am facing something quite difficult and scary with my son. I feel it is a choice point for me. Do I fall into the vat of terror and sink, risking losing myself to grief, or do I seek to act from the strengths in my life, my capacities to give to others and to contribute, defining myself based upon what I hope to be. Not by what I fear will engulf me and subsume everything I have wanted for myself and my child and for my life. I think these choices of ours are just that critical. We are not able to keep our children safe. But we can make choices that lead to a better chance that we survive and perhaps thrive. And we can strive to make choices that pull to our strengths and our children's strengths. [/QUOTE]
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Texting CD Child Before Bed (And The Distress Of It)
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