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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 763271" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello Brokeninside,</p><p>Thank you so much for your kind response. When I wrote your name, I thought, “No, not broken, <em>healing, </em>you are healing. We are all working really hard on this, healing. It is so difficult to watch our adult children go down this path. </p><p></p><p>I think that we all strengthen one another with the honesty, reality and despair of our situations with our beloveds, your words do give me strength and I thank you. Like you posted concerning your son, it is a <em>gut punch</em>. I am working hard at building myself back up so that I am not doubled over with emotion, it does me no good. Honestly, after all of these years, I still have to process the feelings. (Well obviously by my posting). But, I am not at the point I was years ago, when I felt the need to open up my home and “fix it.” Thank God. All that did was bring the consequences of my twos choices up close and personal. No bueno.</p><p></p><p>You know, looking back, when I was in “rescue mode”, my focus was on trying to fix the unfixable. My grandchildren were so young and hubs and my concern was mostly for their welfare. What we didn’t realize was the affect that had on our own two younger children. They are in their twenties now and talk about the chaos they grew up in, due to their sisters choices while in our home. The revolving door we had. They would come and go, and I would rearrange the house to accommodate them. Along with that would come drama and all kinds of crazy. Then they would leave and the house would be quiet again, until they were kicked out from where they were and back they would come. I feel awful about that, but I can’t change history. So yes, I am fiercely protecting my granddaughter, Lord knows she has seen and dealt with more than enough drama. You are so right to focus on your teenaged daughter. She has a right to a peaceful home, as do you and your husband. When an adult child is acting out to the point where the peace and safety of our homes is in jeopardy, it behooves us to take a stance. We are doing our beloved wayward adult children no favor by allowing them to be outrageous in our homes, to disrespect us. </p><p></p><p>Yes, we definitely need strength to deal with this reality. Detachment does not mean we don’t love our wayward children, we do with all of our hearts. We can still love them, <em>but get off t</em>he emotional roller coaster ride that comes with the consequences of their choices. It is so not healthy for us. Being able to come here and write out incidences, hear from others, process feelings and know that I am not alone has helped me tremendously. Hugs, love and prayers to you as well, <em>Healinginside. We are not broken. </em>We did not cause this, can’t control it.</p><p> I still believe wholeheartedly that by living our best lives, we are shining the light that they can, too. </p><p>Peace and light to you.</p><p>Self love is not selfish. It is what we wish for all of our children, that they would love themselves enough to choose better. </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 763271, member: 19522"] Hello Brokeninside, Thank you so much for your kind response. When I wrote your name, I thought, “No, not broken, [I]healing, [/I]you are healing. We are all working really hard on this, healing. It is so difficult to watch our adult children go down this path. I think that we all strengthen one another with the honesty, reality and despair of our situations with our beloveds, your words do give me strength and I thank you. Like you posted concerning your son, it is a [I]gut punch[/I]. I am working hard at building myself back up so that I am not doubled over with emotion, it does me no good. Honestly, after all of these years, I still have to process the feelings. (Well obviously by my posting). But, I am not at the point I was years ago, when I felt the need to open up my home and “fix it.” Thank God. All that did was bring the consequences of my twos choices up close and personal. No bueno. You know, looking back, when I was in “rescue mode”, my focus was on trying to fix the unfixable. My grandchildren were so young and hubs and my concern was mostly for their welfare. What we didn’t realize was the affect that had on our own two younger children. They are in their twenties now and talk about the chaos they grew up in, due to their sisters choices while in our home. The revolving door we had. They would come and go, and I would rearrange the house to accommodate them. Along with that would come drama and all kinds of crazy. Then they would leave and the house would be quiet again, until they were kicked out from where they were and back they would come. I feel awful about that, but I can’t change history. So yes, I am fiercely protecting my granddaughter, Lord knows she has seen and dealt with more than enough drama. You are so right to focus on your teenaged daughter. She has a right to a peaceful home, as do you and your husband. When an adult child is acting out to the point where the peace and safety of our homes is in jeopardy, it behooves us to take a stance. We are doing our beloved wayward adult children no favor by allowing them to be outrageous in our homes, to disrespect us. Yes, we definitely need strength to deal with this reality. Detachment does not mean we don’t love our wayward children, we do with all of our hearts. We can still love them, [I]but get off t[/I]he emotional roller coaster ride that comes with the consequences of their choices. It is so not healthy for us. Being able to come here and write out incidences, hear from others, process feelings and know that I am not alone has helped me tremendously. Hugs, love and prayers to you as well, [I]Healinginside. We are not broken. [/I]We did not cause this, can’t control it. I still believe wholeheartedly that by living our best lives, we are shining the light that they can, too. Peace and light to you. Self love is not selfish. It is what we wish for all of our children, that they would love themselves enough to choose better. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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