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Parent Emeritus
The Bad, the Good, and the Ugly
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 484905" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>((((((((((hugs))))))))))</p><p></p><p>This is so hard for both of you. I am thrilled that he has a therapist that he connects with. I don't believe that you won't find some type of normal with him. If/when he can work through this, he CAN approach normal - whatever that is for him. These repressed memories and emotions are probably a HUGE HUGE HUGE part of his gfgness. I would say that a majority of the foundation for the difficult child stuff is the repressed stuff, if it isn't ALL built on it.</p><p></p><p>One of the BEST ways to help him through this is to see a therapist of your own - one you can really connect with. YOU need to work through all that you are feeling/thinking/experiencing and if you don't you may unconsciously sabotage his efforts. I <u><strong>KNOW</strong></u> that you will never ever sabotage him on purpose, but this is triggering YOU and it will happen unless you work to handle what you are going through. I know there are not as many resources around for you, but if nothing else, maybe there is a clinic or someone you will click with. Don't forget to check for DV and sexual abuse survivor organizations that might be able to help you. Even if you were not abused by the people difficult child was, you will still get help from these groups because your child was. </p><p></p><p>If Matt would use a book about anxiety, there are some great ones out there. If you can send a note to his doctor, either through him or by mailing it, ask the therapist to help him learn tools to handle the anxiety as he feels it. Suggest she have him write the various tools down and even frame them or make posters of them so that he can see them easily with-o having to go look through a notebook or whatever. Encourage whatever soothes him - sensory stuff like soft music, weighted blankets, banging on a drum or playing an instrument, a favorite childhood video, whatever works. Think back to when he was little - what comforted him then? Can those be used to help now? Wiz used to watch Pooh videos when he was anxious and it did a LOT more than videogames or other shows. </p><p></p><p>What would help YOU when he is this upset around you? What soothes YOU? Try having that with you when you are with him. A shirt with a favorite texture or fabric, music in the car or on an mp3 player, a perfume that reminds you of a favorite memory or person, etc... I take cross stitching when I ahve to wait while a kiddo of mine is in with a therapist, esp for a difficult session. It soothes and calms me. </p><p></p><p>You will get through this, both of you. Life will be far better once you have. You are both survivors and fighters.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 484905, member: 1233"] ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) This is so hard for both of you. I am thrilled that he has a therapist that he connects with. I don't believe that you won't find some type of normal with him. If/when he can work through this, he CAN approach normal - whatever that is for him. These repressed memories and emotions are probably a HUGE HUGE HUGE part of his gfgness. I would say that a majority of the foundation for the difficult child stuff is the repressed stuff, if it isn't ALL built on it. One of the BEST ways to help him through this is to see a therapist of your own - one you can really connect with. YOU need to work through all that you are feeling/thinking/experiencing and if you don't you may unconsciously sabotage his efforts. I [U][B]KNOW[/B][/U] that you will never ever sabotage him on purpose, but this is triggering YOU and it will happen unless you work to handle what you are going through. I know there are not as many resources around for you, but if nothing else, maybe there is a clinic or someone you will click with. Don't forget to check for DV and sexual abuse survivor organizations that might be able to help you. Even if you were not abused by the people difficult child was, you will still get help from these groups because your child was. If Matt would use a book about anxiety, there are some great ones out there. If you can send a note to his doctor, either through him or by mailing it, ask the therapist to help him learn tools to handle the anxiety as he feels it. Suggest she have him write the various tools down and even frame them or make posters of them so that he can see them easily with-o having to go look through a notebook or whatever. Encourage whatever soothes him - sensory stuff like soft music, weighted blankets, banging on a drum or playing an instrument, a favorite childhood video, whatever works. Think back to when he was little - what comforted him then? Can those be used to help now? Wiz used to watch Pooh videos when he was anxious and it did a LOT more than videogames or other shows. What would help YOU when he is this upset around you? What soothes YOU? Try having that with you when you are with him. A shirt with a favorite texture or fabric, music in the car or on an mp3 player, a perfume that reminds you of a favorite memory or person, etc... I take cross stitching when I ahve to wait while a kiddo of mine is in with a therapist, esp for a difficult session. It soothes and calms me. You will get through this, both of you. Life will be far better once you have. You are both survivors and fighters. [/QUOTE]
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