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Parent Emeritus
the ball is in his court??
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 720376" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>A while back, I had copied into a notebook some things that really spoke to me from this forum, when I was thinking about accepting my son back into the home out of fear he was getting worse, not more realistic. </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure I wrote these two from you verbatim. </p><p></p><p>"What I hope is that by offering him structure, opportunity and safety, he will begin to do more and from that have more and be more."</p><p></p><p>"I want him near me not in the street. I want things for him, even if (especially if) he cannot want them for himself. I want to have hope." </p><p></p><p>I felt exactly like this. It made me cry to read those words of yours. </p><p></p><p>But i also remember the words of a friend in a parent support group who wisely reminded me that there are many people in this world who are happy without the things that make us happy. </p><p></p><p>I think it's difficult to accept that anyone with the support and potential to live better lives, by our estimation and maybe even most people's, would choose not to. But I guess the question is whether they are fine that way. </p><p></p><p>And maybe either way, most DCS are not going to want things we already want more for them. We have to trust that they want to live though, unless they don't. And there are much faster ways to the end than being sickly, smoking the days away and not taking care of themselves. </p><p></p><p>It's hard to figure out what would be a crisis for them and whether we should stand in the way of them experiencing it. It's harder to figure out whether it's subcobscious self-destruction or lifestyle choices that risk ending badly. </p><p></p><p>I'm trying to stop trying to figure that out and just treat the flotsam for what it is. Its his dilemma or it's not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 720376, member: 19290"] A while back, I had copied into a notebook some things that really spoke to me from this forum, when I was thinking about accepting my son back into the home out of fear he was getting worse, not more realistic. I'm not sure I wrote these two from you verbatim. "What I hope is that by offering him structure, opportunity and safety, he will begin to do more and from that have more and be more." "I want him near me not in the street. I want things for him, even if (especially if) he cannot want them for himself. I want to have hope." I felt exactly like this. It made me cry to read those words of yours. But i also remember the words of a friend in a parent support group who wisely reminded me that there are many people in this world who are happy without the things that make us happy. I think it's difficult to accept that anyone with the support and potential to live better lives, by our estimation and maybe even most people's, would choose not to. But I guess the question is whether they are fine that way. And maybe either way, most DCS are not going to want things we already want more for them. We have to trust that they want to live though, unless they don't. And there are much faster ways to the end than being sickly, smoking the days away and not taking care of themselves. It's hard to figure out what would be a crisis for them and whether we should stand in the way of them experiencing it. It's harder to figure out whether it's subcobscious self-destruction or lifestyle choices that risk ending badly. I'm trying to stop trying to figure that out and just treat the flotsam for what it is. Its his dilemma or it's not. [/QUOTE]
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the ball is in his court??
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