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the ball is in his court??
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 721067" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>thanks everbody. </p><p></p><p>i agree.</p><p></p><p>lil. i was confused about the ssi, too. if it was a moneygram why would it have to go an address?</p><p></p><p>what happened is that the debit card apparently went to the wrong address. he has the option of getting the ssi moneygramed. the extra cost, $70.</p><p></p><p>when he called it appears he was going with the negative, frustrated, easy response to bail with any obstacle. to use the mistake, the need to pay $70, as an excuse to let go of the commitment to the apartment.</p><p></p><p>because he is ambivalent about it. he felt "forced" by the friend who believed he had no choice. that to live in what is essentially a druggie car, foul, horrible--was not an option. and that my son's return to our town was no remedy. as my son hates it. and it would merely be an escape.</p><p></p><p>m's view is this: we went along with the deal because it is a chance. if anybody can inluence son, it is h, the friend. and the arrangement would force him to work. and it would be clear right away if he would work. or not.</p><p></p><p>but m's basic stance is that j come back here. he says one, j does not have money to live in one of the highest rent areas in the country. that j or anybody has to earn it--the high cost life. and m says here (near us but not with us) he can monitor and influence him. here he can eat.</p><p></p><p>something is triggered in me where i lose my mind. i go right to fall apart. panic. desperation. despair.</p><p></p><p>this is where the work needs to happen. i am too involved. it as if his emotions send a shock to my nervous system and i am rendered into extreme crisis.</p><p></p><p>the only remedy is to find a way to withstand this.</p><p></p><p>thank you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 721067, member: 18958"] thanks everbody. i agree. lil. i was confused about the ssi, too. if it was a moneygram why would it have to go an address? what happened is that the debit card apparently went to the wrong address. he has the option of getting the ssi moneygramed. the extra cost, $70. when he called it appears he was going with the negative, frustrated, easy response to bail with any obstacle. to use the mistake, the need to pay $70, as an excuse to let go of the commitment to the apartment. because he is ambivalent about it. he felt "forced" by the friend who believed he had no choice. that to live in what is essentially a druggie car, foul, horrible--was not an option. and that my son's return to our town was no remedy. as my son hates it. and it would merely be an escape. m's view is this: we went along with the deal because it is a chance. if anybody can inluence son, it is h, the friend. and the arrangement would force him to work. and it would be clear right away if he would work. or not. but m's basic stance is that j come back here. he says one, j does not have money to live in one of the highest rent areas in the country. that j or anybody has to earn it--the high cost life. and m says here (near us but not with us) he can monitor and influence him. here he can eat. something is triggered in me where i lose my mind. i go right to fall apart. panic. desperation. despair. this is where the work needs to happen. i am too involved. it as if his emotions send a shock to my nervous system and i am rendered into extreme crisis. the only remedy is to find a way to withstand this. thank you all. [/QUOTE]
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