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the ball is in his court??
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 721085" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>Hi Copa.</p><p></p><p>Life sent me some perspective. (I've been my aphasic (mute) mother's voice in the hospital for the last 72 hours). So I haven't been keeping up with the boards too closely, though I've gotten a sense of your struggles.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for all of this. It hurts to hear the agony in your posts and to learn that it's been so bad at times that you considered treatment for yourself.</p><p></p><p>One perspective I thought might be useful -- is his. Maybe you're doubling your pain by projecting your feelings and capacities on to his decisions? </p><p></p><p>I know your son is doing things that are torturing you. But it's not his objective. </p><p></p><p>He's unhealthy and has a low bar for just being, but he's not actively striving for a bleak future. </p><p></p><p>Maybe if you step into his careless and carefree shoes for a minute, it will help you manage your own anxiety.</p><p></p><p>In doing what they do, people just don't mean what you would mean if you were doing it. </p><p></p><p>Recently, I've tried to dial myself back to be more in sync with how people are instead of how they should be. Basically, I'm not going to try harder than my counterpart, take it more seriously, etc.</p><p></p><p>In the past, that attitude would have felt compromising in some way. But reducing the expectation gap has added to my happiness and, really, to my regard of everyone. </p><p></p><p>I guess what I'm saying is that what may seem like an utterly desperate situation requiring parental deftness, may just be Thursday to them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 721085, member: 19290"] Hi Copa. Life sent me some perspective. (I've been my aphasic (mute) mother's voice in the hospital for the last 72 hours). So I haven't been keeping up with the boards too closely, though I've gotten a sense of your struggles. I'm sorry for all of this. It hurts to hear the agony in your posts and to learn that it's been so bad at times that you considered treatment for yourself. One perspective I thought might be useful -- is his. Maybe you're doubling your pain by projecting your feelings and capacities on to his decisions? I know your son is doing things that are torturing you. But it's not his objective. He's unhealthy and has a low bar for just being, but he's not actively striving for a bleak future. Maybe if you step into his careless and carefree shoes for a minute, it will help you manage your own anxiety. In doing what they do, people just don't mean what you would mean if you were doing it. Recently, I've tried to dial myself back to be more in sync with how people are instead of how they should be. Basically, I'm not going to try harder than my counterpart, take it more seriously, etc. In the past, that attitude would have felt compromising in some way. But reducing the expectation gap has added to my happiness and, really, to my regard of everyone. I guess what I'm saying is that what may seem like an utterly desperate situation requiring parental deftness, may just be Thursday to them. [/QUOTE]
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the ball is in his court??
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