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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 723145" data-attributes="member: 18958">thank you very much. thank you srtl.two quick comments.one. i am well aware that this voice of reason by my son does not mean that the other voices are not there. i am prepared for the other shoe to drop. i am not taking a victory lap. rather. i feel dread and fear.and i believe that for each of your kids these alternative voices exist too.i think that our kids feel great shame and guilt. and i also believe&nbsp; they are trying to stop clinging to our skirts. we are mothers who love strongly and well. this is a hard thing to leave.&nbsp; these kids are blasting their way away. they feel no other way i think.second. this is to new leaf. about conversation.my son and i were alone. he was an only child of a single mother. actually i believe he has been jealous and resentful of m.&nbsp; the serious conflict started when m came.my son and i were really too much. too close.&nbsp; he had to fight his way away.&nbsp; if he can talk to me some now it is a measure of how much he has grown his voice. and i have gotten stronger. less dependent on him. oh this is not a pretty picture. of me. but you know that about me already. boy oh boy. has this been painful.your girls were in a bevy of kids. there was not the same&nbsp; opportunity to have&nbsp; solitary conversatiion. in some ways that is a good thing.&nbsp;father as i recall was indulgent. you it seems had to take responsibility for boundaries.&nbsp; i know the longing there is. they will seek you out. i believe the yearning for you will wake up in them.. it is there but they are not listening. it is easier to push it away. for now. than to feel.&nbsp; that is what happened&nbsp; with me. with my mother who did not have your strengths. you know how that worked out.&nbsp;your girls are young. you are too.&nbsp; in your posts i hear a mellowing. of your girls. you are opening. slowly. surely. with strength. from strength.there is time. by doing what we do--prayer, walks, growing wisdom, self-care, self-contained living, we become irresistable.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 723145, member: 18958"] thank you very much. thank you srtl. two quick comments. one. i am well aware that this voice of reason by my son does not mean that the other voices are not there. i am prepared for the other shoe to drop. i am not taking a victory lap. rather. i feel dread and fear. and i believe that for each of your kids these alternative voices exist too. i think that our kids feel great shame and guilt. and i also believe they are trying to stop clinging to our skirts. we are mothers who love strongly and well. this is a hard thing to leave. these kids are blasting their way away. they feel no other way i think. second. this is to new leaf. about conversation. my son and i were alone. he was an only child of a single mother. actually i believe he has been jealous and resentful of m. the serious conflict started when m came. my son and i were really too much. too close. he had to fight his way away. if he can talk to me some now it is a measure of how much he has grown his voice. and i have gotten stronger. less dependent on him. oh this is not a pretty picture. of me. but you know that about me already. boy oh boy. has this been painful. your girls were in a bevy of kids. there was not the same opportunity to have solitary conversatiion. in some ways that is a good thing. father as i recall was indulgent. you it seems had to take responsibility for boundaries. i know the longing there is. they will seek you out. i believe the yearning for you will wake up in them.. it is there but they are not listening. it is easier to push it away. for now. than to feel. that is what happened with me. with my mother who did not have your strengths. you know how that worked out. your girls are young. you are too. in your posts i hear a mellowing. of your girls. you are opening. slowly. surely. with strength. from strength. there is time. by doing what we do--prayer, walks, growing wisdom, self-care, self-contained living, we become irresistable. [/QUOTE]

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