When all of this was going on it was via PM on FB. It all started out with him wanting me to watch some video about why God does not exist and when I told him I had no desire to view it as there was not point in that he nor anyone would ever convince me that God does not exist. That is when it started getting ugly. First he claimed I needed to align my thinking with him because he loved me and was worried about me. I told him I would rather be a fool to believe in God and find out when I die that he doesn't exist than to not believe and find out he does. That was followed up with how harmful it was for me to believe. I told him that was the farthest thing from the truth as my faith has brought me comfort and aligned me with people who are nurturing and loving. It was at this point he took off and it got ugly (abusive). At that point I sent him a final message and told him that I would not tolerate being talked to like that, he followed up with more hate and it was at that point that I blocked him from my FB. I allowed a couple of weeks to go by and unblocked him to find he had unfriended me. So be it. That was about 2 years ago. A couple of months ago he sent me a friend request with an apology for being a "crappy son". I knew when I accepted that his apology was probably empty and that he was wanting something, yes, the ID documents.
I suppose this is the part of all this that hurts the most. I will always have hope that someday we can have a relationship but am realistic enough to know that may never happen. I gave up the endless worrying and sleepless nights years ago. I am also a cancer survivor and my health is very important and the stress from difficult child is not good for me. It still hurts though as he is my only child. I accepted a long time ago when there would be months that would go by where I hadn't heard anything from him, that the reality could be just that, I may never hear from him again, he could die somewhere and I may never know. That was hard to swallow but I knew I needed to as it has allowed me to move on.
I am so happy to have found this site. I have always known that I wasn't alone in that there had to be other parents that were going through what I was but to be here, to be able to vent, share, commiserate, cry, advise, accept, laugh, hug, etc..... is such an amazing gift.
Thanks Cedar for sharing your input with me.
