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The counselor said WHAT????
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 390909" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You don't need to go into details but I do think you need to tell him.</p><p></p><p>We went through this with easy child. Only we never found out exactly what the abuse was, because when she finally told us something had happened, she would give no details, not even to a counsellor. Or if she did tell the counsellor, the counsellor refused to tell me, because easy child (at 7 years old!) insisted on confidentiality. I was never present during counselling, and not permitted to know any details. I was not happy with this but had no frame of reference to know what was appropriate or not.</p><p></p><p>easy child has since forgotten the details of the abuse. So now it is lost, we have no what of knowing. And I don't think the counselling she had was good enough, she has other problems which I can see are probably due to her history of having been abused. Her weight, for starters. Not tat it is always abuse-related, but i think it is in her case. She also has anxiety issues in some situations.</p><p></p><p>easy child has, however, grown up knowing that she was abused as a child and that we dealt with it as soon as we could, although we did not go after the perpetrator legally (she had asked me not to; the perp was long gone and we had no way of tracing him; he also was only 7 years old at the time of the abuse, and she was 5).</p><p></p><p>Bad things sometimes happen. I know easy child wishes she COULD remember, so she could deal with it. But she also feels that perhaps having forgotten also means she has moved on. I'm less inclined to believe this...</p><p></p><p>But we have never hidden the fact that there is a history.</p><p></p><p>I would tell difficult child this - "When you were little, we found out that a babysitter you had was doing bad things to you. We stopped it and immediately got help for you. If you have since forgotten about it, that is a good thing. X was your therapist back then and really cares about you; he didn't know you had forgotten and just wanted to know if you were OK with things now. I'm sorry you were upset; I hate seeing you upset and that is why I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to see you upset like you were when you were little. But I realise now you are older, you are a capable strong kid and you have a right to know. You also have a right to know how to stay safe, and perhaps knowing how to stay safe means you need to know this history too."</p><p></p><p>You don't need to go into details unless he asks. If he asks, I think you have to tell him. The unknown is always more fearful than the known.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 390909, member: 1991"] You don't need to go into details but I do think you need to tell him. We went through this with easy child. Only we never found out exactly what the abuse was, because when she finally told us something had happened, she would give no details, not even to a counsellor. Or if she did tell the counsellor, the counsellor refused to tell me, because easy child (at 7 years old!) insisted on confidentiality. I was never present during counselling, and not permitted to know any details. I was not happy with this but had no frame of reference to know what was appropriate or not. easy child has since forgotten the details of the abuse. So now it is lost, we have no what of knowing. And I don't think the counselling she had was good enough, she has other problems which I can see are probably due to her history of having been abused. Her weight, for starters. Not tat it is always abuse-related, but i think it is in her case. She also has anxiety issues in some situations. easy child has, however, grown up knowing that she was abused as a child and that we dealt with it as soon as we could, although we did not go after the perpetrator legally (she had asked me not to; the perp was long gone and we had no way of tracing him; he also was only 7 years old at the time of the abuse, and she was 5). Bad things sometimes happen. I know easy child wishes she COULD remember, so she could deal with it. But she also feels that perhaps having forgotten also means she has moved on. I'm less inclined to believe this... But we have never hidden the fact that there is a history. I would tell difficult child this - "When you were little, we found out that a babysitter you had was doing bad things to you. We stopped it and immediately got help for you. If you have since forgotten about it, that is a good thing. X was your therapist back then and really cares about you; he didn't know you had forgotten and just wanted to know if you were OK with things now. I'm sorry you were upset; I hate seeing you upset and that is why I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to see you upset like you were when you were little. But I realise now you are older, you are a capable strong kid and you have a right to know. You also have a right to know how to stay safe, and perhaps knowing how to stay safe means you need to know this history too." You don't need to go into details unless he asks. If he asks, I think you have to tell him. The unknown is always more fearful than the known. Marg [/QUOTE]
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